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Alone Time

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edgewaters
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07 Jun 2012, 3:37 am

JanuaryMan wrote:
SilkySifaka wrote:
I need quite a lot of alone time. For some of that time I need to be alone in the flat, but for a lot of the time I am happy if my boyfriend is in the same room as me as long as he doesn't need my attention. So he plays computer games and I read my books or just sit in silence or research my interests online. I like that he is there in the room, and he is quite happy with this arrangement too. We do have quality time together where we talk, or watch films together etc.


This is what I like, too :) being alone together rules lol


Yes, it's the best! I do need some alone alone time too though, but I don't need the whole apartment (though thats nice once in a while)



NicoleG
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07 Jun 2012, 10:23 am

sinkorswim5493 wrote:
So sometimes, I don't know if to just keep asking, or to just ease off and think 'well if he REALLY wants to meet up, he'll let me know'!

Both are correct. If he REALLY wants to meet up, he will let you know. AND you should keep asking him about hanging out when YOU really want to. Worst case scenario, he says he's not up to it, and as long as you don't take it personally like some people do, then you're cool.



Night_Shade917
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07 Jun 2012, 10:32 am

sinkorswim5493 wrote:
I do find this one of the more difficult aspects of knowing how to act with my AS friend. Often if I feel that I have been asking for too much time or contact, I will ease up and wait to hear from him, so as to give him space. I often will say 'oh, if you feel like company, let me know'. Then I may eventually hear from him, and he may start talking about how bored he is (or has been) and how he has nothing to do, and I get frustrated thinking 'welll... I did say if you wanted to do something, let me know, maybe you just don't want to hang out with me'. A few times, I have come outright and asked 'welllll why didn't you suggest meeting up' and I get the response 'oh it didn't occur to me to ask, even though I do/did want to meet up'! or 'oh, if you wanted to do something, you should have said'!.

So sometimes, I don't know if to just keep asking, or to just ease off and think 'well if he REALLY wants to meet up, he'll let me know'!


Indeed, I recently read about this sort of thing in a book. Sometimes telling them straight what you what is what you have to do because things obvious to NT's wouldn't be so obvious to an Aspie. Sometimes they don't think of things like we do and need a bit of reminding/prompting to do these things at times I guess. But I do agree with what NicoleG said above.



sinkorswim5493
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07 Jun 2012, 10:58 am

NicoleG & Night_Shade917:

Thanks :-D

I kind of have been trying to do that a bit more recently, and it seems to be working okay :-) I'm just not used to being the initiator of things in any of my social interactions, and it does kind of feel like nagging (I have friends who will ask and ask and ask and ask to do something which I don't want to do, but eventually I relent to make life easier, and I would never want him to feel like he HAS to do something, so that thought is always kind of in the back of my mind), but I've been assured by my AS friend that it isn't nagging, so I guess it's all good!



Night_Shade917
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07 Jun 2012, 11:06 am

Haha of course. As long as he's alright with you asking and doesn't think it's nagging then it's all good isn't it? :D Sometimes it's good to know that you aren't annoying someone with something haha I know exactly how you feel :). Sometimes Aspies are very forgetful and need to be reminded.