chapter 1 of my story.

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My name is fara this is my story.

It was a dark and gloomy evening. The sun was setting in the distance . all around for miles were endless mountains covered in thick forest .
The trees were bare and ice was covering there thin spindly branches.

The air was moist and misty. A scent clung to the air. It was a mixture of winter chill, ice, and smoke.

The ground was starting to become covered in a frosty slush as she stole through the wilderness.

The only item she had on her person was a small sack . In it she had only a few items.

a purse with a few shillings, a comb and small crystal.

Her breath became faster as she walked up through the trees deeper into the forest.
Her breath clinging to the air as it was freezing in the dropping temperatures.

It was becoming night now. She knew he would be after her soon. She fled for her life.




She heard a swooping through the trees. Her breath quickened even faster. She calmed once she saw what it was.
It was a falcon. She knew she was safe now , for the falcon belonged to her love. He had managed to find her before it was to late.

She Soon heard hooves trotting through the forest. Before long she could make out the head of the great stallion its long locks of hair billowing behind it as it ran.

As the horse got closer she could make out the face of her beloved karex he stood with long brown hair and a slender face. his eyes were a deep pail blue and his skin was a soft cream.

He soon arrived at her side as he dismounted his wild steed. He smiled at her with a mix of pleasure and concern.
The pleasure was at seeing her face, concern for the one who followed her.

"How far did he get this time?" he asked. She did not answer but her eyes showed a mix of sorrow and fatigue that he could not ignore.


Without another word he lifted her onto his horse and climb next to her.
patting the horse they rode off into the darkness.

As they rode through The forest she heard another swooping sound . This time she sensed him. she knew it was him, or rather a messenger of his bidding.

She saw and owl swoop across the sky , it flew right past the beam of light the moon cast down upon the forest. They rode faster to avoid the negative energy the messenger carried for her.

They rode so fast she dropped her sack.
As she looked back she saw the sack glow blue , this was the crystal lighting up.

She grabbed the hair of the horse and turned its head to face the other direction and quickly grabbed her sack from the forest floor.

I'll write more later. hope you guys like it.

Fast and not very descriptive.

As she reached for the crystal karex screamed " we don't have time to get it, just go!" She knew he was right so she turned the horse around and fled into the night.

About 30 minutes later they had arrived home.
There small community consisted of about 100 people.
The buildings were made of carved pail white stone. The buildings were open on all sides. The roofs were supported by many pillars which had intricate carvings depicting battles and story's of love and betrayal.

Every carving was a story and history of the family's who had lived there in the past. There carvings were there legacy's immortalized in stone.

In between every pillar there was thick layers of drapery of many deep vibrant shades. deep shades of purple red green and blue were the main colors found in there city of athandrea they were seen on every home.

They did not have any walls in the entire city , instead the drapes were drawn every evening in the individual houses making them separate from the surrounding buildings.

They did not need the protection of the walls because the magic they taught and frequently used made walls unessasary for privacy and security.

Houses were combined in clusters with as many as 6 or 8 combined into a wide circle and the clusters of homes were often overlooking vistas of waterfalls and placed on the peaks of the tree covered hills that lined the forest.

The city center lay by the river. This was not a market city center but rather the dead center of the city making it the place where important gatherings were held.

The river was a slow moving shallow rocky stream which could be walked across with ease.

As they crossed the river they dismounted there horse and left it to drink. There particular home lay only a short walk from here. They walked up a small hill and around the near cluster of homes. on the other side was there home. It faced a thick part of the forest. They had chosen this spot because it was not connected to the clusters of houses. In fact it was the only home in the city that was separate.

A small walk off into the thick forest was a round gazebo. It had pillars on all sides that lead up to a domed roof.
The pillars, floor and roof were made of the same carved stone as the rest of the city, only this stone was bear. It was left to be carved when something defining happened in there lives. It only had a small marking that was starting to take shape. This was the unfolding drama that had started weeks ago.

As they passed the gazebo and went into there home the draped gently lifted around them and closed behind them.

In there home there were many rooms separated by thick drapes similar to the ones outside.

When fara and karex arived home they immediately heard someone stirring in one of the rooms.

fara's father walked out. His name was talathra He was a tall slender male. His face was worn with lines but he wore them well. His eyes were a deep blue and he had a look about him that was wise kind and stern all at the same time.

He had long dirty blond hair that was held behind his shoulders in long strands .
He was still in his robe and had his cape on as if he was going out.

"Where were you fara" his voice was a deep commanding but kind voice.

"I decided to take a walk with karex" she said.
He paused and then turned and looked at karex. He read his face and decided not to read his mind, not yet anyways.

"How was it?" he asked looking back at fara. His voice had a hint of distrust. "fine" she responded. The "forest had a nice breeze and it wasn't to cold"

He noticed she wasn't wearing any shoes and turned his attention to that. "why go for a walk barefoot?"

She knew he was aware something was amiss so she put her mental shield up. A mental shield was a way of blocking others from reading your thoughts. It was done by simply focusing on your mind and imagining a shield and it would block others from accessing your mind.

The shield varied in effectiveness depending on how strong the person's magic was . Both the person erecting the shield and the person trying to break it.

Fara was only slightly weaker then her father . despite the fact that her father was much better trained and honed then her he could not break her shield. He knew this and did not try.


Instead talathra turned to karex and said " why has my daughter been going out every night and coming back with you? why does she always look distressed when she arrives home? "

He exchanged thoughts and a glance with fara and then turned to talathra.

"May i speak with you in private on this matter?"

They steeped into another room with the drapes moving out of there way on there own. They both sat on the side of the bed and discussed the matter.

Once they were seated karex told fara's father everything.

"talathra" karex began " your daughter is being pursued by a dark elf.

A dark elf is an elf who uses dark magics and has no morals. They are know for there ruthlessness and in the evil spells they often weave.

"He wants your daughter. He saw her standing by the river on evening and was taken by her beauty. Now he will stop at nothing to have her for his own."

"Do you know who this elf is karex ?"
"meloc is his name . "
"The same elf who is trying to destroy the city!?"

"Yes I am afraid so. We tried to enchant a crystal to protect her from his evil love spells but she dropped it when we were fleeing him. Now she has no protection against him "

talathra turned to karex and said " I will begin training her in defense magic in the morning. As for the crystal I'll make another one. Thank you for telling me about this karex . Perhaps there is still time to fix this before it gets worse."

I'll write more later . If anyone is interested.

Does anyone want me to write more?

Perhaps it is not far enough into the plot to tell if you like it or not.

just-me, i think it often falls under "too much to read" for a forum.
i wrote tons, and im überproud of it, so i make a quick summary of the story, and brag about that instead
i got... 1? reply? two on another thread about the same topic

can i give you a tip? its just the first thing i noticed.

you seem to like double paragraphs

jumping one

a lot

like this.

i think this makes it easyer for you, the author, to keep track of what your writing, but it looks very sprinkled and loose to the reader. i usually list up dialogue, and use a double paragraph only to separate a dialogue list from a bulk of text, the bulks themselves stay very solid unless a paragraph shift is truly needed*, it takes less space, and most people will still read it fine. + you dont have to drag it out over 5 replies, cus it does look a bit intimidating and ... "too much to read" :]

*dramatic change of scenario for example. use effects as effects, or else youll have nothing left to use, when you DO need an effect!