For the girls

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Gals,
Listen to me carefully. If you are heavy or think you are unattractive, you may not be getting dates not because of you but because of the competition that goes on between guys. This goes on in general even between guys that don't even necessarily know each other. It's the dating game. It has NOTHING to do with love. It's about who had won the finer mate. The guy who is seen as winning the finer mate is thus THE FINER GUY amongst his peers. It's all about the guys ego in front of other guys. It's very little to do with the girl's character. It's only what the eyes see. That's why her appearance is so bloody important. It's ornamental. His ornament to show off. A trophy. Like an old man and a young trophy wife.
Girls are merely ornamental when it comes to dating. A guy wants to impress other guys by picking a girl that they'd all drool over and want. That's how he gets his power over the rest of the male primates. Immature, younger males treat girls as if they were cars. I knew a guy who rented an expensive car for a prom but the mechnic helped this car be able to run just for that night. It sucked as a vehicle. Many ornamental women have all this flash but no substance. It;s all about showmanship. It's not about heart. Many shallow women will parade a man around based on his accomplishment. For example, dating a doctor. He'd be a prick of a husband but a very coveted date. Do you see what I mean? If he's not attractive, she'll spill out right away the fact that he is a doctor. When I was very young, I had a dinner date to where I got all decked out. The guy paraded me around in front of all his friends with all this pride. When he was done pissing them off, he brought me home. No dinner, no movie. no nothing. I served a purpose. His purpose. I cried myself to sleep because I put a lot of effort into looking really nice for him and I was VERY hungry...fasted all day. I spent some cash on better clothing too. Don't be sad because you don't have a date. A date isn't a potential life-long, love partner. People date to get layed. Some date because they think they're supposed too. Some date because they need something to do while their friends are dating. In some cultures, dating isn't even allowed. Some date to hide the fact that they're gay. Some group date. How about a blind date? Dating involves heavy social networking. If you, an aspie isn't part of that world right now with friendships, then you won't be part of that world when it comes to dating. I used to like to date people who I didn't find physically attractive because it forced me to really communicate in order to find something nice to cling too to survive the night. If I dated someone attractive, all I looked forward to was a make-out, grope session in the back of his car which ALWAYS ended up in my heart getting broken in addition to my cherry. Look! You're not missing out. Study hard. Become something. Make something of yourself by getting an education. Love, marriage...it will all come later. I really do wish I still had my cherry on my wedding night. I was too impatient and lost it too soon. All the dating experience I had was a TOTAL waste of my time. I don't even remember the name of the person who took my virginity. If I had known that I would meet someone like my husband, I would've kept my chastity, got educated, and presented to him a much more accomplished woman...a coveted woman that is coveted for her mind, skills and ability. Don't cast your pearls before swine. There's nothing more sexy than a demure, 30 year old virgin. Cosmo magazine just trains you to be an unpaid whore.

I agree about self respect but not about remaining a virgin until God knows when. Sex is a need and part of being human. It's not something women only do to please men.

I don't think it's healthy either to go from being a virgin to being married. That is a drastic leap from having no sexual experience to committing to being with someone for life. It's like diving into deep water when you've had one swimming lesson. If I get married, which I don't plan on doing but I'm not against either, I certainly wouldn't wish for a man who had never had sex before. I'd rather marry a man who has some experience and figured out exactly what he wanted in a woman.

I know you probably meant well when you wrote this, but every other thing you said made me feel so pissed off.

Case in point:

Yes, well, I don't think so. If I wanted to keep my chastity and get myself educated, I would've done it for myself and not in some lame attempt to be more attractive to some prince charming I'd hope to marry. And anyway, a grown man who's attracted to a demure, 30-year-old virgin will probably turn out to be an ass.

Bravo! You are full of wisdom, RightGalaxy. Even though I knew about these things deep down in my heart, it is encouraging to hear it from an outside source.

okay, i can respect your perspective OP... but for myself, i disagree about the dating part, and it would not have worked for me to stay a virgin until 30.

i've been married for 16 years and together with him since 1990. my husband and i slept together on the first night we spoke. we were at a party. we had seen each other around as we had mutual friends, but our first date wasn't until one day after i seduced him. seriously.

i have no regrets. not only did i find a soul mate, i had a heck of a lot of fun getting there!

It's not something MOST women only do to please men.
Those of us women who are asexual but choose to have relationships sometimes do have sex only to please a man.
And it's not some big tragedy or freak show. It just is what it is. I think pretty much everyone who is in a long term relationship does something or other just to please their partner, not out of any great personal desire to do it.

That's one place where women definitely have an advantage. Men that make it to 30 with their virginity intact are often looked at as creeps or otherwise abnormal. After all, they should be able to get laid if they really want to, right?

'

But how can you make a connection with someone when your relationship is defined by sex right off the bat? I can't even imagine hwo that's supposed to work...

So...what you're saying is that I can either A) Pay for surgery to become attractive because men won't take a second look otherwise or B) Wait until I'm so old that I can't have fun anymore because it'll break my hip. Having a career can only provide so much satisfaction. Even if you're successful and rich, you'll be miserable since you won't have anyone to share it with. There's no point in having a big house with all these fancy things if you're the only one who enjoys it.

What I'm saying is go on a diet.

Wouldn't it be great if that worked for everybody?

I already am. It's not an overnight process. By the time I've dropped the 100 pounds, I'll be out of college and forced into the life of a boring adult. No more fun for me, I have bills to pay! So I probably won't have the funds or time to date until I retire. So unless I find someone in the next 7 months, I'll be a spinster. Yaaaaay. :/

Even if I did lose the 100 pounds, people will still see me as fat. That's the size I was when I was 16. 143 pounds at 5'4". I was still seen as unattractive because I had to shop in the women's department. Guys asked me out as a joke and joke to each other about how I bitched them out for it. "Yeah, who'd want a big monster like her anyway?" Apparently being fat makes me a monster.

Just because some people are shallow and looking for trophies or easy scores doesn't mean all are, nor does it mean that you should change yourself in order to attract someone who will only view you as an object - common sense would say that you should do the opposite.

Also, virginity has no value - beyond patriarchal societies where women are property and men want to ensure that their property bears their children - not some magical, mystical thing that is a precious gift to whoever. Experience makes sex better, that's a big reason why so many people regret their first time - because they are typically young, and don't know exactly what they're doing.

Yeah. I'd be attractive then and attain the status of a real woman. After all, women are just accessories with no thoughts or feelings of their own.

Ew.

You disgust me.

Really? I wish I could agree with the first part of your post. Sadly, experience has taught me otherwise.

Umm...even if someone waited until they were older, they still wouldn't know what they were doing because they haven't had any experience yet. It's still the idea of "all theory, no practice." Besides, virginity does have value in my life. It means that Mom is happy with me and I'm not kicked out onto the streets. D: