A WP guide to getting women, by women.

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I've noticed quite a lot of wrongness and misogyny on here lately, I'm going to give the benefit of the doubt given this is an ASD forum that the men posting it are genuinely naive and have fallen for PUA rubbish rather than actually being the massive sexists usually propogating those views. So I'd like a thread on how to actually treat women well, any other WP females please add.

The big Don'ts:
1. There is no friendzone. Some women will never be attracted to you. If had not been friends first, they would still never have been attracted to you. That's why they were friends instead.
2. Women like to think chivalry* isn't dead. It's nice when a man does stuff like buys her a drink. This is a bit circumstance-dependent, but often this is not taken as a sexual intention, some men just like buying drinks for women they know.
3. PUAs are a source of much mocking. I have on rare occasions heard some actual words of wisdom from them. Far more often what I've heard is daft and at worst various types of assault. If it sounds too odd to be true, it is. If it sounds like common sense, it actually might be, but maybe check with a female friend first.
4. Being nice doesn't put many women off. The few it really does put off are probably too much trouble. The reason some nice guys can't get girls is because that's their ONLY positive feature - being attractive means being more interesting than just an absence of obvious negative personality traits. Is a blank sheet of high-quality canvas a beautiful artwork people will want to buy? No. Also some men who think they're nice actually aren't.
5. Contradicting these will usually make you about as unattractive as you can get to any intelligent female. You will just look like a massive sexist who think he's entitled to shag any woman he chooses and she's a bad person if she doesn't want to.

Some Dos:
6. Just treat women as people. We're the same species, variation between individuals exceeds a gender difference. If you're an aspie, you're probably too far off average male for that average difference to be any use either.
7. BE YOURSELF. I know it's a cliche, but the usual cliche is because it increases confidence. I think it's important for a completely different reason - advertising your true self will attract people who are genuinely compatible with you. Doing things you enjoy will bring you into contact with like-minded people who like them too. False advertising (if it works at all) will probably get you an utterly miserable relationship with someone not suitable for you and put off people who would have liked your quirks. They probably do exist, and you'll never find her by hiding them.
8. A PUA technique I actually agree with but not for their reasons is to bring a female friend if going out somewhere to meet people. Not to make potential partners jealous (I expect the number attracted by jealousy would be exceeded by the number put off by looking taken), but because men often behave in a more female-friendly way around other women. If you try to switch straight from making laddish jokes with a group of male friends to trying to impress a girl, it's likely to go wrong, especially if you have difficulties socially or with switching your mode of thinking/concentration. Being on female-friendly best behaviour from several hours in advance makes mistakes far less likely.

*Yes I know the original medieval chivalry was about killing infidels but words evolve and I don't know a better one

Now that you revealed the secret about the almighty Sisterhood, you might as well show us the secret handshake before they kill you ...

They'll have to find me first

I can't see a way to edit my post - I missed the actual "don't" on point 2 - don't assume that acceptance of such drinks/favours followed by not wanting to sleep with you means she was trying to deceive or use you. It also doesn't mean you don't have any chance at all, continuing to be nice to her (but not harassing) might mean attraction does develop eventually, but bear in mind it might not. Complaining about how she used you when she didn't will DEFINITELY blow your chances.

I wish I could participate but the sheer misogyny on this site makes me loathe to offer anything up. The one thing that could really make a difference though is understanding that women are people, rather than walking genitalia on the earth for the express purpose of being a place for semen to land.

This is my attempt ad educating some of the misogyny out.

Some more!

There is no female conspiracy. If there is, I wasn't invited. Being nice to women isn't some secret we don't want you to know, it's something we DO want you to know, because why on earth would we want you to make our lives more difficult than necessary?


