I've killed myself 3 times now.
The first time I did it, I hung myself, I must have been there hanging for 10 minutes maybe longer, I wasn't breathing, never lost consciousness it just was uncomfortable. I pulled myself up and loosened the noose. After that I got a phone call, It was my mother she told me that my psychologist was found dead, she killed herself by drowning herself in a river or something.
After that I noticed something too, things didn't have the same bite or tang or flavor, cigarettes didn't give me as good a buzz. When I tried to leave to country on vacation, I couldn't get out, there was some kind of problem with the plane, the flight would get cancelled or the cruise or whatever, It was always something.
This stuff I found fishy, but it didn't convince me of my suspicions, so after a while I tried it again, I tried putting a hose from my exhaust to my window, and then stuffing it up with towels. The first time I tried it, the hose popped out and I sat in the car like an idiot waiting to die. The next time though I got it right and the hose started spewing gasoline fumes. It burned by lung. After a few hours I got sick and tired of the sensation and I got out of the car. Got another phone call. My dad died.
There was less flavor in the food, and I found that I couldn't leave the state, it was always some road closure or something.
The next time I bought a gun Ruger P45 and put it in my mouth and pulled the trigger. Nothing, the gun wouldn't fire. I could fire the gun at other things but when I put it in my mouth, nothing.
The food became almost tastless, every drink was like water or so watered down it was like drinking piss. I was unable to leave the town, and my mother died.
13 Jan 2014, 2:09 am
