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NaomiDB
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28 Dec 2011, 7:57 pm

I am nineteen and I am not really attracted to anyone under the twenty three mark.

It's just my taste in men. the last guy I dated was 23 and he was pretty cute, but immature, panicked about ridiculous things I couldn't relate to, Didn't really know what he wanted, I would date up to a 35 year old, maybe older if I was really in love.



CaptainTrips222
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28 Dec 2011, 11:20 pm

There's a woman at work in her late forties, but she's married. There was one instructor who was 36 when I was 23, but I don't think she was interested. Figures. You know, not too many older women would date a younger guy if she's already been with a guy who has his own place, etc.



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29 Dec 2011, 11:48 am

I can relate to the younger and older generation well enough. Just wouldn't date some because the young ones can be immature and the older ones seem to be like a parent in my view.
I would think 19 to 24 would be okay if they met the requirements I have. Would say lower if they are only a little immature and 17 or over.


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29 Dec 2011, 7:17 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
Vigilans wrote:
I seem to attract women who are a few years older than I. At the moment, for example, I have the hots for a woman who is 39.

oh, silly you!! !


Aw, you read my mind over long distance?

Wait, what else can you do? 8O your superpowers must be impressive!


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29 Dec 2011, 8:11 pm

Vigilans wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Vigilans wrote:
I seem to attract women who are a few years older than I. At the moment, for example, I have the hots for a woman who is 39.

oh, silly you!! !


Aw, you read my mind over long distance?

Wait, what else can you do? 8O your superpowers must be impressive!

well, remember that dream you had....


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HighPlateau
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29 Dec 2011, 8:32 pm

My lovely former LTR partner and I shared a Chinese birth sign. He was 12 years younger. The difference bothered me when we first got together, only because I wasn't sure how he would react when he learned the extent of our age difference. But it didn't bother him, and it wasn't an issue at all in terms of general compatibility. Our energies and interests synched very well. But it's funny how some things stick in your mind. The only time age came up in a bad way was when I urged him to spend alcohol-free time with me and he said, 'You're not my mother!' I guess she had been the first one to tackle him about drinking ...

There was one fundamental incompatibility, however, that related to life stage, rather than age per se. We were each parent to a son of similar age. But I was growing up with mine (i.e. had sole responsibility), whereas he had wickedly been denied proper access to his and not allowed to share responsibility in any real way. It's my observation that parenting grows you up forcibly in ways that non-parenting generally does not. (It's moot whether standard NT would consider my version of grown-upness as passing muster at all :?, but compared to my then partner I declare I was trying to be a proper grownup!) It was that, I believe, that drove the real wedge between us, manifesting as complete differences in emotional focal point and my unshared preoccupation with providing stability.

Once my parenting job was complete I was free to make partner my number one, and could re-immerse in the basic pagan hedonism of our preferred politico-Bohemian music-based life, YAY! But, sadly, we discovered very quickly that our moment had passed and we just couldn't get it together. I think by then (though he would deny it to the death) he had started 'seeing' me as older, because of all those years where I had been responsible anchor-mother in my home, while he exercised freedom to dip in and out at will while building an independent man's life in his. So yeah, I'd definitely say it's a matter of perspective, and life stage dumps all over simple chronology.

[edits - futzing around with what to call former partner, duh]



Last edited by HighPlateau on 29 Dec 2011, 9:19 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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29 Dec 2011, 8:59 pm

I am not sure. I am willing to date girls from 16 to 30 years old, depending on how mature they are. But I think younger women would have more difficult accepting my differences, while older women would be turned off by my lack of experience and immaturity (I am only mature when it comes to work: I am very diligent). Yeah, I prefer mature women even though I admit I am immature. Maybe when hell freezes over.



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29 Dec 2011, 9:59 pm

HighPlateau wrote:
My lovely former LTR partner and I shared a Chinese birth sign. He was 12 years younger. The difference bothered me when we first got together, only because I wasn't sure how he would react when he learned the extent of our age difference. But it didn't bother him, and it wasn't an issue at all in terms of general compatibility. Our energies and interests synched very well. But it's funny how some things stick in your mind. The only time age came up in a bad way was when I urged him to spend alcohol-free time with me and he said, 'You're not my mother!' I guess she had been the first one to tackle him about drinking ...

There was one fundamental incompatibility, however, that related to life stage, rather than age per se. We were each parent to a son of similar age. But I was growing up with mine (i.e. had sole responsibility), whereas he had wickedly been denied proper access to his and not allowed to share responsibility in any real way. It's my observation that parenting grows you up forcibly in ways that non-parenting generally does not. (It's moot whether standard NT would consider my version of grown-upness as passing muster at all :?, but compared to my then partner I declare I was trying to be a proper grownup!) It was that, I believe, that drove the real wedge between us, manifesting as complete differences in emotional focal point and my unshared preoccupation with providing stability.

