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From one female aspie's percpective, unfortunately guys like Lonermutant often do get one over on aspie girls and preoccupy our time. When a guy is practiced at manipulation and the girl's personality is very transperant, it make for a perfect situation for the sociopathic types to take aadvantage of said girl.

I do believe that as many, if not more, female aspies have difficultiy meeting and sharing long term relationships. Almost all of my NT female friends seek that sort of meaningful realationship too. I think the challenge is greater for girls because we are often taken advantage of right from the get go, when we are very young and still very uninformed. As each negative experience takes us down a knotch and we turn further inward it becomes more and more challenging to find or except the right guy. Online dating can be quite intimidating for woman, esp if one realises how many sociopathic NTs or otherwise (such as in Lonermutant's case) are there on the self serving prowl for the convience of internet 'shopping' as it is.

Why don't more Aspie guys attend Meetups? There are always a larger percentage of girls who do. I think any girl is more likely to be open to meeting a guy on a Meetup than an internet dating site, at least it shows initiative.

I think some aspie guys can underestimate how difficult dating is for women on the Spectrum. I honestly don't think it's easier for either gender; there are just different sets of challenges.

It's always frustrating for me to hear someone say it's easier for women or talk about how the ratio of men to women with AS makes it easy for women to find dates, too. It just makes me feel I must be be extra disfunctional or inadequate for not being in a good relationship!

I think each gender faces very difficult and yet different challenges in this sphere.

Why is Lonermutant being singled out here? I know he's largely been negative, but so have many other men on this forum; have I missed anything in particular?

Because there are none where i live. They are always in the UK or the US.

I do not know why other guys don't go there, but maby they felt like i did a few years ago - like as if they were in a deep well of hopelessness, and trying to do something at that point is virtually impossible, getting out of bed is hell, eating food isn't a priority and dating is tiresome and out of the question. Then we have people with social phobias and others who does not see the point in socialising or are asexual.

So you see, "just going" isn't an option for some guys.

I agree. I actually wasn't all that offended by his commentary. He wasn't attacking any other members on the site, he was simply being honest about his own wants. He doesn't actually strike me as a manipulative type; those would be unlikely to say flat out that they were after a girl just for sex. They tend to lie and act like someone they're not.

His comments were only inappropriate in that he kept generalizing to other aspie guys. Not an offense that would merit a whole new thread personally attacking him.

~ Anyway, I will respond to this thread at any rate as it brings up an important topic (although I disagree with the way it was brought up). Yes, I do believe that AS girls have it JUST as hard as AS guys when it comes to relationships, although the challenges we face are different and often go unrecognized. Despite this, many AS guys (even good friends of mine) believe we have it easier. Sometimes this forum really depresses me because of the women bashing that often occurs. I think it's very disheartening for the women on here who also struggle with relationships to have to be judged because of their gender and not even feel included by people in the same boat as them.

I was sort of wondering the same thing, but just noticed the original post apprears in the 'Aspie Affection' thread. I think it was intended to go there as a response to his comments and was just accidentally posted here, too, as a new thread. Guess it needs to be moved there, if we didn't move it too far off topic.

You are more mature than us growing up. That means that you have a greater chance of getting a good education, a good job and a nt boyfriend/husband and kids.

oops, I actually never intended this to be an independent post, I thought I was posting a reply to a different discussion. It was in that discussion that Lonermutant stated that his only purpose to be with a female was to get laid. At least for me that implies that he his quite selfish and without regard for his female counterpart.

Aspie women probably are not more mature than most guys, and most probably not more mature than their NT peers. I think many Aspie girls will attract NT guys, but will not initially recognize that she is different, but, some are not very kind at all once they do see the Aspie characteristics and have the girl labeled as weird. Most aspie girls have the same social difficulties as guys in the spectrum, so it is difficult for us to tell if even another Aspie is interested in us.
Of course, it is not just NT guys that can be insensitive and a problem for the Aspie girl just coming into her own self. Sociopaths target Aspie girls (and guys I'm sure), we are perfect preys for their web of deception and need to dominate others for their own pleasure. WE both have challenges regardless of gender!

I'd readily acknowledge that women with AS have problems. Even people who don't have AS generally have problems. I would, however, propose two theses:

1. Women with AS, on the mean, are not single as often as men with AS - at least of the same age.
2. Women with AS, again on the mean, stay in relationships for longer than men with AS.

I think just about everyone seems to agree with the first one. I've seen some people assert that women with AS have more trouble staying in relationships than men with AS, but of course I don't believe that's true so such a case would have to be substantiated. An interesting thesis, which I don't know the truth of, is:

* Women with AS, on the mean, are victims of domestic abuse or sexual abuse more frequently than women without AS.

You'd like me if you got to know me IRL. I have my preferences because of my experiences. I don't enjoy manipulation or control which are the drivers behind NT relationships.

Hector, you just finished you statement with basically an agreement to Blueroses assertion. Our challenges are different yet neither sex has the advantage. Would you prefer to be in a manipulative, abusive relationship??

Gawd .....





Many guys are like this, not just 'aspie' guys .....as much as many girls want a guy just for money and prestige.

Translation from RICKY5ian to English (this is for airbase): "airbase, pm me and give me your email. I am a good guy and I will make you happy"

My apologies then, in that case my post was an overreaction.