I was so frustrated I wrote a poem.

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Joined: 12 Jan 2009
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13 Jul 2009, 8:24 pm

Sometimes I get frustrated- this time I wrote a poem. I'd love to hear what you think.

They Call Me Different

They call me different because of the way I am.
They say I have a "cold stare," and that I'm "stuck up."
They don't understand my thoughts and words.
They call me different because of the way I am.

I don't want to be different.
I just don't understand what I can't see.
I do what I think is right but usually it's not.
I don't want to be different.

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Crassus
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13 Jul 2009, 8:43 pm

I like it. I personally tend to use rhyming schemes or syllable patterns, such as I'd be trying to end the third stanza of each verse rhyming with the second to reinforce the repetition of the first and fourth stanza of each verse. I also like to use dichotomies, such as I might take the fact that the first verse uses stanzas 1 and 4 to express a positive declarative, so I would make stanzas 2,3 making negative assertions. They call me different, I don't have an approachable face and I don't want to be different so I only understand what I see.

I say this not to suggest you should actually use those particular techniques yourself, but to encourage you in establishing your own style, to develop your personal voice and not get caught up on what other people consider the conventions. To my ear the way you have phrased it lends a sense of confusion, but given the topic you are addressing that is actually a powerful voice in which to express it, it acts as a reinforcement of the message in a different way then I myself might write it.

I wrote this one because I was inspired by the muse of discussion with Tantybi, so I dedicate this one to everybody who has given service in the military in defense of others throughout history.

The Middle Road wrote:

Rest ye weary traveler,
for the journey is long and hard.
Drink ye weary traveler,
for the watering holes are far and few.
Eat ye weary traveler,
for the energy required is immense.
Be fulfilled ye weary traveler,
for your pains are your salvations.
Take as you need proud Sons and Daughters,
for there is always more to be given.

What do you think?

Last edited by Crassus on 13 Jul 2009, 8:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

bhetti
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13 Jul 2009, 8:48 pm

I feel what you're saying.

Aspienoid
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13 Jul 2009, 8:48 pm

Crassus wrote:

Thanks. It's a little different that the things I usually write. This (below) is another poem of mine more like what I usually write:

Weary Wounded Traveler

I am a weary wounded traveler
Lost on life's back roads
Wandering throughout this world
With a story rarely told

I know where I must go
But getting there proves tough
I'm going to keep on going
And I'll be there soon enough

This place that I am going
Is a place of sacred grace
And when I get there
I'll be in God's holy place

I'll meet my family and friends
And they'll all take my hand
As we stand together in faith
In a place called Gloryland.

But for now I am a weary wounded travler
Just waiting to be called home
And I'm wandering throughout this world
With a story waiting to be told.

Poetry is something I'm just starting to get into. I'm still establishing my voice, and I'm finding it quite enjoyable and relaxing.

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Crassus
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13 Jul 2009, 8:53 pm

HA! What kismet, I was editing my post to add in my own traveler poem as you were posting yours. Soon enough we'll have a collection we can publish together. We might call it The Aspie Hitchhiker's Guide to Life.

bhetti
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13 Jul 2009, 8:54 pm

I have to admit that I also played with the wording a bit, and would have written it differently, but then I read it aloud as written and it works, it flows and and it has feeling.

poetry was one of those things I was sure I would be bad at, because I'm not eloquent when I speak. somehow that turned out not to be the case, and I've experimented with a bunch of different styles.

I found the shortest poem I've written, I thought I'd share it (hope you don't mind).

Quote:

time does not heal,
and memory does not fade into shadows,
but somehow time and space agree
to cast a veil over the pain
so that i can look forward to today

Aspienoid
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13 Jul 2009, 8:56 pm

Crassus wrote:

What do you think?[/quote]

I really like this. I especially love your choice of words. It sound almost...hmm...I can't think of a word (no surprise there) to describe it. But I love it. Ah, wait, a good word for it might be "holy." It sound like something you might read in the Bible or maybe in something similar. Awesome poem!

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Crassus
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13 Jul 2009, 9:07 pm

The first time I read the Tao Te Ching, this is the Haiku my meditations revealed to me:

Tree of Love wrote:

The Peace inside me
A Tree of One Love grows out
The Way is Followed

I have a formal thought disorder, I speak and think naturally in tongues. Most of my poetry I've never really written down anywhere other than the place I was inspired to say it. Another recent poem I wrote on this forum would be inappropriate and out of context for me to quote here. I think in metaphor and by tempering the projection of that metaphor within the conversational norms expected, I find people tell me I have Charismatic Authority. They believe me because the words simply speak to something deeper inside of them that compels them to know it as true.

Aspienoid
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13 Jul 2009, 9:17 pm

Crassus wrote:

The Aspie Hitchhiker's Guide to Life. I like it. We must think alike! Haha!

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13 Jul 2009, 9:19 pm

Crassus wrote:

The first time I read the Tao Te Ching, this is the Haiku my meditations revealed to me:

Tree of Love wrote:

The Peace inside me
A Tree of One Love grows out
The Way is Followed

Sometimes when I'm angry or upset, I can say some horrible things to people. But they always say "That was really rude.horrible/mean/etc but I have to give you credit for the wording." It's just the way I think and speak, I suppose. Intricate, one might describe it.

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Aspienoid
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13 Jul 2009, 9:24 pm

bhetti wrote:

Quote:

time does not heal,
and memory does not fade into shadows,
but somehow time and space agree
to cast a veil over the pain
so that i can look forward to today

I undestand and can relate to your poem. I feel like that quite often.

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I was so frustrated I wrote a poem.