"Creepy" guys

Post Reply New Topic

That's a good point and very true. Though it has to be said that she did know that my work consisted of pulling information for the internet (finding, verifying information on non-chain hotels across the planet) and she did know I was a 'computer whiz' and she wasnt very computer savvy. That was precisely how we got into that subject and she insisted she was being smart and doing all those things so nobody would get her info.. and thats when I showed her just how much info she had on her own page. Perhaps in the long run it was for the best; I believe being creeped out by me showing her this is preferable to the alternative of a criminal doing the same. I can live with that

There's a world of difference between having 100% confirmation and going with what's likely an erroneous assumption. If Dantac was a cyberstalker, then it would not be in his interests to broadcast this to anyone, however assuming this, contrary to all the information she already had about him, is what she did. Just because someone makes an irrational assumption regarding safety doesn't mean they are actually any safer.
There's certainly good reason to be cautious, but just because someone thinks they are being cautious doesn't mean they are in fact being cautious. This is where I think people should focus their attention if safety is a goal, however people seem to have a set of biases based off of social criteria as opposed to quantitative criteria, which tend to be less effective when it comes to behavior that tends to be safe.
My example of a self defense instructor never included any context about where/when/how the instructor warned another individual. Why did you assume the setting was in a class?
Someone doesn't even have to research computer safety to notice that someone else is leaving too much personal information in profile, just a bit of common sense and attention to detail. Anything unique has the potential to be traced back to someone, but most people don't seem to know this.

It is true that guys you don't want to date are creepy, but they don't have to be. If a guy im not interested in comes on to me, and I say I'm not really interested and he's sweet about it an goes on his way, that is NOT creepy.

Like someone mentioned before, It's creepy when a guy you aren't interested in won't leave you alone.

Here are a few things I would class as creepy.. I don't know if it will help or not.

A guy you are not interested in continuing to harass you
A guy you are not interested in constantly staring at you
A guy you are not interested in perving from the corner... its NOT creepy if they are up front about it.
Stalkers
A guy you are not interested in behaving in a manipulative manner
A guy in general wanting a relationship when you hardly know them

Often guys who keep to themselves have the above traits.



Wrong. I don't agree at all. It might make the woman feel a bit annoyed, but it does not make the guy creepy.







Thats because you were presenting stalker behaviour.. even though you aren't a stalker.. you were still presenting the behaviour.



I disagree with this. many guys are like this and aren't creepy. They're open about it and cool with it.

The creepy line is crossed when a woman is made to feel uncomfortable. That pretty much sums it up.

Hale_bopp, great response. I think this is particularly fitting for a lot of us here, because a lot of us tend to obsess about things in general, so it's natural for us to obsess about the women we like. It's also very hard for us to shake that obsession.

When a girl is showing she isn't interested, I recommend quitting her cold turkey, and not dragging it out -- stop staring, stop thinking about her, push her out of your mind. Find something else (and not somebody else, or it could start all over again) to obsess about.

Looking back, not one of my obsessions ever came through as a relationship, while the women who I did end up involved with stopped the obsession from ever happening by showing interest in me. If after your first bit of contact with a girl, it becomes clear that she doesn't especially seem to want to be around you or get to know you, write her off, quit her like a bad habit, do whatever it takes mentally to make things easier on both of you. Obsessions with certain women only lead to trouble, heartache, and worst-case scenario, legal action.

This is part of why I've tied how attracted I am to a woman directly to how attracted she is to me... I can't develop said obsession if I can't be attracted to her to begin with...

I have to agree this definition is dead on accurate. Doesn't understand thing right is correct.
There are alot of creepy things guys do, some like leering, I am not as judgemental with aspie guys because I know the problem of staring myself.

But that does not dismiss stalking, off-putting attemps at flirtation, etc.

There is a big difference between weird, eccentric and interesting and creepy. Many aspies I know fall into the former category, some fall into the ladder, because they engage in the same behaviors as the creepy NT guys.

By the way it is a set of identifiable social behaviors.

Spot on.



Best dictionary definition I could find. Discuss

That works for me.

I would like to use big bang theory as an example. Howard is incredibly creepy at times. Sheldon on the other hand is just odd and eccentric, and generally not creepy.

Leonard can be creepy at times, but generally is not.

