DESPERATE MEN AND DESPERATE WOMEN

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WHY IS IT MORE ACCPTABLE FOR WOMEN TO BE DESPERATE, BUT IF A MAN IS DESPERATE HE'S A LOSER.
WHY IS IT THAT MEN DON'T CARE WHTHER OR NOT A WOMEN IS DESPERATE, BUT WOMEN SEEM TO HATE DESPERATE MEN

Because it's not very manly. Men are expected to be go-getters & not settle for the minimum.

It's no good to be a desperate woman either. It's a huge turn off & the only man that would be interested in her is someone even more desperate.

When I was single, I too hated desparate men because it's a insult to a woman to know that a man is socializing "with her" because...he's desparate. It makes her feel like the sludge at the bottom. Now guys don't mind a desparate woman because his chances of getting laid are maximized even if he's lame, unattractive, physically dirty, or slow-witted. It's acceptible for a woman to be desparate because women were always given the passive role when it relates to dating. Women aren't "really" allowed to do the asking. We have to just sit and wait. If you wait too, too long, you start getting desparate like when you wait for a bus and it just doesn't come, you start to panic...pacing up and down...sometime you end up taking a taxi even thought you really can't afford one...or you just simply walk home because if you wait just a little longer, you'll might miss something at home. Now guys are allowed to do the asking so people think that if he's desparate, he's asked eveyone and eveyone has turned him down possibly for a very valid reason...he's unbearable...even if the women he asked were...desparate.

Actually if a woman's desperate she's usually looked down upon as a slut or nympho.

yup. desperation is a turnoff, for both genders.

i find male promiscuity to be just as much a turnoff as a female "slut" as well. ever watched "paradise hotel"? anything that shows to insecurity about ones own personal abilities, i'd say. too much dependence on other people, either too much banging around, or too much trying to.

whenever i hang out w friends, and they start hooowling after chicks, the first thoughts that strike me are "insecurity, weakness, desperation, monkey-behaviour"

obviously they have less of a problem w it tho. all of them

/rant

I never really felt desperate.... just ineptitude. I have never been able to approach a guy and I have never been able to accurately assess if someone is interested or just being nice. I ended up finding a significant other on the internet. It's easy to tell that the other party is interested just by virtue of the fact that you are both online looking. Also, since you are communicating via text you have to "use your words"! !!

I am married now!!

Oh yeah.... incidentally, I wouldn't know a desperate guy from a non desperate guy!! Maybe you just need to find yourself a nice AS chick?

^Since AS men outnumber AS women rather significantly that won't work.

Anyway it's largely a female thing to disparage desperate men as losers and desperate women are sluts. I'd theorise its because they're less happy to think for themselves, but I've nothing like a strong enough base to really say I know why.

go read my latest post

Tis true, but its mostly other women who view such things as being negative. For plenty of men, a desperate woman is an easy lay.

You're right since it's not the guys who are are being called the name, so why should they care? Just as the word creep for guys.

When I think of people who are desperate, I think of people who reluctantly stay in a relationship that they are miserable in, or who make long-term plans with someone they haven't dated very long, out of fear that they will never meet anyone else if it doesn't work out.

I do not recommend anyone do those things.

It may be off topic, but I resent more when people act is if a woman alone must be desperate. Living alone and minding my business, has attracted unwanted jealousy from females, and undesirable males for some reason. They seem to think that since they never see me with a man, that I must want one. Even if he's already taken.

When I think of desperate men, I remember the guy from a church group who went down the list of women in the group, in alphabetical order no less, asking for a date to a certain event. As if we wouldn't know? Shouldn't he have just shouted out at a group meeting, "I need a woman to go with me to X, will someone please come with me so I won't look like a loner?" THAT would have been honest, at least. And someone may have taken pity on him. As if we wouldn't figure out he had called ALL of us.

He also had a habit of invading our personal space when talking to us, making things quite uncomfortable.

I wish now that I had had the self-confidence to tell him what he was doing wrong. But, alas, at that time, I did not. He had a decent heart, he was just ... well ... desperate and confused.

When I think of desperate women, I think of the women I know who would practically proposition a guy. They didn't sell their personalities, they sold their availability. There are definitely men out there who will take advantage of that.

I think there is a lot more decency in the women who don't take the desperate guy up on it, than the men who take advantage of the desperate woman. Better to be rejected upfront than encouraged to become emotionally or physically involved and THEN rejected.

But I do know there are ways women can take advantage of desperate men, so I'll state this isn't a way one street. Women who accept the offers because they get something they want from it, that has nothing to do with the guy: the chance to go to a great event, perhaps.

In the long run, no one wants to be with someone just to be with someone. You want to be with the RIGHT someone. If someone comes at you in a way that indicates they are desperate, you don't feel special or particularly right for them. It makes you feel a lot more like a car for sale in a showroom. That isn't what relationships are all about.

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 02 May 2009, 5:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

And what's the deal with people, only a week into a relationship, saying that their new significant other is "the one", when they are unable to determine such at that point?

They assume you are available and are attracted to the fact that you seem comfortable with yourself. Hopefully