Women, what do you think of men who are quiet and shy?

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Kjas
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12 Aug 2012, 8:42 am

I much prefer quiet and reserved men provided that they can let me know that they are interested, rather than loud or outgoing types.

A guy can be quiet and reserved and still have a great strength of character, know who he is as a person and what he stands for. In my experience, it's usually the more reserved guys with strength of character that don't usually need to be loud or outgoing to assert themselves when it's really necessary. I find that quiet confidence attractive.

Beyond that, I would not be able to date a loud, outgoing, extroverted or social guy and nor would I want to. I did try once to see and it failed miserably since we were so incompatible. I know I am compatible with quiet guys. Once they trust you and open up a bit, they're usually very fun.

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Last edited by Kjas on 13 Aug 2012, 12:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

CrazyStarlightRedux
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12 Aug 2012, 11:38 am

Kjas wrote:

I much prefer quiet and reserved men provided that they can let me know that they are interested, rather than loud or outgoing types.

A guy can be quiet and reserved and still have a great strength of character, know who he is as a person and what he stands for. In my experience, it's usually the more reserved guys with strength of character that don't usually need to be loud or outgoing to assert themselves when it's really necessary. I find that quiet confidence attractive.

Beyond that, I would not be able to date a loud, outgoing, extroverted or social guy. I did try once and it failed miserably since we were so incompatible. I know I am compatible with quiet guys. Once they trust you and open up a bit, they're usually very fun.

Exactly! (bolded)

I never get the thing with outgoing people (male or female), as I tend to find that is all they can show about themselves...with interests that are either boring or just an interest everyone else is following (a fad).

Quiet people have their own interests and don't follow others...they also develop their own way of things...but the only thing that can be hard is to know what they are feeling as they don't open up that easily (NT or Aspie Quiet people).

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Nonperson
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12 Aug 2012, 12:42 pm

They are actually the only kind of guys I like. Extroversion is a turnoff.

Aimless
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12 Aug 2012, 5:34 pm

spongy wrote:

Aimless wrote:

ValentineWiggin wrote:

Aimless wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Weak.

They won't tell you this here tho.

That doesn't apply to me (I'm female). My only issue with shy men is being shy myself, I can't tell if they might be interested. "Weak" doesn't enter into my consideration.

You're lying- there are no exceptions to bitter dogmas!

:wink:

Sadly, my 14 year old son (who has AS) and has had no actual experience with relationships has adopted this bitter attitude. My only guess is that he's picked it up online.

Dont be like that.

Its the only logical conclusion from the selected aspects on society we wish to pay attention to and we will not listen to anyone with a different view :lol:

Yeah, I complained for years about men who feared emotional intimacy and then realized I was the one who was fearful and was therefore drawn to the wrong people.

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aussiebloke
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12 Aug 2012, 7:36 pm

Kjas wrote:

I much prefer quiet and reserved men provided that they can let me know that they are interested, rather than loud or outgoing types.

A guy can be quiet and reserved and still have a great strength of character, know who he is as a person and what he stands for. In my experience, it's usually the more reserved guys with strength of character that don't usually need to be loud or outgoing to assert themselves when it's really necessary. I find that quiet confidence attractive.

Beyond that, I would not be able to date a loud, outgoing, extroverted or social guy. I did try once and it failed miserably since we were so incompatible. I know I am compatible with quiet guys. Once they trust you and open up a bit, they're usually very fun.

oh dear

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Reesie20
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12 Aug 2012, 10:38 pm

I actually really like quiet guys and I would prefer one over anyone who is loud and obnoxious.

bruinsy33
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12 Aug 2012, 11:48 pm

Nonperson wrote:

They are actually the only kind of guys I like. Extroversion is a turnoff.

It's unfortunate that quiet and shy guy's are usually the ones who have the hardest time getting into relationships.Women seem to like shy men but often because of society's expectations[the man is suppose to initiate] quiet men remain on the sidelines .

The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Aug 2012, 1:56 am

hartzofspace wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Sexist double standard fact:

Shyness in girls is seen as virtue, or at least with indifference.

Shyness in guys is often seen as a very negative trait.

I have to disagree. My guy is quiet, soft spoken and a little shy. He still got the courage up to ask me out, and we are now engaged. I admired him all the more for taking the initiative since I saw how hard it was for him.

Which proves more my point!!

He had to do something anti-shy to get anywhere with you! and you admired him because of this non-shy act.

What if you he remained all shy about? would you have asked him out? I doubt it, you would have gone with another guy who had the courage to ask you out.

The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Aug 2012, 2:05 am

ValentineWiggin wrote:

Aimless wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Weak.

They won't tell you this here tho.

That doesn't apply to me (I'm female). My only issue with shy men is being shy myself, I can't tell if they might be interested. "Weak" doesn't enter into my consideration.

You're lying- there are no exceptions to bitter dogmas!

:wink:

Yes....you're lying ....to yourselves.

Yes, that's it. You lie to yourselves, female aspies, you claim to like shy and quiet men while most of you women expect and WANT the men to initiate with you which totally contradicts the nature of shyness that some of you claim to admire (lol, right), and the men who don't initiate go nowhere with you (=not worth your time, weak).

So I still strongly stand with my answer to the tread's title: Weak.

Taboos are fun, no?

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 14 Aug 2012, 7:55 am, edited 4 times in total.

MXH
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14 Aug 2012, 2:05 am

lol. tell it like it is

The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Aug 2012, 2:30 am

Phew - that felt good.

yellowtamarin
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14 Aug 2012, 2:31 am

A lot of people find if difficult to approach the opposite sex to initiate something, whether shy or not, male or female. That is a separate issue to what women think of men who are quiet and shy in general. So there are two different approaches to answering the OP's questions, depending on whether you are referring to the part where he says "I was too nervous to ask them out" or the part where he says "I am shy, soft-spoken, and quiet".

MXH
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14 Aug 2012, 2:33 am

that didnt answer or change anything past the last 2 posts.

The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Aug 2012, 2:38 am

HA! Look at them, reconsidering already and making differentiation between "shy who's afraid to ask them out" and " "shy" who has the social courage to ask them out".

bruinsy33
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14 Aug 2012, 2:50 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

hartzofspace wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Sexist double standard fact:

Shyness in girls is seen as virtue, or at least with indifference.

Shyness in guys is often seen as a very negative trait.

So what options does that leave for Aspie men? If in general women are not going to ask out a man ,should the Aspie male work on that aspect of his personality,asking out women [as difficult as it may be ] or should the Aspie male focus on that rare percentage of women who have no hesitation in asking a man out?

BrokenEnvoke
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14 Aug 2012, 2:52 am

mds_02 wrote:

It's not that women don't like shy guys. It's that, in our culture, men are expected to make the first move so, if you are shy, they are unlikely to realize that you like them.

I really hate this way of thinking, as truthful as it is.

Last edited by BrokenEnvoke on 14 Aug 2012, 2:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

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