Help!!

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Need help. I live in a small complex of flats and recently a bunch of guys moved into a flat opposite. One of them I feel is trying to mess with me psychologically, I think because he wants to sleep with me(??). He knows I have a boyfriend. He deliberately walked on my balcony talking about me on the phone to somebody one night when he knew I was inside, saying stuff like he thought I had heart/he wanted to get to know me/etc. I barricaded my balcony off with chairs after that, but today he talked to me in the street when we ran into each other both walking home and I didn't know how to ignore him (felt forced to respond out of basic politeness). Tonight at 11:20pm (yes, THAT late) he knocks insistently on my door and I stupidly answered it (I shouldn't have answered the door, it was dumb of me). And he tried to invite me downstairs to have Nepalese food with him and his friends. I explained several times to him that it was really late and I would rather he didn't knock on my door after 9pm at the latest. Then he kept talking about being lonely because his gf was overseas (pretty sure he may have made his gf up) and saying that I was lonely (despite me repeating over and over that I have a boyfriend and am NOT lonely). Was being suggestive in saying that we could be friends so 'we' would be less lonely, didn't have to be in a relationship, could just be "friends" (pretty sure I know what kind of "friendship" he is hoping for). Was very insistent that I come over tomorrow night and have dinner. I don't know how to shake him off, he is really persistent and has this overly friendly manner (which makes it really hard to be rude to him).

I know that this is a social situation that can be resolved but I'm kind of stuck at the moment because I'm worried about being super rude/nasty as I have to live next to this guy. I don't want to make enemies then have to live next to them but atm I'm kind of stuck for other options. help! Any advice/suggestions are welcome.

Sounds like that guy is scaring you. There is no point in being nice to a control freak. If you get to close to that guy, you might have alot of problems on you hands. What does your boyfriend have to say about all of this? Give him your rules of engagement. Be stricked!! Like "dude, what are you doing on my deck?". "Are you talking about me on my deck?". Tell him he is behaving like a freak, and he is freaking you out. Unless of course you like that kind of thing. Introduce him to your boyfriend. Hope he is big enough to intimidate.

Do not worry about being rude; do whatever you personally need to - he is being pervasively forward and not considering how this makes you feel, there is no reason to think you need to be considerate to him. If it gets extreme enough to the point where you need to verbally lash out at him, he brought that onto himself; this is his doing, not yours.

Do not give into this guy by going along with whatever dinner he's trying to obligate you into. Your problems will get even worse if he realizes he can talk you into things like that. This guy sounds really creepy and bothersome and deserves whatever attitude you need to give him to get your point across.

Call the cops if he ever intrudes into your property.

Also, this is a huge red flag of a manipulator. Don't fall for it - they try to make you feel like you can't say no so that they can get what they want from you.

If you're sure he's doing this out of being manipulative, etc, then follow everyone else's advice. If you're not sure, then maybe talk to him or leave him a note. Tell him that you have autism, if you feel comfortable doing so, and it makes you incredibly uncomfortable when he talks to you or tries to get you to go do things with him. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you want him to stop. You will have to be blunt. That's not being rude, that's just the only way you can clearly convey your feelings. He might not even know he's making you uncomfortable at this point.

Why are you asking people on the Internet what to do? If you have a boyfriend, you need to ask him to help.

Ask your boyfriend to come round. The next time this guy annoys you, your boyfriend should be there to put his arm round you...or even put his hand on your butt...to sort of establish his territory and glare at this guy in a challenging manner. You need to prove to the creepy guy that your boyfriend is real, and this other guy should back off.

Of course, he may be such a nasty man that he may not even care that you already have a boyfriend. In that case, I don't know what to recommend, other than yelling at him to leave you alone, and not being polite to him at all.

Great Advice^^^

Another option if he invites you to hang would to bring your boyfriend along.

No offence but that is potentially very bad advice.

You've gone over the top and flown off the handle and the truth is you don't have a clue what this guy's real intentions are. You've made way too many assumptions of intent, on top of what were only assumptions in the first place.

Aspies are anti social but nts aren't and what he's doing could be entirely in keeping with a neighbours actions. What if sunflowers reaction is the odd one?

Sunshower could be dealing with the nicest person ever and she could be completely wrong with what she thinks he wants. It's been stated that he has a gf for a start. Isn't it an aspie thing to think the world revolves around us and to think even the slightest interest is someone trying to sleep with us? More information is needed before you deal with him with. She certainly doesn't want to



or do anything else half baked like call the police. People will think she's a psycho.

If she can, just ignore and he will go away, or the best advice I've seen to deal directly with the problem is what Geekonychus posted.



Please don't go over the top as deuterium advices, it's fine to be rude on the internet and start world war 3 because someone spoke to you, but rl needs a little more tact, for sunflowers own sake at least. She has to live there don't forget.

Last edited by Caleban on 14 Feb 2014, 11:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

This is the Internet, we cannot be there to verify what the reality of what she says. I will give advice based on how someone describes the situation to me, it is their responsibility to monitor if what they are describing is accurate or not. Based on what she has said, which is all I have to work with, I stand by my points.

Aspies get too into the moment, bear that in mind the next time you give advice. We tend to get too passionate about what we're saying, then you look at what you said a week later and u think omg.

Best thing you can do is stay as detached as possible.

Many of us can also be extremely easily pressured and manipulated, hence why I feel elevated caution in this circumstance is necessary.

Call the cops.

[quote="Caleban"]
Aspies are anti social but nts aren't and what he's doing could be entirely in keeping with a neighbours actions. What if sunflowers reaction is the odd one?
/quote]

Sorry, but that is so, so wrong. NTs can absolutely be antisocial. Also, people can be dangerous. Walking on her balcony and knocking on her door late at night are both really inappropriate things for this guy to do. She's got every reason to be uncomfortable.

You wouldn't have this issue here, because more likely than not, there are plenty of people with guns that would set him straight.

Have you told him you're not interested in him? That could be a good start..