Short fictionalized semi autobiographical story

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I'd Drink to That!

10/15/2012

Gabrielle B-G


She was safe now. Here in the bright emptiness, with her thoughts quietly hidden beneath the ground of which they walked upon. I watched, as the night clothed her in history. She thought I would have let her go, and that I was no longer thirsty. She thought I would just back up and leave her, and the sun would climb up out of his hiding place. She thought that she was safe, and she was…for a while.

I never meant to figure it out, you see. I literally stumbled upon all of her secrets by chance. And, that’s what frustrated me! I cursed God for punishing me in this terrible and unfashionably divine evil. If I could have left her then, sleeping between the sun and moon.. But she was addicted to me, for the pleasure it gave her. If I could have just waited, I would’ve seen her die alone, miserably alone/ without her pain. Let’s just say I’m the air you breathe when you forget to think. Watch the beauty flashing behind the brightness of your matrix eyes.

I could have at least been satiated by the fact that she would be at peace and no longer tortured by it. I cradled her precious stupid life— I wasted mine upon hers. I would not have been so tortured by the endless seconds that turned into zeroes, had it not been for her. I watch as they march before me. Had it not been for her misfortune, would I be alive? The look of pretty innocence/ She took me for a hit man. Me? A glimmer of life reflected upon her placated smile/ pursed, now blood red/ give in Emily/ Just give in.

Eyes so fierce and fiery; they would someday be vacated and paved over by a new mall or wal mart. How accusing, how they attested to the fact that I killed for her/ the one man she loved, a man she had never met, who loved her madness, who fed upon it—who drove her nuts. No, it was not her father. No, twas someone much further back behind her skin, twas me. Yes, alas. I am hell-bound now but do not let it dissuade your mind from the truth, for we are immortal and there is nowhere left to run from the demons.


“Drink!”

She had been waiting to be captured, and resurrected. He would take her and to turn her pride into a wild winged beast. She couldn’t refuse, of course. James pushed the shot glass towards Emily. She took another swig, and this carried on until the sun went down. For three weeks Em and James had been getting drunk, smoking marijuana, and having fun like two crazy penguins stumbling about—to the highest peak of existence—one where they could see a view of the whole world before they crashed down to the bottom.
It was the way, both feared, they had to do it. To escape, to get to the bottom of everything. And so on his and her journey together they found their destination simplified by the being and the breathing—not the getting to nowhere. And when they both realized that time had reversed, it seemed stupid to worry about falling when they were simply descending the stairway to hell.
Or, as in James’ version of the story, heaven was hotter than hell. For heaven was that bright shiny place everyone talked about. The place where the roots gave way to atoms and energy and understanding. James and Emily were becoming good friends.

When Emily introduced James to her Kink friends and the BDSM scene, she was delighted to learn he knew techniques and tactics. She watched him getting flogged for over twenty minutes, at a kink party, and not even flinch/ if he had been flogged longer. the Dom said it would’ve been illegal. They probably thought James was drunk, but when wasn’t James drunk? He wasn’t.
James was attractive, sweet, gay, and a party monster. But he had different shades, like a chameleon and the more that Emily saw every shade appear, the more it hurt to know she was secretly in love with his bad side, and it hurt her to see his darkness—and she loved it…but she didn’t know how to make it make sense. She was worried about him, but she could not change anyone—at least her father always said that. But Emily changed everyone. She couldn’t help it.
Together they trashed up as Club Kids and spun the whole place around. There was no excuse for their behavior, and each role was performed so excellently., it was going pretty much downhill from the moment James almost got evicted. So her friends started coming to Emily’s house, which was a safe haven for freaks like them. through the parties she hosted, came the introduction of Jame’s best friend to Emily’s ex roommate who fell in love with Harriet.
Harriet and Shade started dating three days later, and then Emily met Jimmy who shook her world up. Shade became a different person. A happier one. And harriet became good friends with Emily—who was building a relationship of her own with a porn addict she met online, and we can not forget that particular night when they all got high on spice, and when Jimmy squealed like a whore on crack as James pounded his ass, for more than the first time. But did she really want to settle for bottom, or top? Soon she forgot all about the escapade with the hit-man who died in a drunken car accident, she finally let go of the biggest dick and best sex she ever had.
Was it all becoming something really dangerous? Disturbing? Now her boyfriend started getting f****d by her hedonistic gay best friend. Or was James even thinking of how she felt about the whole thing? She didn’t even know. Crying all night because Ally would murder Emily, James, everyone else then break up his friendships and ruin his life…she wondered…crying on her shoulder and drunk and dissociating and scared. Emily became the scapegoat. Emily was always the scapegoated one. Yet she was the one she wanted to be, someone who others could depend on.
Emily thought it was funny that everyone she now associated with was either disturbed or a killer. When X randomly showed up and James found himself madly in love with his seven inch cock, James wasn’t shocked to find that X/ Digital Jesus as he called himself…was dropped off one night and jumped out running n the direction of his house waving a knife.