Once my parenting job was complete I was free to make partner my number one, and could re-immerse in the basic pagan hedonism of our preferred politico-Bohemian music-based life, YAY! But, sadly, we discovered very quickly that our moment had passed and we just couldn't get it together. I think by then (though he would deny it to the death) he had started 'seeing' me as older, because of all those years where I had been responsible anchor-mother in my home, while he exercised freedom to dip in and out at will while building an independent man's life in his. So yeah, I'd definitely say it's a matter of perspective, and life stage dumps all over simple chronology.

[edits - futzing around with what to call former partner, duh]

thank you for sharing that story. i like hearing other people's experiences. my boyfriend is 10 years younger than me, but are in a long-distance relationship at this stage.


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Butterflair
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01 Jan 2012, 10:13 am

CaptainTrips222 wrote:
You know, not too many older women would date a younger guy if she's already been with a guy who has his own place, etc.


Yes they would, as an older woman I would have no problem dating a younger guy. It's the person that matters most, not what they own or make or where they live, it's the compatibility factor most. The age is just a silly number.

Guys, don't judge anyone on age and don't rule out older woman. Your missing a great chance to gain life experience with someone who is patient and kind. She may not be the "the one" but give it a chance, the experience might help you later in your life. If an older woman likes you, enjoy it!! :wink:


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02 Jan 2012, 1:18 pm

It's an interesting topic because I know that in my experiences, I've always gotten along better with people, both a lot younger or older than me (like age 18 or 30). As as far as relationships go, I'm not sure where I'd stand and what I should do. I'm 23 right now and I find myself attracted to older girls. However what I do notice is the majority of the girls will date guys much older than them. After all, older men are more mature, likely to have a good career and be good providers as opposed to a young college student who lives with his parents. I couldn't see a girl go from someone who is say 45 years old to someone who is 23 even if she is say, 27 years old. I suppose at this time I'd have a better shot with 18-20 year olds even if I'm not intellectually compatible with them like I could be with a girl in her late 20's. It seems like for men, dating gets better with age.


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02 Jan 2012, 1:24 pm

^^^something to keep in mind about dating younger women is that they mature, get educated, etc. so if you are dating someone who seems like pretty cool but is just less intellectual at the current age, then keep in mind if she is a college student then she she will mature and change and could be a lot closer to what you consider "ideal" in a few years. it's not a guarantee that she would change in the ways you would want, but people at age 18 are somewhat less fixed in their character and personality than an older person might be. so there may be potential there.

(some older women like younger men, too. so if that is what you are seeking it could also happen)


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HighPlateau
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03 Jan 2012, 3:25 pm

Butterflair wrote:
It's the person that matters most, not what they own or make or where they live, it's the compatibility factor most. The age is just a silly number. Guys, don't judge anyone on age and don't rule out older woman.

Yes, this ^ ^ ^ absolutely ...

Quote:
Your missing a great chance to gain life experience with someone who is patient and kind.

... but are we sure people become more patient and kind, just because more years pass? I've seen some pretty grumpy older people in my time! And I would hate for someone to confuse me with his mother (for whom this is the more usual stereotype than for a lover)! !

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She may not be the "the one" but give it a chance, the experience might help you later in your life.

I'm pretty sure that if I were the 'older woman' I would not be too happy to waste my remaining youth on someone who had no intention of sticking around for the rest of the story. I would rather invest those precious wiser years in forging a lifelong relationship with a decent bloke who had outgrown such fickleness. What women want must also be part of the equation; the implication that an older woman would 'settle' for something temporary is something that disturbs me quite a lot, because it feeds into demeaning sterotypes about loss of desirability and resigned availability for exploitation aka 'desperation'. Women live longer than men anyway, assuming everyone has basically looked after themselves properly, so it makes sense to swing the age difference in this direction.

Quote:
If an older woman likes you, enjoy it!! :wink:

Yeah, she probably knows what she's doing in other ways = fringe benefits, :D. Absolutely fine if all you both want is a bit of fun. But still be careful, know yourself and be honest: most people (yes, men as well as women) find it hard to disengage emotionally once a sexual relationship has begun.



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03 Jan 2012, 4:06 pm

I seem to only attract older women maybe I should just get used to it and embrace it. :roll:


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03 Jan 2012, 4:59 pm

Trigas wrote:
I seem to only attract older women maybe I should just get used to it and embrace it. :roll:

The older women I attract are women I worked with or women online(like on dating sites I've used or forums) who are parents or grandparents who talk about how they wish they could get their daughter or granddaughter to go out with me. Or I attract teenaged girls online who are sometimes interested in me as more than a friend but they are under 18 so I don't consider the possibility. I wish I could attract women who are over 18 who would be interested in me


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07 Jan 2012, 1:17 am

I can go up or down twenty years but what do I know. My first girlfriend was 4 years older i was 12, the next was 9 years older when I was 16. I have only had one younger by two years. The prevailing laws in the state I lived in would have landed me in jail even though I was the one being persude so we parted ways.



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07 Jan 2012, 1:42 am

Not sure I could really say. Most I've been interested in are only ever a few months apart. I think I'd rather have someone at least a little older, though, as they generally don't tend to expect me to always be the "boss" and are able to see things on more of an equal level. That said, others have been a bit conceited.


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