height in dating

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I don't really connect with anyone in my life on a deep level. My mom was the one person I loved and trusted the most in my life. And she passed away. Even if she didn't always know what was best for me, she always wanted what she thought was best for me. I have confided in many other people in my life. But I have always struggled with the two-way aspect. Holding my own end of the bargain. Or if I did, those people would always end up disappointing me in some way. My social relationships are pretty much just an exchange of favours. We hang out. Have discussions. I hate forcing myself to ask people about what's going on in their lives because I actually don't care.

Only, it's not the truth it's merely his opinion and based on whatever experience he has.

As well as that, there are respectful and disrespectful ways of saying the same thing. Something being truthful doesn't default it to respectful or disrespectful, either. It is simply truth or falsity and everyone has their own reaction to it.

"I haven't had much good experiences with women of X category. I think it is because of X and Y."
"Women suck because they do. Women of X category are Z and A because I think B and C".

Can you see the difference?

Stating he's only nice to women he's sleeping with is a pretty good indicator he feels entitled.

Telling the truth in itself isn't disrespectful, the truth he tells, however, is. Just because you're honest, doesn't mean the nastiness is negated.

The best point that feenie made is that women do have hypergamous standards. They never want to date down in terms of looks.

This is exactly how I feel which manifests in an OCD need to return all favours as soon as possible in whatever form I can. Like, I can't just receive a compliment or a gift or a favour. It makes me feel utterly unbalanced. A male friend of mine for example keeps saying how he enjoys doing things for people as it makes him feel important and he is what I would term a giver, but I always feel totally wrong if he does something for me which I consider a big deal and then I am not in a position to return the favour of equal value.

Also I have seen some dating advice (like on datingwithdignity.com) which actively promotes this idea of men being a giver and woman being a receiver and that it is actually a good thing to let a man do things for you (as long as you don't take advantage or take it for granted). I can sort of see their point but it still makes me feel utterly uncomfortable and like a transaction is taking place. Like, I grew up on 70s and the 80s television and always have this notion in my head that you do not accept a drink/meal/gift from a guy unless you are prepared to have sex with him and if you do accept something from a guy and then later change your mind, it will be your fault if he rapes you. I know, I know, it's completely insane thinking, but I know a lot of guys who genuinely believe that's a correct attitude to have although they also know it is not PC so will not readily admit to it. But it slips out in jokes and such. The problem is that it's not possible to tell whether you are dealing with a crazy person from the initial interactions which is why even going on a first date is a major trauma for me.

.. Dunno.. just musing now

Who does? Anyway, women are just generally prettier than men so statistically speaking they are bound to be more attractive than their male partners.

He's also completely wrong.

I just read what feenie wrote. He didn't as that any women sucked. If he did say that than I could see how that might be disrespectful.

Nobody wants to but men will, the only times women will date down is if the man has something to offer her like money.

No, he said he could go on for a while about why women are terrible. That's splitting hairs, though.

I think he was talking about western women. Maybe feenie can clarify that.

Is there a possibility that women have earned this reputation themselves or are men just making it up for no reason?

What reward do men get out of bashing women? A lot of these issues men are just sick of and want to bring to light.

Men that say things like feenie has are just mad they no longer have complete control over women. It's a tantrum, and frankly, I and many other women tire of it.

And why would the men bother dating down unless he is getting something out of it? (is sex, companionship etc). you have a number of blind spots in your thinking and it is very difficult to discuss things with you because you just don't acknowledge anything that disagrees with your world view. It's like it doesn't exist.

Both men and women are just people at the end of the day. Everyone is different but pretty much every single person on this planet has issues of some sort. People are not machines. They do not operate according to a set of logical rules and they are largely unpredictable, however some stereotypes exist for a reason so yes, there are women who will be manipulative just as there are men who will be abusive and exploitative. It doesn't mean that everyone everywhere is that way.

Oh to be so young and cynical!

What about kindness, warmth, a sense of humour, intellectual challenge, true respect, true connection...

All this 'dating down' business - we must be going back to 'market value' again. Well, everybody's 'market value' is different and far more flexible than you seem to be considering!

See people on the surface, they will see you on the surface. Doesn't get harder than that.

Didn't you know... women are shallow and men are desperate.