Poem: Achieving happiness

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I finally achieved happiness
No matter the weather its sunny inside.
Anxiety's gone so I no longer hide,
I'm failing but my face can only smile.

I changed a part of me that dominated since five.
I went to hell early but you call it first grade.
The noise, the angry faces hit me every day.
Telling yourself its okay only works if it fades.

I remember trying to jump out the window
when you're six the fall should kill.
But that was okay, the future was coming still.
The past is gone and it will soon fade.

I once achieved happiness
I tell myself remember that bliss
but that quickly begins to fade
as ages six and above take over.

I wish you and him didn't love me.
I'm praying each day to get cancer
since I no longer could be innocent
if I finally made myself my own killer.

That's a good poem. Sad, though...please don't kill yourself.