Why don't people give real dating advice?

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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
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14 Sep 2016, 3:04 pm

If you are looking for short terms with girls, this what I notice in many lesbian dating profiles:

They usually....put very sexy photos, like sexually suggestive poses: a lot of cleavage, bikini photos, and even underwear lol.

Honestly, and I don't know why, but the boldest and most daring poses in profiles I've ever seen were often from lesbian women and bi women looking for women, in a way that most straight women never do. Maybe because girls feel safer to be openly pervert with other girls than girls with guys.

loneroamer
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14 Sep 2016, 5:53 pm

I don't know if you are looking for Aspie girls or NT girls (straight or gay) but as an Aspie female I get very intimidated by flirting - as I take it literally- I tend to be frightened by sexually forward flirters and run a mile. This has cost me a lot of opportunities over the years (whether they are really missed opportunities is another discussion) but I can't help it. If it is an Aspie girl you are after - just have a conversation don't go on the flirting offensive it will backfire, and of course we appreciate your honesty.
'I like you and would like to get to know you'
will go a lot further with an Aspie than
'Hey bae get your ass over here so I can know you'

I see the problem with dating for us Aspies is that flirting is full of non verbal cues and stuff we are not good at and most women are sick of crappy pick up lines anyway, work to your strengths of honesty as there isn't much of that in the dating world. It's hard, I am single again, almost ready to give up but my Dad just got a new girlfriend and if he can do it then I can!

Sas

Sweetleaf
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14 Sep 2016, 7:04 pm

You could make an online dating profile and describe what kind of person you're looking for.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Sep 2016, 12:40 am

loneroamer wrote:

I have a feeling that your post is heterocentric - the OP is a bisexual girl seeking for girls (at least in this thread).
So no, nothing of the above applies in her case.
The dynamics are not the same.

As I said in the previous post, I see a LOT of lesbians on dating sites putting overly daring pics that no straight girl does; so I have the impression they are way more likely not to mind flirts (from other women of course) and often more sexually forward (with other women of course).

It is crystal clear that lesb/bi women do not fear flirts from other bi/lesb women in the same way women fear them from men; and I don't think there's a need for her to be so cautious in her flirts in the same way how a straight man should be cautious when he talks to women.

/ Non-politically correct post.

Outrider
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15 Sep 2016, 1:40 am

This forum in general is a bad idea for lesbian or bi women to seek dating advice.

Gay people are rare, gay aspies are rare, and the few that are here also have Aspergers and probably dont understand dating or social cues.

All benefits of me being bisexual are lost.

I see some gay people argue dating someone of the same sex can be easier because they would understand you better.

Well, I don't relate or get along with males or females. Males slightly more, but not much.

It sucks.

Hopper
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15 Sep 2016, 4:25 am

Outrider wrote:

Reminds me that, for quite a while, I had the notion that I was transsexual floating around at the back of my brain. I didn't relate to men, plain didn't understand them, so in a simplistic binary logic way, I thought it must be because I ought to be a woman.

I didn't particularly want to be a woman, but it was my attempt at trying to understand why I didn't 'get' men. When I started reading about AS, I came to see I didn't 'get' people, it was just that, being a man, my not understanding them was more apparent to me, but that I didn't understand women either.

I get along with women better than men (that's not saying much, mind!). Mostly I think that's from having grown up in a female-heavy family, and I don't think it runs both ways (that is, that I am any easier to get on with than most men).

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racheypie666
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15 Sep 2016, 10:45 am

Hopper wrote:

Outrider wrote:

I see some gay people argue dating someone of the same sex can be easier because they would understand you better.

Well, I don't relate or get along with males or females. Males slightly more, but not much.

It sucks.

I think it is easier to get on with the opposite gender because you expect a certain difference between yourself and them, whereas if you feel different from people of your own gender, you start to think there's something wrong with you.
I get along fine with women at work (although they do often infantilise me or say I look scared

), but I prefer to work with guys, I just feel my perspective is more aligned with theirs. I think it's a combination of growing up with a brother and not seeing the point of many female social behaviours. With guys you can just get on with stuff, be functional rather than emotional. Banter and flirting are obvious exceptions, but for the most part I find male conversation less challenging because I can be more authentic.

TomS
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15 Sep 2016, 10:45 am

Outrider wrote:

I think they are actually quite common on this forum. It's just a guess, but I think 30-40% (or higher) of the women are gay or bi, or have been at some point.

kraftiekortie
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15 Sep 2016, 2:28 pm

I would, definitely, agree that gayness on WP is more common than the world average of approximately 10%

BTDT
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15 Sep 2016, 2:36 pm

They may be more common, but hardly any of them here have the social skills and experience needed to offer useful advice.

Spiderpig
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15 Sep 2016, 3:33 pm

What would anyone stand to gain by giving real dating advice? Anyone able to give such advice is most likely successful, and they’re probably better off letting winners win and losers lose.

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morugin
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17 Sep 2016, 4:01 pm

People like those that are similar to them.
People like those that have high social value.
Good job, good social skills, good looks.
People want to get the best they can.
All people start off with unrealistic expectations of how good of a partner they can get.
Some people mature and adjust their target to someone who has similar social value as they do.
Others never mature and continue to aim over their heads.

AngryAngryAngry
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17 Sep 2016, 10:33 pm

blackdragon blog has been invaluable to me.

Outrider
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17 Sep 2016, 11:40 pm

Actually, yes I agree Mr. Tom and Mr. Kraftiekortie.

Actually, it used to annoy me slightly.

Aspie girls in the 16-25 range I rarely see, and most of them would state being Lesbian or completely Asexual.

There goes any chances of me meeting anyone from here, not like I would have anyway.

Sabreclaw
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18 Sep 2016, 12:02 am

Outrider wrote:

This forum is much better suited as a ranting platform than a place to actually meet people - especially prospective partners. You'd have better luck finding a partner by pulling up your floorboards and looking there than searching here.

Synth.osx
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18 Sep 2016, 12:56 am

Sabreclaw wrote:

Outrider wrote:

It is possible to meet someone from the forum, I met my current girlfriend here and I am in my twenties.

I am sure that the right girl will come along you if you are actively making an effort find someone. Relationships can start anywhere, it is a myth that relationships must be started in a closed social circle.

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