(Appointment - a short story, more of a snapshot really)

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I step from the car onto the rough pavement. Reality hits me hard and I feel physically sick. The dusty inconspicuous building ahead assaults me and the world is skewed before my eyes.
I want to run and run and never look back.
My hands clench into fists as I grit my teeth; I can’t accept this, I can’t live this.
The inescapable truth hurts. Memories wash over me in waves of shame. This isn’t who I really am, this isn’t who I want to be. He’ll lie smoothly with a smile, he’ll tell me I’m not pathetic, he’ll tell me I’m ‘special’, he’ll tell me I’m equal.
Equality is something they took from me a long time ago.
I smile and try to act normal as I cry silently inside. The minute I step through the sliding door I’m suddenly made of glass, and I’m treated so carefully, like I’m fragile and easily dropped.
They don’t know I’m already broken.
Time passes in a nightmarish blur, and everything feels so wrong. I’m drowning in a sea of legal documents as I desperately struggle to stay afloat, to preserve my precious hard earned threads of normality.
My hopes for the future are siphoned off me until I’m drained and dejected. Then it’s time to go.
I leave filled with nothing but pain and shame and anger.
Why?
I want to scream. I gaze with empty eyes as I see my endlessly longed for independence so clearly.
Forever out of my reach.