I go fishing. How do I reel them in?

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I'm facing the same problem, and I'm way past college time. I know this is a question that cannot be simply answered, but I can also understand that it's so easy to ask it.

This is way easier to be said than done, but here are my three advices:

1. Focus on getting friends, not on getting a girlfriend. If you have enough friends the girlfriend will show up automatically.

2. If you like a girl, ask her out! Now! Don't wait until you're madly in love and will be devastated if she rejects you.

3. If a girl rejects you, it's not you, it's her. There's nothing to be done here. Give the girl up and keep on trying.

well said. i agree with all of the points above.

How will that help me? Think of a basketball coach.

He can give his players the fundamentals when they are young. Which is great. But when they get older and have those mastered saying "bend your knees" or "work on your speed" isn't enough.

He will develop a playbook with different strategies. They don't have to be done precisly as called for because adjustments may be required if the opposing side does something unexpected. Plus, you don't want to keep running the same play multiple times because then you are predictable.

But the coach will keep a playbook nonetheless. Sometimes, he takes plays that he has seen other teams use. Sometimes, they are plays that he used when he played basketball. Sometimes he combines what he learned from another play with a play that he already has his team running. It depends.

I am trying to develop a playbook. Not a fool proof 1-2-3 strategy, but I would like to know specific successes and failures that people had and see if one or two of the things here and there are useful for me.

this isn't a game, people are radically different from one another
you can't just have a set system like in sports, these are real people!
you can't use what other people have done because people you go for won't be the same people they did
no one you go for will be like the people I went for
so telling you what I did wouldn't offer anything useful
as the girls were very different from one another

Exactly. I feel like we have said this in a couple of dozen different ways here. Your complete bafflement is starting to help me understand where you are coming from a little better though. You actually and honestly have no idea what you are talking about. I am starting to get a really strong vibe that everything you know about life and love comes from bad sitcoms and teen romance serials. Just please accept the word of some "real" people - what you are asking for does not exist.

How old are you? I have been speaking to you as an adult and I am starting to wonder.

I'm gonna guess 16-17

College age, as I said earlier. I understand that people are different. But the human mind works in a certain way. Social psychology people. No, not everyone will be the same. But, there will be some similarities.

Instead of saying you can't do that...you should just answer my question and if certain aspects of your successes or failures can't be broken down into one or two ideas that would be helpful for me (other than the cliche phrases like be yourself), then I will learn that for myself.

But let me at least try.

Now...can you give specific instances in which you overcame the aspie norm of not having enough social skills in order to grow into greater favor with your wife or girlfriend.

What abut failures?

I don't see how specific cases will help?
It's not like ALL aspies have the same issues.
It's very frustrating.

yeah it won't help you dude, I am not wasting my time writing out my weird situations, you need to figure out it on your own

I can agree with this to an extent... but you also need the right kind of friends. Most of my friends are outside my age range, and as such, are not people I'd want to date. I had to extend my own range downward to date my ex, who later dumped me on account of how I was too "boring"

What happens if you do ask her out at such an early stage, but the love fails to materialize? Then you've just wasted a good deal of both her and your time.

One rejection is easy to rationalize away as such. But after I have been rejected multiple times with only one short-lived acceptance, the only logical conclusion I was able to come up with is that the problem lies within me. I am the only common denominator, after all...

My brother stopped slamming the door and breaking things out of anger, and I'm sure his wife appreciates that.

He's been bottling up so many things we're still waiting for him to explode one of these days, though.

I disagree - how is it wasting time? it's getting experience and you might get some good times out of it.

Answer: Expand your social circle.



Answer: You've had fun (hopefully) and gained some experience. Hopefully you can learn from it.



You're right, you are the common link. But that doesn't mean you are inherently bad at relationships, it just means that you need to change what you are doing; do things differently.

The objective is not achieved... I'm left all alone, again.

Spinning your wheels man, spinning your wheels man.

Honestly, my battery is drained. This whole love and dating thing is draining me both physically and mentally.

IMO, us aspie men are either cold, aloof and void of empathy/emotionally blind or prone to being hot headed. I analogize us to a Prius, Lexus or a Trane/Carrier furnace.