I asked my aspie to study me.

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Ok, so I asked my guy to study my emails and my blog in hopes that he might learn how to react to me. Is this a reasonable request to ask of him?

I asked him to do this because every day I check his blog and some of the links of sites that he is reading and also try to read up on AS through WP (also posting here for advice) or books (most of which has recommended). Also, when we're together I try to study his facial expressions and body movements and try to take mental notes on anything I might pick up. I have been doing this for the past two and half months in order to learn how I should react to him, make him comfortable, and learn how to teach him how to react to me.

To me, it seems like a reasonable request that he start to do the same for me, but maybe there is still something I don't know yet?

My one word of caution is this: he might misinterpret some obscure note the wrong way...

Good caution. I worry about that quite often. I try to be as clear, strait forward and honest as I can, but I still worry about that. Any advice as to how I should go about this? Should I be going through things with him? Or just let him know if he has any questions he can come to me?

Is it reasonable? If he wants to do it Yes, if not don't insist could be a bit patronising.

You could just go by what you tell each other. As a probably aspie, I don't really like the idea of having to read the body language of someone I'm supposed to be close to. I can see where it can come in handy when meeting new people, especially potential romantic interests. But for people I'm already close to, I tend not to respond to body language, even when I get the hint. I figure if they wanted me to know, they'd tell me.

love should be some work, but not too much work.. The main thing you need is understanding; if we were trainable to get all the mannerisims, expressions, and meanings within meanings straight, someone would have done it to us by now..

Occasional insights are good, a little training is helpful, but if it goes too far, he may feel that he's messing up all over the place (I should know, I get psychoanalyzed by the missus on a regular basis). All things in moderation.

I've been married to my aspie husband for 13 years - together for 16 years altogether.

We've been through very difficult times, but things are fantastic now.

I have learned to ask directly for what I want. He can't read my body language/facial expression.

I think you need to learn to ask for what you want - this will be much better than asking him to study your e-mails/blogs.

For example, a few weeks ago I'd had a bad day at work and was exhausted. I cooked a dinner that was not the greatest meal ever because I was tired. My husband came in, made a face at the dinner and said, 'Is that what we're having'.

The old me would have got really upset.

The new me said, 'I've had a really bad day at work and I'm tired and cranky. Please just eat the dinner without complaining!'

Outcome: everyone is happy, rather than me yelling at my husband for not noticing I was tired and complaining etc etc

Regards
Helen

hmm...
I think it's fair to have him try just as hard as you do.
I like the concept, having him study you sounds like a logical step.

Of course the best way would be to just tell him things plainly, but that's far too unromantic for most women to do.

I think it's a fair and good idea, but just realize, you're not gonna make him into an NT no matter how hard you try.

Well, I don't want him to study my body language or facial expressions.. I know that is not a good idea for him.

But I would like him to read (and possibly reread) my emails (just the ones I send to him) and my blog because in them I get very specific as to what I am thinking or feeling. I also try to tell him a lot what I need from him. But somehow, I feel like my words wash over him a lot of the time. He has told me that I need to teach him how to react to me but when I talk I get the impression he is tuning me out. So I thought that if I wrote down what I was trying to tell him then maybe he would be able to absorb it better.

I am confused. I don't want to overwhelm him, but I really don't want to feel ignored either. I just want to be as important to him as he is to me. He says he loves me, wouldn't he want to know how to react to me? I know that we are going through the hard times right now, but I also know that if we can just get past these hard times we can get to the good times like Smelena has.

grrr.. I wish I was one of his interests!!

Actually, I started the blog after I met him.. as a way to communicate with him and for me to figure things out in my own head. It's off of his domain and he set it up for me.