"Negging" the most famous PUA technique I've heard of it. It sometimes works, for given values of works, because people are defensive and if you start with an insult they will want to counter it until they get a compliment. Trying this could go one of several ways:
1. This is a well-known trick and they'll know what you're trying to do and tell you to get lost.
2. They might not know the trick, but while partly wanting to be defensive and get you to retract the insult, they'll know that trying to get a**holes to be nice to you isn't worth the effort and tell you to get lost.
3. They will actually get so defensive they won't stop until they get you to retract the insult. They hate you, but don't want you to hate them. This not wanting you to hate them might be mistaken for flirting/interest, but it isn't. You'll be able to hold her attention for the rest of the evening but she won't be leaving with you or interested in meeting up later.
4. Similar to 3, but they are too naive with insufficient self-awareness to realise what's going on and that actually they hate you. They want that compliment. They might even sleep with you in order to try and get it. Congratulations, you are now in an abusive relationship with a vulnerable woman. When she realises and ditches you, and tells all her friends, you're not getting any positive female attention for a very long time.


A golden rule which has probably been mentioned on here a few times is don't harass people! If she tells you to back off, back off. If you're not sure, ask her if she wants you to back off. If she says no it's fine, when actually she does want you to sod off, at least that's her fault rather than yours now, but you don't have that moral high ground until you've checked. Touching without clear permission or reciprocation is ALWAYS bad.

So far, you have not addressed the issues of personal hygiene, appropriate clothing, and who pays for what when.

"Being yourself" is not working in many circumstances. Yes, when acting like you feel more comfortable you can find like-minded people around but there is no guarantee there would be any of opposite sex - many mindsets, hobbies and interests have vast majority of M or F. I felt about it for myself.

Please tell me it's not the one where you scratch the recipient's palm!

It won't guarantee finding a partner with the same interests, but it does more or less guarantee not ending up in relationship with someone who tries to ban them. It also vastly increases the chances of finding someone who may not like exactly the same thing but is of a compatible mindset - for example a keen maths enthusiast may not find many female maths enthusiasts, but being a keen academic may attract a female academic who's into marine biology and may not be very interested in the maths but has respect for it. This would be a far better match than a woman who's only interested in gymnastics and wants you to drop "that stupid geek stuff" with no understanding or respect for how important it is to you.

Personal hygeine seems to be obvious even to WP members. I haven't seen anyone post things like "I shower every other week, why won't women come anywhere near me, or men for that matter?".

Appropriate clothing - this is part of "be yourself". Wear what you would like a woman to be attracted to, and you'll attract women interested in that. Tastes differ. I met my first boyfriend in my androgynous phase (he's straight) wearing very tatty gender neutral stage hand clothes. I have no reason to believe the rules for men trying to get women and women trying to get men differ here.

Who pays for what when - varies too much!

You may have a point about misogyny ... didn't notice it or see it that way before. I guess it would've sounded friendlier if the name of the topic was "A WP guide to getting acquinted (or connected) with women, by women".
I know a lot of men (Asperger or not) have to trouble with that, so a guide isn't misogynic at all.

You might be surprised at how many NT men seem to sincerely believe that being sweaty, dirty, and looking like they've slept in the woods makes them irresistible to women!

In the eyes of women, good hygiene in a man is an expectation and an amenity. In the eyes of men, good hygiene in a woman is an absolute requirement.

The vast majority of women really don't care that much how a man dresses unless he's slovenly to the extreme.

Those have been over-said by a lot of guys here too already.

Hell, I thought I was Alexander the Great all this time.

Not necessary. My good friend, nerd of medicine and ambulance doctor, atheist, is married to girl without college education who just as you said interested in gymnastics, yoga, occultism and all similar stuff. And they are both happy in marriage for many years.
At the same time female academics in this example may yawn when they even hear a few words about serious math.
Of course what I'm telling is mainly based on my own impressions and experience - just because I know them exactly and learned a lot. As huge fan of military history and author of historical articles for many years I failed to find a single girl which is at leas interested in listening about these topics (I don't even say learning it herself, no). Even when I gave free public lectures.

Well, did you defeat some Darius recently?