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Elspeth
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23 Apr 2008, 2:05 am

I know there are books about NTs dating/married to aspies, but are there any books about aspie-aspie relationships? If so, what are they called and where can they be found?



asplanet
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23 Apr 2008, 6:32 am

Not that I know of but I am a Aspie and sure my husband is undiagnosed...

The thing is its not that simply because we are all different, but do feel an aspie aspie relationship book would be a good idea, as feel men and woman on the spectrum like me and my partener can be very different.. and even though I know why he does certain things stiull drives me crazy at times.. have even asked him why he can not act like everyone else, be normal and I am an aspie, but what is nornmal to one may not be to the next.

So I guess I can conclude men and woman are very different if on the autism spectrum or not, and just like everything else understanding and good communication really helps. ie.. when I need space and stay up late its not because of my husband, but he would never know if I did not speak to him about it.

We both have our differences, but what makes it work is explaining the best we can to each other.


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KimberKenobi
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23 Apr 2008, 9:25 am

Elspeth wrote:
I know there are books about NTs dating/married to aspies


Okay, for the rest of the class... could you list those... I'd sure find them helpful...


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23 Apr 2008, 5:45 pm

KimberKenobi wrote:
Elspeth wrote:
I know there are books about NTs dating/married to aspies


Okay, for the rest of the class... could you list those... I'd sure find them helpful...

I don't know of books by couples in which both are aspies (doesn't mean they don't exist-the books & the relationships, just that I'm unaware of them).
Wait, wait ! I just thought of one-"Mozart & The Whale" by Jerry Newport & Mary Meniel.

Books on aspie & NT couples:
"An Asperger Marriage" by Gisela & Chris Slater-Walker

and this one, which at first I wasn't so crazy about, but I re-read it & liked it a lot better:
"Asperger's & Long Term Relationships" by Ashley Stanford (a pseudonym).

Lianne Holliday Willey's "Pretending to be Normal", though it doesn't say a great deal about intimate relationship (she is married & has children).

2 of Donna Williams' memoirs, "Everyday Heaven" and "Like Color to the Blind" detail the ups & downs with her first & second husbands. I could especially relate to these because so much of what I've read is about males w/dx (I'm female w/dx), or of females who aren't interested in having relationships of that sort (yet I've boyfriend who "means the world to me").


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Elspeth
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23 Apr 2008, 6:34 pm

There's also Asperger's in Love, and Dating Mr. Spock. I'm sorry, but I forget the names of the authors.



KimberKenobi
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24 Apr 2008, 5:24 pm

Okay, so I ordered "Asperger's and long term relationships"
I watched "Mozart and the Whale" (is there a book too?)
I read part of "School Success for Kids with Asperger's Syndrome" (the beginning was magnificent)
I bought "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome"

...

I didn't find the relationship section in The Complete Guide very well written or insightful... I found it mainly frustrating.

I don't think it should be such a big challenge for a sig fig... I have friends who love me because of how I am and will work with me... why shouldn't I be able to find a guy to do the same thing w/o needing a therapist along for the ride? I realize that some of us on here are in different places functionality-wise but still... I felt like that part of the book was characterizing us as immature freaks who couldn't cope with sig figs on a full-time basis and that they would not be able to cope with us because they are NT and all we do is stress them out, isolate them, and depress them...


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Elspeth
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24 Apr 2008, 6:05 pm

I've read that section in Complete Guide too, that's prolly part of what got me thinking or wondering about an AS to AS book. I can't really relate to much of what I've read thus far.



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25 Apr 2008, 1:21 am

KimberKenobi wrote:
I watched "Mozart and the Whale" (is there a book too?)

The book is far superior to the film, in my opinion. You really miss out on a lot with the movie, and the book gave me easier-to-relate-to descriptions from those who lived it (not an abstracted hybrid of truth & fiction, which is how the film ended up). Didn't care for the actors in it, either-they were distracting. Would much rather have seen 90 minutes of the real people talking, doing, being. Book is out in paperback, so I got that & am glad I didn't let the film put me off reading it.
KimberKenobi wrote:
I felt like that part of the book was characterizing us as immature freaks who couldn't cope with sig figs on a full-time basis and that they would not be able to cope with us because they are NT and all we do is stress them out, isolate them, and depress them...

