it's over...

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I may have come to a bit of a realization about myself... I think I finally understand what I've been doing subconsciously: reaching out to other people for compliments and reassurance. I have to admit I'm very sensitive to other peoples' opinions about me... It was other people that originally bullied me into this way of thinking... and in turn I have to admit it feels really good when other people say I am worth something.

That's probably why I'm so argumentative all the time (since then people wouldn't otherwise keep trying to prove my worth and they would stop complimenting me)... In the same vein, any *good* relationship (that isn't filled with argumentation, cheating, and whatnot) would be filled with compliments and reassurance (certainly this past one that just ended did)...

I now realize that I don't need these people to fully realize any qualities I may have, I just ned constant reassurance about it all... That's why I can't even comprehend the idea of leaving my church for some other place; the reassurance people give me here is immense (and a good part of the reason why I didn't off myself back when I was 15 or so). Same thing here at WP: if I don't give people reason to compliment me, they won't. So apparently I argue all compliments I get in the hopes of getting more.

Wait, what? People who fail at relationships don't matter?

Is there anyone, anywhere, who never fails at relationships? Toad, I think you just consigned the whole human race to the oblivion of not mattering.

Trying to bring someone to reality doesn't equate slamming someone into the dirt.

I apologize for any unindented past and future bluntness that might be interpreted by you as offense.

and for now , MOVE ON, don't go again into the 'I am an useless unlovable creature' , "I am totally worthless" dilemma.

Almost all people try, fail, cry, learn and try again.

Absolutely.



Again, totally agreed. Simple, effective.

Toad, I'm a very spiritual person, though not particularly theist. This may be going out on a limb, but I've wanted to say this since it happened: God wants you to learn from this. The lesson intended is to find peace and constructiveness within yourself, and to overcome your convictions of what and who you are, and your purpose. God is not a practical joker, but a force of positivity within the universe.

Broaden your perspective and I promise you will truly begin to see so much more than what you do now. This experience failed because you're not open to that constructive, positive force. Failure is arbitrary (like so many things), based on an individual's perception. Sometimes we all slip and fall into a hole of despair, but we do have a choice.

Only you'll find that out, or you won't. Relationships won't show you the way, but real love, real friendship will. Stop looking for that one thing and look to yourself. Feel it out -- does what I say sink deep? Are you letting it? Try.

Music can help convey this better than me, so I want to link you a particularly pertinent song here.
(Lyrics here.).

Your mind can never change unless you ask it to
Lovingly re-arrange the thoughts that make you blue
The things that bring you down only do harm to you
And so make your choice joy; The joy belongs to you...

And when you do, you'll find the one you love is you
You'll find you love you...

So no longer pretend that you can't feel it near
That tickle on your head, that tingle in your ear
Oh ask it anything, because it loves you dear
It's your most precious king, if only you could hear...

She said she didn't even love you.
And still started what she did and just dumped you like that.

Thats already enough of a reason to stop talking to her, in my eyes it seems very, manipulatative(spelling?).
I mean if she DID love you, and then broke up, sure, fine enough. But she didn't : /

what you guys think is 'proper' for another person to do when dating, or in 'love' or whatever just amazes me. Being comfortable with your partner is the bottom line here. The moment that other person (or even YOU) get uncomfortable by something ongoing in the relationship, most people are out of there.

and that is how it should be. Why be in an uncomfortable relationship?

Bit harsh don't you think? Very few people start dating knowing that they already love the other person; you might fancy them at the start, sure, but love tends to happen later on if at all. She didn't marry him or make any commitment ther than agree to try out a relationship, and then was honest enough to say when it wasn't working, so I fail to see what exactly she's done wrong here.

Toad, seriously man, you've got to let this drop. You're starting to get obsessive and it will spill over into your interactions with this girl. If you don't want to lose her as a friend, then drop the melodrama; you're just going to chase her away.

Yes, this could be a factor. If you want to make sure they like you for you and not out of pity, you'll have to stop criticizing yourself so heavily. The more you like yourself, the more fun you'll be to have around, and the more people will like you. Good for you to have noticed, btw!

If you do not feel normal in general, and if you need something or someone else to make you feel normal... speaking from experience, that's unhealthy.

HopeGrows is correct. You need to let go, and focus on yourself. You need to come to a point where you accept yourself, Talents and Warts.

I myself felt like a failure for a long time, it took the counseling I am still having to see that I am not.