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Iamaparakeet
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18 Sep 2015, 2:46 pm

Hudson marooned on LV426

A fan fiction for entertainment only, rights belong to whomever they currently belong to and this isn't for sale. Hudson should've survived anyway.

Last time I saw another living human face, I was being dragged underneath the floor of some colonial supply quarters by a giant bug. As it was carrying me through the ventilation system, I whacked it in the head as hard as I could with the buttstock of my pulse rifle. Knocked unconscious, it let me go. I had to get out of here. They probably got Bishop. Everyone's dead. I'm probably the only one alive.

In a few minutes, this ant hive is gonna be lit up like every Christmas tree and Forth of July combined. I've got to get outside, got to get as far away as possible, find a trench before the heat flash and shockwave hit.

Crawling through the vents was taking too long, so I blasted a way out with the M40 grenade launcher. My ears! Ow the pain. Apone thought I was nearly deaf before... Sarge is gone, they're all gone. I GOT TO GET OUTTA HERE! In some corridor now, five of these bugs blocked my path. Boom. Not anymore. Out of grenades though. There's the airlock! Run!

Ran and ran I did. I keep running without thinking. I couldn't see anything, it was dark outside. Then I fell into a pit where rain had collected, and it was suddenly brighter than day.

Duck and cover, and kiss your butt goodbye if you're in a building! Being in a trench though, you have a chance. I rolled myself into a ball and cried, knowing everyone was dead for sure now. I'm a zillion miles away from everyone! Plus after the fallout starts landing I'll probably die from radiation poisoning.

The shockwave hit like an earthquake. I thought it was bad growing up in LA. Water! I need water! Before the dust started to fall, I filled my canteen. Then the reverse shockwave hit like a hurricane and suddenly was over.

Run! I can't stay here, the dust that'll fall would kill me if I just stand around. I've gotta keep going. I can't stand still. Tire tracks! Just follow them.

So tired. There's nothing here on this stupid rock! I'm gonna starve. No, not really. Not starve to death anyway. It's 16 days until the next search and rescue operation arrives. I just gotta stay alive till then hopefully all those bugs are dead by now. Everyone is dead because of them, they oughta be too. Just got to stay alive for a couple weeks without food. I hate this day!

Man a lot of vehicles went this way! If there's another city on this planet-moon, this has got to be it. No. Can't be. No! The only other thing on this trash heap of a world is Ripley's derilict! No!

I only have thirty five rounds left for the pulse rifle, no grenades, and a combat knife that would melt away the first time it's used on one of these bugs. This is just not my day.

Yep. Derilict. There it is. Giant ugly horseshoe. Great. What am I supposed to do?! Why does this crap always happen to me?!

Good news is, I think all the bugs behind me are dead. Bad news is, this ship is completely intact. It's probably crawling with those bugs! What am I supposed to do now?!

There's a campsite here! Awesome! It must be some sort of field research station. Motion! Tracker's reading something. Great there's more bugs, just what I need. Only two of them, in the first tent. As soon as I start firing, any other bugs will know I'm here.

Switched the pulse rifle to single shot. I've gotta make every shot count. What I wouldn't give for a silencer right now. Muting the tracker, I moved about so I could see inside the tent. Nothing.

No bugs anyway. Instead, a hamster cage. Looks like the same one from Hadley's Hope. Entering the tent, the hamsters stoped preening and just stood and looked at me.

"Human, you're supposed to be dead" said the first one.

"But since you're still alive, we have some questions to ask you about Death, War, and Nothing in particular" said the second.

"What in the world is going on?!" said Hudson, "how are you talking to me, who brought you out here, and why haven't the bugs eaten you yet?"

"We're talking with you the same way you're talking to us, sound waves."

"But you're hamsters! Freakin' hamsters! You can't talk!"

"We're not really, we just appear that way to you in this universe. We actually look more like you, these rodents are just avatars for scientific research."

"What?!"

"We brought ourselves here. Like this. Watch." The hamster cage suddenly blipped out of and back into existence, moving to another table. "We could really go anywhere we want, and we could bring you back to Earth if you'll cooperate."

"I've got to be dreaming."

"No, you don't have to be dreaming and you're not."

"Why haven't the bugs eaten you yet?" asked Hudson.

"They're our pets for one and they have more of a taste for human brains. Now, will you answer a few of our questions?"

"Sure. Why not? What have I got to lose?" said Hudson. "You could've just asked."

"We are asking" said the first hamster.

"Yeah, I get that, but I meant before everyone got turned into bug incubators and vaporized. You could've saved a whole lotta lives just by freakin' communicatin'! How many of those colonists really deserved to die?!"

"They were slow at changing our litter and didn't buy us enough toys to keep us happy. Now, anyway, on to our questions."

"Fine."

"What is your quest?"

"Huh? Have you guys watched too much British TV or something?"

"Just answer the question."

"Fine, sure. Okay, the mission was to survey the colony, search for and rescue any colonists" said Hudson, "since they're all dead anyway now, my 'quest' is to survive and go home."

"What is your favorite colour?"

"Are you even serious?"

"Yes, we're quite serious."

"Yellow."

"That makes sense."

"Hey!"

"Calm down now, just one more question."

"Let me guess, is it the airspeed of a bird?"

"Um... no."

"Really? I thought it would be. Hey, was your mother a hamster and did your father smell of elderberry wine?"

"Yes... but you're supposed to be answering the questions here."

"I've gotta be asleep" said Hudson.

"No already. Now are you ready for the last question?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"On Earth a trebuchet has a range of 500 meters. What would it's range be on Mars?"

"Trebuchet's a counterweight catapult, right?"

"Yes."

"The range equation has gravity as a denominator and potential engery is mass times gravity times height, there's probably a bit more to all the mechanics, but the gravities cancel. The ranges should be about the same."

"Correct!"

Then a brief flash of light and Hudson was back on Earth. "What the heck was that all about?"


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