My Aspieness is interfering with my relationship

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Oh hon, I'm sorry. Please don't hurt yourself. If you seriously feel like you will hurt yourself, please reach out to your local suicide prevention hotline. I've been where you are, and felt the way you've described. Please believe that the way you feel now won't last forever - it will get better. Take care.

thank you for the comfort (who effing says we don't have ToM?). i'm holding on until my mother comes on wednesday. she made me promise.

the pain is still so fresh it's difficult to maintain any equilibrium, but in a brief moment of sanity, i called those i know (in spite of myself) actually do care about me. i'll still need to call my therapist tomorrow. i don't want to cry in front of her, but i guess that's what i pay her for. i just hope she doesn't baker act (crisis oriented institutionalisation) before my mom gets here. my mom doesn't have a key.

i am vascillating between a desire to die and not caring for living. i'm holding on to the latter for now.