27 Oct 2012, 8:30 pm
MXH
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27 Oct 2012, 8:39 pm
27 Oct 2012, 8:40 pm
Titangeek
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27 Oct 2012, 8:47 pm
I tend to be attracted to intelligence.
Talk nerdy to me 
27 Oct 2012, 9:36 pm
Kjas wrote:
In my experience, people don't hate smart women.
Rather the situation can go various ways.
E.g. Lots of smart women unknowingly are condescending (especially if you're aspie too, it makes it seem that way - even if you're not)
And lots of them also need to be in control. In an attempt to be in control, they will criticize, change and generally attempt to make perfect everything around them (including people).
Lots of men want to feel good about themselves, and for many of them, they do this by ego and especially by being right (I think you can see how this would be a problem
)
And lots of guys want to be in control. It's much harder to control, manipulate or otherwise use psychological tactics on a smart woman, as she is more likely to call him on his crap and refuse to let him get away with it.
Just because someone is smart, does not guarantee them other important positive traits necessarily, like kindness, empathy, open-mindedness or confidence.
In fact, many smart people don't have those traits and also tend to overlook how important they can be, because they would rather focus on what they have rather than what they don't.
If a guy starts using psychological tactics on you and you call him out on it in a calm and mature manner, he may have a bit of a hissy fit, but he will respect you for it later, knowing he can't decieve you or get away with crap if he is a fairly balanced individual. But some guys can't even take their motives or behaviour being questioned in that way if their ego is too big and will simply go and find a woman who will put up with in, who they can use those types of tactics to control her with.
And - as someone was in a similar position to you - it's best if you don't mention that you're in college now earlier than you should be when meeting others. Give them time to get to know you first before letting them know about that. Otherwise they will judge and sterotype you by that alone since so many use initals impressions and stick to them like glue. It's easier that way, but it also allows them to get to know you as a person, rather than just being labelled "the smart one" again.
In summary, it's not intellence in itself (although sometimes that be intimidating due to gender roles), but it's usually the combination of traits the person has with it, their attitude to themselves and others, and what others motives are and how they choose to respond to the person in question.
Rather the situation can go various ways.
E.g. Lots of smart women unknowingly are condescending (especially if you're aspie too, it makes it seem that way - even if you're not)
And lots of them also need to be in control. In an attempt to be in control, they will criticize, change and generally attempt to make perfect everything around them (including people).
Lots of men want to feel good about themselves, and for many of them, they do this by ego and especially by being right (I think you can see how this would be a problem
)And lots of guys want to be in control. It's much harder to control, manipulate or otherwise use psychological tactics on a smart woman, as she is more likely to call him on his crap and refuse to let him get away with it.
Just because someone is smart, does not guarantee them other important positive traits necessarily, like kindness, empathy, open-mindedness or confidence.
In fact, many smart people don't have those traits and also tend to overlook how important they can be, because they would rather focus on what they have rather than what they don't.
If a guy starts using psychological tactics on you and you call him out on it in a calm and mature manner, he may have a bit of a hissy fit, but he will respect you for it later, knowing he can't decieve you or get away with crap if he is a fairly balanced individual. But some guys can't even take their motives or behaviour being questioned in that way if their ego is too big and will simply go and find a woman who will put up with in, who they can use those types of tactics to control her with.
And - as someone was in a similar position to you - it's best if you don't mention that you're in college now earlier than you should be when meeting others. Give them time to get to know you first before letting them know about that. Otherwise they will judge and sterotype you by that alone since so many use initals impressions and stick to them like glue. It's easier that way, but it also allows them to get to know you as a person, rather than just being labelled "the smart one" again.
In summary, it's not intellence in itself (although sometimes that be intimidating due to gender roles), but it's usually the combination of traits the person has with it, their attitude to themselves and others, and what others motives are and how they choose to respond to the person in question.
I was gonna say a lot of this myself, but I figured I'd be patient and read through the comments first to avoid saying something redundant.
I do notice that I don't feel as if I'm good enough if I'm not better than my partner, and I do like being right and I do like being in control. I think that is stupid and I don't like being stupid, so I try actively to suppress my pride. I do not want to feel good about myself if my feelings are stupid. This is actually why I name myself ShamelessGit. Shame is what happens when your sense of pride is incompatible with reality, so if you don't feel pride you can't have shame. I also do not like my pride because people will in general distort reality to protect their pride, which is an obstruction to good learning, and learning is very important to me.
I think maybe it is less common that aspie men are intimidated by intelligence, but it could also be that they immediately reject the idea to protect their own pride. I think in general men do have big egos and they want to be in control.
