Wtf am I doing

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Omg I often wonder what is wrong with me. A few weeks ago I met a guy on a website called tinder. We connected and I found out he has aspergers syndrome. I have to admit that I was drawn aback by this when I heard it. Still, I decided to give him a chance and we just had our fifth date. We got along and even had sex but I am still not convinced that I want a relationship with him. There are no shared interests, just a mutual understanding. I am interested in getting to know him, I have to admit that I am incredibly interested in his syndrome and his history. He had skincancer a few years ago and he suffered from depression for which he was even hospitalized at some point. Although I am incredibly interested in his stories and his personality I don't have any butterflies. I am always excited to go see him, but when I am with him there is somthing missing and I can't explain what.
When I walk into his room, the tv is usually on and his attention doesn't directly shift to me. It's like he doesn't truly care for how my day has been or how I am feeling. I mean he askes for it, but because of a lack of non-verbal communication (I presume) it doesn't come off as sincere. Often times he is also seems a bit occupied with other stuff. There is something missing, but I can't yet describe what it is.
For some reason, I still long to see him. I don't know if this is because I long intimate social contact and like the confidence boost that this whole thing gives me. I also long to date other guys. I feel like, if I date other guys I can make a better comparison and find out what I like in a guy/relationship and whether I am being too critical in general or that I can find someone that I can fall deeply in love with.

I just feel like: what the f**k am I doing!?!?

Just had to write all my confusion off of me.

Relationships can be confusing. It is also entirely possible to like/love someone and realize that the two of you are not compatible relationship-wise. Give it some time. Get to know him better and also take some time to figure out what you need to be happy in a relationship.

From what you say, it sounds like you appreciate him as a friend but not as a romantic partner. I don't think this relationship dynamic will get any "better," really. Usually relationships either feel right from the start or they don't. I do think you should share these feelings with him - there's a high chance he feels the same way. Perhaps there is hope that you guys can remain friends even if you stop dating each other.

If it's mutual, and you remain friends, who knows what will happen in the future. You'll still be in each other's lives, after all. But why waste each other's time if you could be dating other people? There isn't anything wrong with you - so be true to yourself and keep trying. Don't settle for something that doesn't feel right. You'll know it when you do find someone you can fall in love with.

So how are your plans on trying to make someone jealous?

Stalk, they are not going very well...

So we went out to have sushi from 19.00 to 22.00 o clock. It was ok. I did get annoyed by him at certain times. Especially when he talked very loud at the restaurant. One time one of the waitresses even asked him of he could tone it down a little bit.
It all made me feel slightly uncomfortable. Still, I would like to get to know him further. So when the restaurant almost closed (10 o clock in the evening) I asked him if he wanted to come to my place. He said he had to 'check' something for a few people at his students association and then he would maybe come by after. SO HERE I AM IN MY ROOM, WAITING. I have to admit I would be f*****g disappointed if he didn't show up. I would think he doesn't like me that much.

Then again, maybe I am too clingy.

I often wonder if I could ever meet a guy where the attraction and connection are so big that I could be around them all day and start to think their shortcomings are in fact 'cute'. Someone I would want to make love to all the time.

I've just giving up hope that this kind of person exists.

Okay. Tonight was a turning point for me. Right now I just know it´s not gonna work out between me and this boy.
When we are cuddling I enjoy his touch, but there is no spark. Also he smokes which kinda makes his breath smell bad. These are things that I can´t change.
I also can´t handle his stubbornness en rigidity, and his incredible sensitivity at the same time.
There is just something that prevents me from falling in love. And what annoys me most about myself is that I keep wanting to see him. In fact I wish he could come over tonight again. I guess I just crave the attention that he gives me. It's pathetic. And then when he's there I'll be thinking: 'i'm really not enjoying it that much... I don't really feel a connection". How weird.

Sorry that I am writing such much but I have to write it off of me.

Wanting attention is normal but you probably shouldn't lead him on.