AS Dating

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I am wondering if there are speeding dating or online dating for people with AS? Any advice?

There are a couple (see "aspie affection" link in the left sidebar) but you may have better luck meeting people on these forums. Try the "eligible odd bods" thread, or "getting to know each other".

Thanks

If you use facebook there are quite a few groups in there too. Try typing "aspie" or "asperger" into the search box at the top of your FB page. I'm on one just for aspie singles and dating. Also datehookup.com has a disability forum and a few of us aspies have two threads going in there. Already made a few online AS friends and sooner or later may find one close enough to date. I even put ads in craigslist seeking a woman over 40 with asperger's.

Why would aspies want to date fellow aspies? There is the off-chance that 2 aspies meet and completely understand each other because they think the same way. OTOH, having all those intolerant, rigid, obsessive traits and quirks from both parties surely results nightmare relationships.

People can meet and click but still be separated by geography and other factors, though I believe some members here with a lot of presence have moved countries to live together. I would examine the rigidities and call it good if our strengths offset the other's deficiencies, as in she's better than me at budgeting and I can deal with the act of shopping better, she can hand me the list and the money and I can go deal with the market. Just little yin/yang things, or as a pastor friend described from the "Rocky" movie; Rocky and Adrian's relationship - gaps - "She's got gaps and I've got gaps, but it works out"

I have dated a woman for a year and a half with undiagnosed AS. I liked her alot and I would have ended up marrying her. I and my family knew she had it. I tried to coax it out of her, but when I told her that I had it. She and her family treated me like I had a severe disability. It was a setback for my confidence.

I am over the sense of loss. I did it through the help of meditation, prayer, and martial arts. I just want to find someone that has shared the same burden. If that makes sense?

the competition is too much for men when it comes to online dating

I think you answered your own question... Mutual understanding is a wonderful thing to have in a relationship, and something I had been missing with NTs. Sure, there are negatives, but I'd say it's worth a try.

Why not?

Thank you for the advice. I often laugh being AS and desiring a relationship with a woman. I just think it is the ultimate challenge for something with AS, because you have know what another person and woman is thinking and feeling.

anything worth having does not come easy, no pain no gain, for men it is societal pain, for women it is biological, physical pain(periods, pregnancy, child-birth) since women always use that excuse

When it comes to online dating, women def have the upper hand. Some sites have as many as 10 guys to 1 girl.

So if you plan to try it, be prepared to dig in, send a lot of messages, and accept that a 1:100 reply rate is a good rate.

A speed date might be better since it requires active participation; and would eliminate the women who sign up just to see how many messages they will get for an ego boost.

No it's not! I a get 1:5 reply rate, and I suck hairy gonads at online dating. 1:100 means you're doing something horrifically wrong like not having a picture or having an incredibly boring profile.

Regardless, meeting people in real life is the way to go, your bread and butter. Online dating is for extra action on the side.

it is so damn frustrating

Especially when it comes to Aspergers. AS is diagnosed 4x more in men than women & Aspie guys seem to generally have a harder time getting women than Aspie girls have getting men. I'm NOT saying that Aspie women have an easy time getting men but there's lots more than 4x as many post here by lonely guys than lonely women & the social roles for men & women tend to be different with dating; the men more active with seeking & women more passive generally so women who aren't having much luck can take the more active approach & messaging guys 1st online can give them an edge that the guys don't get. So while the idea of an Aspie dating thing sounds very appealing; it's very likely to work for most due to the much higher ratio of Aspie guys to Aspie women using it.