I like it when my women get in my face when I make a mistake and when they make their intentions/desire clear. I make many mistakes and I'll make more if they try to protect my pride by being sneaky about rejection or advice.
I am also sincerely attracted to all people who are intelligent and strong-willed (I think I have an appreciation for power in general), and especially with women because I can tie those traits to my romantic desires. When I meet women who are about as smart or maybe smarter than me, this attraction can outweigh my disappointment at finding proof that I am not the smartest person on the whole earth. My last girlfriend was older and more accomplished than myself, and there was literally nothing I could do that she could not understand, although I was a physics major and she a doctor (why the hell do doctors even have to know what the Schroedinger equation is? Why do they need to know how to program?) I think it's kind of unfortunate that we may have gotten together just because she has a history of abusive relationships, so it seemed like I was the most wonderful person she had ever met just because I treated her like any decent person should.
27 Oct 2012, 9:37 pm
Titangeek wrote:
I tend to be attracted to intelligence.
Talk nerdy to me
Talk nerdy to me
lol I think that too
27 Oct 2012, 9:57 pm
Titangeek
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27 Oct 2012, 10:13 pm
27 Oct 2012, 10:37 pm
The fine folks who write and draw the webcomic Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal said it best on October 17, 2012:
Kjas
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27 Oct 2012, 10:38 pm
^^^
I came up with 3 answers for that - all very appealing.
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
The Venn diagram of boys who don't like smart girls and boys you don't want to date is a circle.
There is a masculine pressure/expectation to "be first chair" in their relationship, be smarter/more educated/make more money/"wear the pants" etc. which some people buy into more than others. And there is a feminine expectation of being demure and modest. So if you don't fit role or want to play that game you're limiting yourself from the people who do, which I happen to not think is a bad thing. Never hide your light under a bushel to make other people comfortable it'll just lead you to the wrong people. Show off your brains, have interesting intellectual conversations, voice your opinions and hold fast to your values. It's a way better way to pass the time than fluffing someone's ego.
A lot of guys are totally into smart opinionated women and aren't worried about being emasculated or anything, find these guys. And if that takes a while, spend the wait doing what makes you happy and being your awesome self.
There is a masculine pressure/expectation to "be first chair" in their relationship, be smarter/more educated/make more money/"wear the pants" etc. which some people buy into more than others. And there is a feminine expectation of being demure and modest. So if you don't fit role or want to play that game you're limiting yourself from the people who do, which I happen to not think is a bad thing. Never hide your light under a bushel to make other people comfortable it'll just lead you to the wrong people. Show off your brains, have interesting intellectual conversations, voice your opinions and hold fast to your values. It's a way better way to pass the time than fluffing someone's ego.
A lot of guys are totally into smart opinionated women and aren't worried about being emasculated or anything, find these guys. And if that takes a while, spend the wait doing what makes you happy and being your awesome self.
I agree with the underlying premise in the biggest paragraph.
I don't see being opinionated as part of being smart, I consider it a separate trait in itself - yet many people tend to believe that the two go together (hence contributing to part of the negative sterotype of "smart people").
Also - at least to me - an inherently negative one.
Dictionary definition of opinionated: obstinate or conceited with regard to the merit of one's own opinions; conceitedly dogmatic.
Being asked for you opinion and giving it is one thing. Participating within a discussion within reasonable limits is another thing - but simply being opinionated does not endear itself to me.
If one is busy being opinionated, then it is unlikely they they are examining everything presented to them with at least some amount of curiousity, awareness, an attempt to understand and active listening.
Without doing that, one cannot concede when the other participants have a valid reason, point or premise.
If you can't even do that, then you are no longer learning - you are simply agruing with the intention of being right or getting others on your side.
If you cannot objectively sit back and examine your own beliefs and premises repeatedly when someone proposes something - to see if yours still hold, if they must be altered in some way, or if you need to rethink a particular point entirely then you are no longer learning. If you are no longer learning, is there a valid point in engaging in discussion further?
I'm not saying don't stick up for your values - but if your values are there for a reason then somebody else making you think about them or redefine them further than you have previously should be a good thing. Or if they make you realise there is some part that really doesn't hold up which you need to rethink, or they may have points that you feel the need to investigate more thoroughly.
It's incredibly hard to do any of that if one is busy being opinionated.
ValentineWiggin
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27 Oct 2012, 11:36 pm
28 Oct 2012, 9:58 am
28 Oct 2012, 12:33 pm
The_Face_of_Boo
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28 Oct 2012, 1:15 pm
The_Face_of_Boo
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28 Oct 2012, 1:20 pm
28 Oct 2012, 1:24 pm
Short answer: Smart men aren't. 
But sometimes people (of either gender) let their egos run away with them.
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