I have run into enough Howards in my time. In fact I have run into plenty of guys who are even worse. To me creepy is guys who are sexually inappropriate in the way they approach women. Plain and simple.

I'm not sure why, but girls don't seem to think I'm creepy anymore, when maybe they should. Or, at least, they don't seem to give any indication they think I'm creepy while I'm around. I've been called "nice", "sweet", "smart", "gentle", and other things that don't seem to me to be negative, but which leave me wondering if they have any idea what they're talking about: I can only conclude I must have gotten pretty good at hiding the fact that I'm strange, at best.

I definitely dress, act, and speak differently, I've got some fairly alien interests and tastes in art, music, literature, movies, television, and humor, so I don't think that automatically marks a guy as a creep.

I've got some rules I've set for myself to try to follow, maybe these have helped me:
* be very careful about personal space, and physical contact is right out; coming within 3 or 4 feet of someone is an invasion of personal space
* swearing and sexual/taboo topics are off limits unless she crosses that line first, in which case I try to make sure I don't go nearly as far as she did, and even then as rarely as possible (I can't think of any situation where crude language and topics brought anyone any closer to me)
* if I like a girl and flirt with her, compliment her, or do something nice for her, I make a point of giving her some space immediately afterward - I don't talk to her the next day unless she talks to me first; if she doesn't talk to me first, it's probably OK to talk first after at least a day and a half have passed, but start the conversation carefully and don't push it if her response seems cold - if it is cold, just let her start the conversation from then on, and leave her alone if that doesn't happen
* any personal questions I ask should be balanced almost equally with impersonal questions (work-related or something similar); some of the best questions in either case seem to be "how do you feel about that" questions in response to any personal or work-related information she volunteers (example: "So, do you like to strip naked and cover yourself in peanut butter, too? No? Oops. Hey, have you ever noticed that the boss sticks her tongue out and wags it around when she is trying to concentrate? It's the strangest darned thing I've ever seen - I'm afraid I'll start laughing every time I see it!")
* any personal information I volunteer should be balanced almost equally with impersonal information (work-related or something similar) (example: "nobody seems to understand me - I feel like I'm on the wrong planet! Well, I bet that sounds a little bit strange, though. I wonder if maintenance ever fixed our fax machine?")
* if conversation threatens to touch on a subject I enjoy or know a lot about, resist the temptation to indulge in it, and steer it in another direction as quickly as possible - nothing dooms a two-way conversation faster than for me to slip up and start talking about something I enjoy - I believe I've subconsciously begun tuning it down to a general "no more than three simple sentences a week about a subject I'm obsessed with" rule
* if she tells a story, it's probably OK to respond with a related story of my own, but the last thing I say about my story must point back at her story, and indicate somehow that her story was more interesting/exciting/amazing/etc. - in short: if she tells a story, it must never be the start of a contest (example, "Oh, you were hit by a meteorite today? I was hit by two meteorites once, but they were small ones... I can't imagine what it would be like to be hit by a large meteorite! It must have been a trying experience for you! What did you do?")
* when talking, multi-tasking is usually a bad thing; fidgeting and "stimming" while talking is awkward at best, electronics and conversation rarely mix well, talking and chewing food at the same time is instant doom
* I'm afraid I can leer and stare with the worst of them, but equal time must be devoted to eye contact, and my body language and facial expression must be animated at least part of the time I stare (somehow, staring doesn't seem to be as offensive if I "kid around" a bit, act shy or embarrassed about my behavior, make eye contact and smile, and/or ask questions that show interest or indicate I was listening to what she was saying; personal space, conversation, and crudity rules are particularly important here, and I'm doomed if it doesn't come across as innocent, respectful, and something I have at least some control over)


Most of these rules don't come natural to me, I'm sorry to say. I know from past experience that if I handle social situations in a way that comes natural to me, my genuine inner creep comes out in an instant, though. Some of the rules seem like they should turn me into an even bigger creep than normal... I'm not sure why they seem to work in my favor; if anyone has any insight they want to share, I'll be happy to hear it.

Please, don't take the rules as a way to become instantly likable and normal, but they do help me disguise my natural creepiness. I guess I can think of them as "An Ultimate Creep's Guide to Looking Almost Normal to the Casual Observer".

