Nice Guys and Love, what's your take on the issue

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Semantics... the art of careful and deliberate selection of words to convey an idea or intent which is completely lost and wasted because the words don't have the same "weight" on the cognitive gravity of the listener as they had to the speaker. Seeking to be a "nice guy" as a strategy is going to fail, in part because it can involve being untrue to who the person is, and in part because what constitutes a "nice guy" is very different from person to person.


M.

What she is basically saying is that a nice guy is more likely to be faithful.

Nice guys can get places but the first problem is that many nice guys don't know how to present themselves. I am a nice guy and I learned the initial key is in how you present yourself. Let's face it, we want to meet good looking women. Those woman work for their looks and so must nice guys. Nice guys are just not polished yet and most do nothing about it. There is a difference between a unpolished nice guy approaching a fashionable woman wearing sneakers with dirty shoe laces, a shirt that isn't tailored to the body, and faded jeans versus a polished nice guy who clearly spent time doing his hair, who understands how to find a brand a clothing that fits your build, etc. When you present yourself in the best way possible, such as wearing the best fitting clothes and experimenting with styles, keeping stuff like your eyebrows trimmed -- it shows that you care about your appearance and these fashionable women can easily identify this! It shows confidence without you having to display any, and you'll know this when the woman looks at you different. Each time will result in much more confidence boosts until you know what you look good in for the specific type of woman you like.

Tupac: younger
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrD-Yp3a ... re=related

Tupac: older
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaEcqnZ2 ... re=related

Some people think Tupac turned into a thug, because girls didn't like the nice him

The problem with nice guys vs. jerks is wishful thinking. Every man wants to think that he's a great guy, that he'll be great in bed, and that he would have no problem making someone happy.

It's arrogance, plain and simple. When a man's worldview crashes around him, instead of accepting that he might have to figure out what he's doing wrong, and make some actual changes, he starts spouting arrogance. That's when everyone starts whispering to their friends that you should be avoided, and rightly so.

I know that I'll have to make changes in my life for anything to work. I know that without changing, whoever I end up with will probably become miserable. That's the difference between real nice guys who can adapt, and the online ramblers who complain about not getting laid.

As sorry as I am to say this, a guy with Asperger's Syndrome is never going to be Hugh Hefner. You can get off to it as much as you want, but it'll never happen. You can either focus on finding a genuine relationship with reasonable expectations, or continue whining and expecting pity that you'll never receive.

You reap what you sow. Start planting something with good returns.

It is partly true that nice guys have less appeal for women, since women are bilogically wired to like aggressiveness and arrogance. Any guy who has a violent life, whether he is a criminal, or a cop, or a Navy Seal, or a bouncer at a really rough club- has women throwing themselves at him.
At the same time, some women do appreciate a guy who treats them decently. As time goes on, I am becoming less passive and more insistent on getting my way. While this has not yet resulted in my being irresitible to women, I feel better about myself now.

I don't believe in this at all.

Us nice guys get ourselves stuck in awkward situations because we don't have the lack of morals required to take advantage of opportunities other guys would go for.

I don't know why, but, socially, I think nice guys do finish last. I don't know what the NTs around my old school were doing, but whatever it was, it worked like a charm. Most girls I know seem to avoid talking to me. Don't know why.

Perhaps another reason is because 'nice guys' get judged on their faults and 'alpha males' and 'jerks' are judged on their strengths (with the own shortcomings being overlooked)

Just something I thought about when I was at work today.

Really? I don't see many posts complimenting jerks on being aggressive and unkind in the way they treat women.

Most "Nice" guys aren't really nice at all. I know people deluded into thinking they're nice and deserve all the women when their not just a wolf in sheeps clothing, they're a whole pack.

Sp what constitutes nice to you then hale bopp? Or is what your saying just an excuse to tarnish all men with the same brush?

But you could easily flip that round into saying 'jerks' are self confident, stand up for themselves and don't worry about what other people think of them. In turn using that angle you could also claim 'nice guys' are a walkover in which women will either consider that a turn off or use it to take advantage.

Im basically saying that it's all down to interpretation and that women will use whatever interpretation suits them at the time.

"Nice guys" can't be trusted because sometimes they end up hiding their true emotions by being nice all the time.

A girl, for example, might be 30 minutes late to a date. She apologizes.
Nice guy iterates "No, no, it's ok!", however inside he is annoyed and won't show it

This type of approach doesn't fare well, especially over time in a relationship. Issues that emerge will have to be brought to the table.

I think women prefer to hear emotional honesty, even if it means bring negative feelings to the table

Don't be afraid of being honest
You'll get alot of respect for it

I want a man to be a good leader who shows affection, protection and tenderness. That's a real man.

I don't like men who can't make decisions and can't assert themselves. Those don't behave the way a man is suppose to do (according to the Bible).

I don't either like men who are rude and rough. They treat women like garbage and shouldn't be aloud to have girlfriends.

Basically, the nice guy/jerk issue is a false one. Some caracteristics that belong to nice guys are what we are looking for, some caracteristics that belong to jerks are what we are looking for.

I don't think a guy should be too nice or a jerk. There has to be a balance between the two. Some guys act really nice and won't show their true feelings. Others act rude and mean cause girls are typically attracted to that. I would say a guy should just be himself and not pretend to be anything he's not. If a girl doesn't like him for that then she isn't worth his time and isn't right for him.

Although I will say that the cliche that nice guys finish last is often true but not always. A lot of girls don't really want a nice guy even though they say they do. Often times I don't even think girls really know what they want but I'm still young so maybe that's just my experience with girls my age. But even I usually don't waste my time on girls that are looking for a bad boy and too dumb to realize that the guy is a jerk and isn't worth their time.

i think many of these "shy" types are in fact very interesting, but the problem (that i used to have, anyway) is that i never knew how to show it! but i think at one point i kind of just stopped caring and realized that somewhere there WILL be someone who likes me for who i am and i can reciprocate those feelings too, so why bother chasing after anyone? i dont know how to describe what i mean by "i just stopped caring" though, i think i just decided that i would say the things i felt like saying and ignoring whether or not they were uncool/awkward, if i had interest in someone i would pursue without putting on a persona and seeing how that worked. if it didnt work out i would tell myself it wasnt personal. I dont know what to say it;s very hard, i think sometimes to overcome your own personal obstacles you just have to be in the right moment at the right time/place