NT wife wanting to learn aspergese....

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This was done completely on purpose

I would suggest to place this question in the 'parents' section, since there's NT mothers there. Of course, having a husband and having a son is not the same (most of times) but when it comes to communicate, at the end it's about NT-AS communication.

Good idea Greb, thank you. I'll try that!

I once caught a female friend of mine changing her mind three times within a single sentence. Awesome stuff.

Oh, and Teebie; Coodoes to you for caring enough to not only try, but to become an active part of the Aspie community and really delving into the subject. Your love seems to be a strong one. I applaud you.

Thank you so much, GregCav. The more I learn, the more I love him for what he has had to endure and has overcome during his life. The more it breaks my heart for having been so slow to understand. I only hope I haven't left it too late.

I don't understand how anyone can need a translation manual to aspie language. There is no simpler way of interpreting language. And I especially don't understand how you cannot use it yourself. It is less work. You have to start with the denotative interpretation before you can stack other interpretations on top, so you already know how to do it.

Hi,
well I truly wish it was that simple - you're probably right, that as an NT that's where I started with language but I have had more decades than I care to disclose during which time that basic language has acquired layers of metaphor and interpretation, meaning within meaning and a whole network of associative thought. I am not unwilling to try to navigate my way back to basics but it's not as easy as 'just doing'. If we could all 'just do it' then there would never be any communication difficulties between AS and NT and there would be precious little need for a site such as WP. Trust me, that is a world I would love to inhabit

I love to think out loud too and hash things out verbally. That's how I figure things out. that's how I decide what to do. I want to speak out all my options, get feedback, and then start again with the new feedback, until finally the best option remains standing at the end of it all.

Unfortunately, that unnerves him. He's only waiting for what he calls "action items." Literally, if I mention that I would like it if next time X would happen, he will pop up immediately to go do X. And then I tend to get offended that he's suddenly run out of the room instead of listening. We still haven't figured out how to communicate better in some instances.

I only tell you this so you know it isn't only you.

I always thought NT were just lazy or stupid or ignorant when they didn't understand what aspies were trying to tell them. I never thought it would be harder to do less.

No, speaking for myself I am no more lazy stupid or ignorant than are the members of the AS community for not understanding my way of thinking and speaking. We all need to work towards greater understanding. Which is why I am on this site, trying to garner as much information as I can - trying to reciprocate my husband's efforts to understand me.

Most of NT always thought that AS were just lazy or stupid or ignorant when they didn't understand what NTs were trying to tell them.

When a person tells you that he or she is doing his/her best to understand and asking for guide or advice or support, why is so f*****g difficult to accept that people are different?

I had enough of the 'my world is the logic and the right one' actitude among NTs to accept it here. And one of the advantages AS gives me is that I have no emotional blindness because emotional attachment to a group. So, dude, what you said is not only wrong. It's harmful, since it rejects and hurts a person who is trying to understand and do her best.

Criticism is OK. Disdain is not. I would suggest you to hold back discreditings, otherwise I will pm a moderator.

It could be more a problem of how he is communicating with you. Maybe he is not being descriptive enough. I often over simplify nowadays and someone told me could I repeat that in english. One reason why I keep most of my social interactions to topics like the weather or current events (if I know any ).

Yeah git, the thing is she is trying, and most people don't give ASD people a chance in a relationship. She is giving a gift to a type of person we can relate to, and we should thank her for doing what she has done, not call her an idiot. In fact she is smarter, for recognizing how handsome an aspie man is when everyone else doesn't!

Teebie if it isn't too personal, can you give an example of a recent conversation in which the two of you were at odds?

I don't want to shoot too far of the mark.

Yea I think you're right.

I don't think I ever said that the AS way was better, but I think it is hard to argue that it isn't simpler. The only rule for aspies is that they mean what they say (unless they are lying), but I don't think anybody even knows yet fully how NT communicate. So when trying to communicate NT-AS it seems to be a lot fairer to lean more towards the AS side, and a lot easier. She can probably learn everything she has to know by reading posts on wrongplanet for a few days, but aspies spend their whole lives trying to learn NT language and usually they never quite get it.

And I didn't mean to reject her, I was just explaining what I thought before.