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JohnnyLurg
Deinonychus
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Joined: 24 Nov 2010
Age: 28
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11 Aug 2017, 1:43 am

So in recent years, I've found it much more difficult to write cohesive stories and poems because what I believe to be some form of mental echolalia or intrusive thoughts have intensified so there's this buildup of crap in my brain that at times keeps me from being able to think straight and writing creatively.

Just now I decided to write everything that came to mind as stream of consciousness. This is what I got:

"I’m trying to get better. I’m trying to get better. Doesn’t matter, you’re still pathetic. I don’t know what to tell you. Emo emo emo emo emo dinner dinner dinner dinner butt munchies AF lurg lurg lurg lurg lurg lurg lurg lurg lurg lurg lurg lurg
But Lurg, we’re both Jews! Humina humina humina hey guys Moon Man here I need to know butt savage hey guys guess what it sickens me that such a guess moon crewman guess humina lurgstein albino blacksheep dude yeah I like strip clubs okay sorry about that humina humina jesus guess what you know I think it’s
It really disturbs me that that guy who bullied me for all those years still sits there with all his girls the thing that should not be doesn’t make a humina so what was the guy who makes the I guess what dude yeah so I made him into a punk rear a guess what punk sorta heads making tails punk look I’m trying to get better why do you think it’s so difficult for you to get rid of this one I don’t know what to tell you humina snakepit dude yeah make a humina into a lurgstein make a dude so I’m trying to get better humina stein dude yeah lurg man what do you think so far punk so it seems I’m trying to get better lurg humina dude yeah I make come on don’t foget to see why is it so difficult for humina dammit dude yeah I think dude so what butt munchies so why do you think it’s so difficult for you why so vomit kirk make a savage I’m tinto dusee how docome on so dude"

What the hell can I do to reduce this form of crap plaguing my brain? I wrote a novel that was published in 2015 although I wrote most of it years before in high school. I don't know if I'll ever be able to write another novel if this crap keeps piling up. I was able to write a few 7,000-word short stories in the past few years including an attempted second novel of about that same length that I was never able to finish after 7,000 words but that's been the longest I have written since I completed the nearly 50,000-word novel. I used to write every day and it came so easy and I loved it and I still write many short poems like the ones I used to but short stories and fiction are so difficult for me now because I can't seem to concentrate long enough to develop an entire story concept. I started taking Adderall recently for the first time since I was 11 and it's worked in some ways, primarily regarding focusing at work, but I don't know what the hell will fix my writer's block and stop my mental echolalia or intrusive thoughts, whatever this crap is.



PhosphorusDecree
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Joined: 3 May 2016
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11 Aug 2017, 8:17 am

For nearly half my life I had a hyperactive inner monologue that mainly consisted of of reasons I should die and methods of dying I should try. Cognitive behavioural therapy for anxiety and depression taught me to take what it said with a pinch of salt, but I still couldn't get the damn thing to shut up.

Things started to improve after I went on a ten-week Mindfulness course. I didn't get so much out of the more advanced, "spiritual" stuff, as I'm about as spiritual as a brick. But there are a lot of techniques for directing your attention while meditating. For example, you can focus first on your breathing, then on what you can hear, then on your thoughts, and finally on breathing again. So you can treat your thoughts as just another thing that is happening. "My thoughts are not me" is a phrase I often repeat to myself.

I wouldn't say I'm completely cured of self-destructive inner ranting, but it's a lot less persistant and extreme now. Like a few hours of it a week, instead of all day every day. And I can "tune it out" when it does become a problem. Makes it much easier to hear myself think.


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shlaifu
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Joined: 26 May 2014
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20 Aug 2017, 6:57 am

Not engaging in stressful conversations for a while before sitting down helps- and the bar for "sressful" is low, and "a while" might mean days rather than hours.

Also, I find I can't read books anymore at the end of the day. My mind feels cluttered, and it turns out, it is a lot related to media consumption/screen time.
Listenjng to podcasts while working would verbally overload my brain so I can't process things anymore in the evening.

See if writing in the morning, before any other media consumption, works for you...


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