This is certainly my truth at the moment. I mean by, I usually have no sexual desire while in the presence of an attractive peer, or, as I've come to realize, I have all of the tools to read the chemical attraction, but it is masked by pretty severe loneliness. I do think I've cut myself off from the idea that being around a woman could actually end up with the act of sexual release; to me, I find the idea so much more gratifying that this little chat while in line at the store could lead to me just getting to breath in the moment of realizing someone else is actually "here" with me. I have no idea if this is normal for AS, but people are like ghosts, an abstraction, sort of floating through a waking dream. For me, I suppose my goal in the physical sense would be to have someone to hold and "feel" the life of. I know that's stupid, and in trying to explain to NT's, I find they think I'm too much of a "boy," an "innocent," but I can't help but feel that sex isn't on my mind, and therefore, I just have another barrier between me and the rest of the waking dream.

Creepy is an adjective owned be the person using it, because it describes how a person feels about another person. You own your own like or dislikes, she owns hers. Creepy means leave me alone.

I have been with friends (girls) when a guy was stalked them, and were creapy.

I body blocked a guy once who did not get the hint and kept following them. I told him he was creeping the girls out. He lambasted me for being a jock and picking on dorks and how I shouldn't pick on him because I was cool and he was not. He stated that there were plenty of girls in the world and I needed to share.

I was an uber-nerd, I found this perplexing. I am not "cool" on anyones book. But I was willing to stand up for my friends against this creep. The fact that he thought I was a "cool guy" totaly creeped ME out. I tried to establish report with him by claiming that I also was no good with women, and these were just friends, but he would have none of it. Again..creepy.

He walked around with a metal tipped cain and a trenchcoat because he thought it made him look cool, and hadn't showered in days. Creepy. He cholked up on his metal tip cain, I could tell by his body language that he felt he had justified rage, and that he was focusing on me as an oppressive enemy. He had a "supervillen" complex, a misguided sense of who the real enemy was, and a desire to take revenge on an injust system that did not recognize his genious. Creepy.

However, I had two girls behind me that were scared at that point. I stopped talking. This was person I could realy hurt and not feel bad about it. I could pounding his head into the pavement and people would cheer for me. I watched him cholking up on his metal can cane, then I stared at him and smiled. This was a movie moment. I smiled like jack nicholson in the shining. I must have stared at him like Private Pile stared at the drill Seargent in Full Metal Jacket . This was about to be the culmination of why I was borne. This was about to be Auspie vs Auspie smackdown. Hero vs Villan. It realy didn't matter who was going to win, it mattered that I finaly had a social conflict that I understood and was clearly in the right. I was in a Zen state, Filled by the Holy Spirit, and Achieved Nervana at the same time.

My response to his threatening gesture was pure psychopathic joy. Creepyness had been his defensive mechanism. As long as he looked and acted creepy, people didn't pick on him because they were afraid of him. But I had just become creepier. He realized that he had given me what Sun Ztu calls "the courage of desperation".

He proudly proclamed that the two girls were ugly anyway, and walked out. He left them alone as long as I was around after that.

My advice-
Study up on Body Language and Visual Tells. It is your most powerfull anti-creep tool.

Weapons collections (knives, guns, throwing stars, nunchucks) are only topics for close male friends. NOT for the general public. Quiet or socialy awkward people who are facinated by weapons creep people out.

You should not talk about sex in front of a crowd, ever. Your an Aspie, it will be creepy. It does not matter if everyone else is talking about it, you can't.

If a girls labels you as creepy, she owns that assesment-it is her right. Creepy is an adjective describing her feelings, and therefore cannot be unjust or wrong.

Make an effort not to stare at people. DO NOT FOLLOW PEOPLE AROUND IF YOU ARE NOT INVITED.

If someone calls you creepy, apologize, and say I won't bother you again. And leave them alone unless they aproach you.

And for God's sake, SHOWER EVERY DAY.

IMO, that actually is pretty cool.

What does creepy guys mean?

A guy they find unattractive, who checks them out.

No, it's dorky and pretentious, and will scare everyone away. Dressing like a superhero/villain, a Columbine offender, or someone out of the 30s is not considered normal behavior by the general public. There are also a lot of negative connotations now culturally around trench coats because of Columbine and because of people who use them to do indecent exposure. Trench coats, when not used in extreme weather, give the NT's the impression you are hiding something.