Who are the Self Proclaimed Nice Guys here?

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Remember when bullying in schools got so bad, that kids started taking matters into their own hands by going on shooting rampages? when peoples own loved ones come under threat it makes others listen and try and do something about it, where before many ignored the problems until they became rampant then exploded.

It is true that no one is entitled to a relationship, but its an instinctual drive thats not easily ignored, it leaves a persons life feeling hollow or not whole if gone unfulfilled, in a way its a basic human need.

More and more men are starting to complain, its becoming almost epidemic. some may even get resentful if not even violent. women complain about abusive men yet ignoring this common drive or instinctual need will make them become more aggressive. life is not fair, but there must be some kind of balance between the sex's or I am fearful eventually all hell is going to break loose.

Men and women are made different and have different needs, there is no such thing as equality between the sex's, when you complement one without balancing the other then your going to have discord.

Ignoring it by saying no one is entitled, or its not your problem but theirs, could well backfire in societies face.

Last edited by AspergianMutantt on 06 Mar 2014, 4:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

What do you suggest? That women who're convicted of a crime can choose to shack up with a single man instead of going to jail or paying a fine? Hmmmm….?

No one is entitled to a relationship, of any kind, never mind a sexual relationship with another person.

I understand that it can be lonely and painful but that doesn't change the fact that most of us here live in societies where people are not forced into relationships against their will.

I never said you were wrong, all I am saying is eventually there are going to be negative social consequences.

DUDE! WTF
Do you realize you just implied that rampage shootings were kinda justified?
everything you have said is just SO SO WRONG and scary.
Where does this idea come from that leads you to assume all males are entitled to a relationship. You sound like a 4 year old throwing a tantrum cause you didn't get what you wanted but instead of pouting and kicking your feet you are collecting guns brrrrrrr

I never said that, never said anything was entitled, nor implying anything is justifying anything. I am just stating ignoring the problems only makes them worse. and I never said I had any answers.

Ah, ok.

It does seem to me that misogyny is on the rise, and is rarely challenged. Don't know what the answer is. I have a son, an only child, and I speak to him about the importance of respecting self and others, and of understanding personal boundaries and consent.

Just sayin

I never said I was good at expressing my thoughts, I was just trying to make a point.
Ignoring issues would only make things worse. I never said I had any answers.

But it's not so common that they should have such a special label like Nice Guy. So call them something else. Maybe not psychopaths, but anything other than "nice guys". That way, we can keep the label for those who actually fit it and, thereby, have them be helped accordingly. They're too nice, so the solution (simplistically speaking) is to have them minimize it to a certain extent and have other attributes going for them.

Concerning Brian, all this is linked to niceness. He shows signs of being too nice with the girls he goes out with. Which comes off as desperate as he is trying his hardest to show the girl nothing but his nice side, which ends up hurting him in the process because he doesn't show them the real Brian (who may ironically be more attractive than the nice facade). People often want something more than just being nice in their partners.



Then call them misogynists, not Nice Guys. No point in the switch of labels.

AspergianMutantt: I find what you said terrifying, and not because I think it'll happen.

I find it terrifying because that sort of reasoning can be used to justify doing awful things to women--after all, it's "justifiable" to relieve pressure on people denying you something you need. I have no idea why you would think that there's a relationship between the desire to have companionship and the need to go on a violent rampage.

I mean, ffs, my family HATES me--they've stolen from me, injured me, encouraged me to commit suicide, beat me, caused absolute chaos and destruction in my life. I will never, ever be able to get them to love me, to support me or to do anything but try to wreck my life. Functionally speaking, I have no family. No one to talk to, no one to love me, no place to go for the holidays, no one to call when something good or bad happens, no one to help me if things go pear-shaped. The only help of that kind I get is through friends and people I'm dating. No one in my family celebrates my birthday (and when they did, it was usually by doing things like making me wear a toilet lid all day because I was trash and everyone who saw me running errands should know it.) My father actually can't remember when I was born (he called because he decided I should execute his will, without asking me.) There is no part of my life which their neglect, cruelty and viciousness has not touched. I've spent years crying myself to sleep at night, feeling utterly worthless because the people who were "supposed" to love me (ie my family) wanted me to kill myself.

This does not mean I am justified in being violent toward them. Even though they wrecked my childhood and made my early adulthood awful in ways which defy description, I am still not justified in causing them harm.

I don't know you, but that comment is both terrifying and causes me to want to avoid you IRL.

To the thread: The discussion seems to be focused on the criminal behavior--I'd like to point out that on that list of manipulative behavior, there are a lot of non-criminal things, which "nice guys/women" engage in. Before everyone decides they can't possibly fit those criteria, there's a LOT of things on there which don't involve breaking the law, but are super sh***y to do--for instance, using emotional blackmail (eg "if you loved me, you'd _______________"). It's not illegal, but it does make you a bad person.

To MCalavera: Like I said earlier, we call them "nice guys" because that's how they defend themselves and get away with that behavior. The name fits, and is a reminder of the way being seen as nice manipulates the expectations of others.

I wasn't trying to justify anything. I was just saying that eventually there will be problems, and no one is going to want to deal with them till they explode. I my self do not feel that way, but there are people in the world I am sure that do, and I am afraid it will turn into a growing problem.

I am a pacifist, to me there is no justification for violence. but that does not mean others wont commit to it them selves and it become a growing problem. Ignoring issues don't make them go away, sometimes it makes them worse.

To use your own reasoning, ignoring the problem that some of your beliefs are disturbing and lead to a pattern of thinking which is dangerous is better not avoided.
I am not having a go at you but do think it would be beneficial for you to reexamine some of your ideas.
MouthyB makes some VERY good points. Please think about it.

btw I did not think you were violent or going to rampage n stuff I was just disturbed by your reasoning and felt I had to respond and I did not do it in a very articulate or helpful way whereas MouthyB has. Please hear what she is saying, it is VERY important.

Your going off like just because I thought of them that must mean that how I feel my self, thats ridiculous. I just take note of the growing crime rates of date rape and rape and other kinds of abuse toward women, and much I think is because of resentful males having those rejection issues. and as such as a growing problem ignoring how those things are affecting their lives is like fanning the fires.

I my self have never been violent in my life nor do I care to be. but you must admit there are a lot of despondent males out there who wont care about what is justified or not, all they know is their angry.

Do you not see that associating rape and abuse with males feelings of rejection is insinuating that it is the woman's fault for rejecting sexual advances.
This is where your thinking is disturbing and highly offensive
I wasn't going off at you, I was politely challenging your assumptions.

I was not insinuating that its womans fault at all, and if it sounded that way thats not how I meant it. no one is entitled to anything.
But that does not detract from the facts of how much abuse and violence there are toward women.
And how much more there will likely be if the issues are never addressed.