Am not knocking Attwood's book nor am I defending it by saying this. I can like something & admit it's not perfect in all areas/sections.
Mean no offense, and of course it's not this simplistic, however...
the thing is, people generally don't write "how to deal with---" books about things that aren't considered "problems". There's not much market for "how to deal with one's own strength, contentment, satisfaction, and optimum level of functionality". Books that promote/offer suggestions for how to explain, understand, and handle anything (body, brain, culture, societal, environmental, economical, etc.) tend to take view that the named thing is difficult, a challenge to be surmounted, and needs to be managed.
Hope my point is not taken wrong.
Wish I did know of (and had read) more/better books to recommend of the requested genre.


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27 Apr 2008, 2:25 am

I think this book might be helpful to Aspies, even though it wasn't written specifically for us.

http://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive- ... 0767903366

I read her first book, and found it very helpful, so I plan to check this one out.


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KimberKenobi
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12 May 2008, 2:54 pm

So... Read "Asperger's in Long Term Relationships" and it is very much written by an NT for NTs... (As much as she loved and was committed to her partner, still was frustrating to read.)

Read "Aspergers in Love" and liked it much more. I liked that the author made great effort to discuss AS females.
I felt that this book was written more for the AS and NT persons in a relationship.

I am about to start on "Pretending to be Normal" this evening and I am very excited!

It is sad that there isn't enough about female Aspies.


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12 May 2008, 4:11 pm

If this isn't the actual title, I'm sorry.

This book is: The Autistic's Guide to Dating.
It was released in March.


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15 May 2008, 2:24 am

hartzofspace wrote:
I think this book might be helpful to Aspies, even though it wasn't written specifically for us.

http://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive- ... 0767903366

I read her first book, and found it very helpful, so I plan to check this one out.


That book sounds really interesting, thanks for posting.



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15 May 2008, 4:03 pm

My statements of differing opinions aren't meant to challenge your perceptions/interpretations. Am pleased that you've found books that appeal to you, not all people with ASD dx like same books because, of course, not all people with dx are the same.

KimberKenobi wrote:
So... Read "Asperger's in Long Term Relationships" and it is very much written by an NT for NTs... (As much as she loved and was committed to her partner, still was frustrating to read.)

The first time I read it, it didn't work for me & I was annoyed. I went back & reread it a couple years later & liked it more, surprisingly.
KimberKenobi wrote:
Read "Aspergers in Love" and liked it much more. I liked that the author made great effort to discuss AS females.
I felt that this book was written more for the AS and NT persons in a relationship.

Haven't read that book, by Maxine Aston-had heard negative things about her viewpoint & that she mainly focused on males with the dx. My impression could be mistaken, though. Hmmm...

"An Asperger Marriage" (co-authored by the Slater-Walkers) was disappointing for me, as she isn't AS & her husband is-since I'm AS & my bf is not, this book (and the people in it) didn't feel very similar to my relationship.
KimberKenobi wrote:
I am about to start on "Pretending to be Normal" this evening and I am very excited!

Was kinda' underwhelmed by this one, too-had heard so many great things about for long time before I ever got to read it, and then I was rather bored by most (not all) of it.
KimberKenobi wrote:
It is sad that there isn't enough about female Aspies.

In previous post I suggested Donna Williams' 2 later memoirs.
Jeanette Purkis's "Finding a Different Kind of Normal" was really good, according to my taste/personality.
"Women from Another Planet" is good anthology of writings by several women on the ASD spectrum.
Wendy Lawson & Zosia Zaks are two more female authors who've written books about their ASD's. Maybe those would appeal to you ?
hartzofspace wrote:
I think this book might be helpful to Aspies, even though it wasn't written specifically for us.
(Highly Sensitive Person in Love by Elaine Aron)
hartzofspace wrote:
I read her first book, and found it very helpful, so I plan to check this one out.

Bought & read this one. Was like "oh, that's just kinda' circular"-doesn't explain or do much for my understanding. Again, intend no offense in sharing my divergent opinion/reaction to your suggestion. Not trying to dissuade someone for whom this might be useful/resonant.


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