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BeornJ
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

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Joined: 28 Oct 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 28

04 Jan 2008, 10:21 am

been creative lately.

It's all fictional by the way

Partnership

No resolution, a looped piano riff
clears the afternoon,
we argue at the same time of day
with equal ferocity everyday for years.
A loving care in our eyes as the
dissent exhales and glares.

I fear it’s only the hatred
that keeps us together.

Mutual aggression
our one common interest.

as bile flies we collapse down the wall ─
into each other again

calmed by this mating ritual,
we spit and stammer our way to
a make-shift transcendence.


Persuasion

Altruism exists in touches
of flattery and irony;
innuendo brings promises of gifts.
It’s a detached ease
in which this discernible sainthood is achieved.

You have inordinate poise
for these self depreciating jokes,
I realise it’s a ruse at once
and yet I laugh, enthralled.

eyes drop for a moment
then reconnect, allowing a precise smile ─
the manoeuvring resumes.

Exquisite control,
she trains and conditions like a master.


Rudimentary

you were impulsive, I thought
you kissed me the night we met
because you liked my name

You let nothing out,
not then, not ever

making slow talk
about whiskey and snow-globes
I knew the reason of this union
was to disconnect
and I merrily obliged
asking nothing.
evading all elements of closeness.

we lasted longer than we should have

I bonded with friends meanwhile,
with intimacy like lovers
and relationships for life.

It felt like infidelity.

I wanted to confide this betrayal
but you’d never hear it,
no
that was never part of the deal.

the loose affiliation went on.



tinky
Veteran
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Joined: 24 Mar 2006
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,015
Location: en la luna bailando con las vacas

06 Jan 2008, 12:41 am

nice, i like the last one the best :)


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BeornJ
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

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Joined: 28 Oct 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 28

10 Jan 2008, 9:40 am

cheers tinky. I'm proud of that one



ecky
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

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Joined: 20 Jul 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 78

14 Jan 2008, 2:01 am

i like your style a lot. it's not simplistic, but neither is it riddled with words you obviously don't know how to use. i hate poetry that reads like a thesaurus. the syntax is nice, so are the rythms and the images.



BeornJ
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

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Joined: 28 Oct 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 28

16 Jan 2008, 4:03 am

I'm glad you like ecky.

I study writing at university, last semester i did a poetry unit, the amount of people who think to write good poetry you've got to chuck in as many esoteric words as possible, it's frustrating. It's so cold, lacking any real emotional resonance.

So i try and stay away from that style.

Thanks.