Because they all knew that James was f*****g Digital Jesus because he enjoyed his body and the control it gave him, and didn’t mind the insanity but was actually rather turned on by it. It didn’t take long for Emily to move on from thinking James was borderline to realizing he just loved danger and darkness. Eventually she f****d X too.
Emily sat with him for hours talking and learned that he had head trauma and PTSD from a car accident. It all nearly came crashing down on Saturday, after Jackson invited her to the local Halloween Masquerade but ditched the thought at the last minute.

She walked around in red fishnets in town as the beast inside stirred and pulled her down to the center of the earth, and as a last attempted effort to kill the destructive beast inside, she went to her old hangout restaurant that was having a fundraiser. But she was kicked out after 2 ciggs and ten minutes for not having $5. She had been part of planning the Amnesty event, but failed to learn that there was a cover charge, who woulda thought she would be kicked out for a charity event on violence against women when she looked like she’d be raped any minute.
Waking up without a headache, her mind was clearer than before. She had OD’d on whatever she felt like the night prior to finding Rock with a dent in Jimmy’s car. Rock apparently had called his ex-girlfriend because…well, his ex was raped that night. He came to rescue her and drive her to the hospital, but everyone thought Rock was a liar and told EM to leave it at that, because they didn’t trust him…and she didn’t want to say what she saw in his eyes, because it scared her.

She had always been psychic, but learned to be passive rather than active to be guarded from the worst potential outcomes. The next morning, blood was on someone’s hands. Emily knew it wasn’t hers, and as James cradles his Cheshire cat in the little cottage by the hill, Emily wonders if she should take another pill. It was obvious the dent was from him smashing into the poll on the way out from the apartment. Were they trying to make right or fooling them all?

The morning was rising, slowly, as the night tapered away. The moon was dead beat and gone. And don’t forget the other half-TJ who came over to Emily’s house and drank with the dying starlight, because his mother left him for a man with no money and no future, because TJ’s mom refused to love her son over the abuse.

The lonesome wolves began to howl, it was breakfast time—and the beast was hungry. How would justice be served? Through sacrifice or safety? And who would sacrifice safety, sanity, or satiety for the truth…for justice? How would it be done, slow or fast?
Hard, soft? Scream loud? Whimper. One blow? Two blows? And who’d ne the one to commit this atrocity without a reason to commit the crime? James tried to hold himself together, because his sun was shining brighter this morning than ever before.

The answer was forgiveness. If only there was a way back from nowhere. The black bleak world fleeting through their arms. His chest heaved, his throat itched and burned. He rose above it. As did she. Polar opposites united by friendship, not madness. While the world threatened to tear itself apart, there is only one way through the door to the core of the Universe. It is your heart. And in the end, what appeared to be true was what threatened to tear them all apart. <3 This is why I still breathe.