Letting go of romantic love. Giving up or being realistic?

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Often I feel like i'm trying to force myself to behave in a way that isn't natural to me.

Generally I don't have close friendships. I've noticed my room mate has visitors pop in and she's often on the phone. My friendships don't work like that. I occasionally see people that I like. Maybe once a month, truthfully maybe once every three or four months, I will text a friend and go round for a coffee.

So if i'm interested in a guy I feel like i'm expected to make more of an effort and it's totally not something I do normally.

A part of me feels like i'm not made for relationships. I've been on my own so long that it's unusual and awkward for me to try and include someone in my life. The closest male relationship is with my friend's husband and it's a more like brother/sister kind of thing. It doesn't matter how we treat each other and we can go months without seeing each other and just start talking away like there was no break when we meet up again. But then we don't expect anything of each other. It's just easy.

But when it matters, when i've got to try and make some sort of a connection or try and take an interest in someone i'm crushing on with the idea of dating. I just can't work out what i'm meant to do.

A part of me feels like i'm denying myself something good because I don't really try and find someone to have a loving relationship with, but maybe i'm better off by myself.

I had a friend I was very much in love with. That was an easy relationship till I screwed it up and told him how I felt, I didn't realise he was seeing someone. It would have helped if he'd told me. Lol. It will never be comfortable again, but he is ridiculously romantic and was determined that there's someone out there for me. He shared love songs with me and told me not to give up, which I guess is a compliment to his partner, she makes him happy and he wants me to have that, but I think that kind of thing isn't something I can manage to have or make work.

He would feel sad for me, hell, there's times I feel sad for me. But I caught myself saying the other day I have no plans to settle down. There's no point anymore Making plans for something that probably won't happen.

I'm not happy letting go of the idea of love, but what can I do. It's like trying to fly, but i'm terrified of heights. I should really keep my feet on the ground. I don't want to, but I don't know how to fly.

If it helps, I know what it feels like too, thinking that there are damn few people who are willing to go where I'm going, as emotionally unavailable as I'm likely to be for someone. I still keep an open mind to the idea that someone may come by that makes me feel like trying, and keeping on trying. Meanwhile, I won't hold up my life or anyone else's waiting for that person.

I've no advice for you really, it's your life. The most I can do, the most I suspect anyone can do, is tell how one's own life went, not how you should go about yours.

Alone by choice--works best for me. No regrets. I'd make a terrible wife and mother, and never wanted either position. Can't have kids now anyway--over 50, and complete hysterectomy (cancer--caught in time). Lived with relatives most of my life--awful--we all drove each other crazy. On my own a few years now--better, far less stressful. Never want to live with others again! Call me the Happy Hermit!

It sounds like you need to make more of an effort and try to engage yourself in situations where you might find a partner or love. You definitely shouldn't give up as you have got to keep the faith and I'm sure there is someone out there who will find you very attractive and appreciate your traits as a person.

Please don't "let go" of the idea of love.

Yeah....yeah...yeah...it's the Endorphins and all that!

But I FEEL love....I don't care about its origins!

You seem like a sweet woman. I feel you will find a nice man some day.

Well here's a depressing thing. I wrote the op 4 years ago. And still haven't met anyone. I'm still in the same place. Not literally, I've moved twice and changed jobs since then.

I've had a breakdown and cried to the ridiculously romantic friend about 2 guys who I thought I had a chance with and didn't. He thinks I shouldnt give up, but...

It never works out for me.

I've given up. Most girl's potential romantic interest in me lasts somewhere between 10 seconds and 10 days.

Can I just point out, I wrote the op 4 years ago. I dunno how this resurfaced. I can't even remember who I liked when I wrote this.

I have social anxiety. I do want to do things for and spend time with the current guy, but I panic. I can't plow through the anxiety. I just feel like he doesn't like me back so all I would be doing is making a fool of myself.

I'm getting unwanted attention from another guy in the village. It's a small village so I keep running into him. I'm polite, but try and get away as quickly as I can from the conversation. I don't want to do that to the guy I like. I don't want to be that kind of nuisance to the man I'm interested in.

In a really stereotypical way, given the condition, I misread people's intentions. I'm not sure I can distinguish friendliness from romantic interest.

Don't you just wish you could stick probes into another person's brain and read exactly what's on their mind?

Eh, I thought you already declared that one unsalvageable. You're back agonizing over it? I guess both of us are kind of in the same boat regarding that...

If I had to know how much interest someone has in me, I'd probably be setting up "digital traps", which would allow me to gather information on a given person's activities in regards to myself. It's thoroughly creepy, I know. I suppose I was born with a creepy brain?

No, I wish they would just tell me what they're thinkin or what they want.

Given up, but not over yet. I think some people you never really get over.

I was making the point that even when you want to be there for someone and do things for them you can still feel like you don't know what you're meant to be doing or if you're doing it right. It's not about lack of caring.