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How was my poetry?
Your poetry FTW! ***** 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Great! **** 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Good. *** 50%  50%  [ 1 ]
Lukewarm. ** 50%  50%  [ 1 ]
Total votes : 2

Depreciation
Butterfly
Butterfly

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Joined: 11 Oct 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 15
Location: Out There

12 Oct 2008, 11:25 am

I write poetry whenever I feel like it.

Here's an example:

White Hills

As I walk into a garden
On a Saturday morning
I view the green all around
This wet dreaming lush
I held a rose with my right hand
I started bleeding to death
The rose had a thorn
Why do roses have thorns?

To hurt or to scar,
The roses grow far
This beautiful pain
In the white hills
White hills, well…
More like white pills
To soothe the pain
Of the hemorrhage

So winter comes, the storms arise, and I pretend that there’s nothing wrong
But I’m bleeding to death with one bare hand on my list of repairing

And into the night
We’re taking a token
And in the light
The dance floor’s mine
And tonight, under the tree
I’ll sleep in my dreams
Come to this garden
The garden with spots of blood

These are white hills
Blanc hills
Blanche hills
Bianco hills
White pills

These aren’t white hills anymore
They’re red hills, because of my hemorrhaging



Adrenaline
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

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Joined: 18 Jun 2008
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 127

12 Oct 2008, 11:37 am

I can see what your trying to do,
When I write my Poetry it sounds good to me,
but much later I can see how it could have been much better.
where too others they already see that much later that you need to look over and revise.
its needs work (as well as mine) but your getting there.

Hey, you asked, I have a bad habit of being honest.



Depreciation
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 11 Oct 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 15
Location: Out There

12 Oct 2008, 11:51 am

You're right. I've written it back in 2007 where I was bored, and I accept criticism as long as it's not up to the point where it becomes offensive.