Girl I recently had sex with is not returning my texts

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Blackmail? How so? I would want there to be some form of interaction. It sounds as though I don't know what a relationship entails. All I've been prioritizing about is keeping someone around since that's been quite a problem for me for a very long time.

You want a relationship so you saw what you wanted to a little bit by interpreting her signs of interest in a casual relationship as being signs of interest in a serious relationship. With limited experience of either kind of relationship, you interpret the sex as being the ultimate indicator that she is serous. You get your hopes up and they are smashed.

So I can understand if you feel bad, but you also have a lot to feel good about. You got some relationship experience which is not a bad thing, and she is doing you a favor now, because you only want a relationship with someone who is serious, the best thing for her to do is not pretend that she is.

Your only mistake was messaging her about sex.

Emotional blackmail. As in she wants you to do something you don't want to do, or something that's not in your best interests. So she decides to withhold sex in order to punish you.

Women don't hold the same interest in physical intimacy the way men do. You still have the mentality of women existing to serve your physical needs. Women don't need men the same way. Women know when they have men by the balls. They will take your private parts and keep them in a pickle jar under the kitchen sink and let you borrow them when it suits THEM to do so.

I spoke with a former superior once about my immediate supervisors who had been long gone by that point. He observed that a lot of the problem with these young guys was that their wives had effectively neutered them, which in turn negatively impacted their job performance. You cannot allow women to do that to you any more than women can allow you to dominate them. You set yourself up for a lifetime of misery that way. The colloquial term for men like that is "whipped." Don't be that guy.

Oh, and asserting yourself and your self-identity is NOT cruelty to women. In other words, it doesn't mean you have to shout her down or be ugly to her. It just means you stick to your guns. "Look, I always go bowling with the guys on Tuesdays. We've discussed this. I'll be back before 10." Or, "I always go fishing on Saturday mornings. You are welcome to come with if you want to spend time with me." Or, "This business trip is superimportant and I'll lose my job if I'm late. I love you. I'll call from the hotel when I arrive. I'll see you Monday when I get back." A lot of guys get in serious trouble or miss pivotal opportunities because chasing that tail and fearing the wrath of their SO is too much for them to make their own decisions.

Never let her use sex as a weapon. When it comes to disagreements and there's no discussion to be had, kindly and gently remind her of her place in the relationship (your lover, friend, and mate, not your overlord). If she can't handle that, she's not right for you.

Yes that was my mistake. I do have a lot to feel good about but honestly I've been feeling bad about having a hard time connecting with other girls. It's hard coming up and talking to them and the only way that I meet a girl is at a party/concert, we dance with one another and we make out and that's it. That probably isn't "relationship-like" and is not a good way to say "I'm looking for a relationship" so I gotta change some things.

me too
but this kind of unapologetic honesty is also why i like ND people. most people likely do this. hell, a lot of people i'm sure masturbate to others who haven't even shown a sliver of a mutual interest. there isn't anything bad about that imo, unless it becomes pathological.

if i could make a suggestion though, i think you're taking the role of sex in forming a relationship a little bit to rigidly. if you have a good connection with the woman it won't matter whether you had sex with her on date 2 or date 15. and if you waited with this woman she either would have stopped communicating with you after she realized you were trying to take it slow and form a relationship she wasn't interested in, or she would have stuck it out until the sex did happen and done the same thing.

i agree fully with what specialsauce posted...the only thing you did which you shouldn't have done is texted her about the sex. but hey, it wouldn't have changed the outcome anyways, plus now you know not to do that in the future.

as far as the actual sex goes, it's hard to say what went on that made it "bad". i'm curious, was she aware you were a virgin?

I told her upfront that I was a virgin right before jumping the sack with her and I didn't know how she responded.

Seaweed: or it could be she a defloration fetish. Not something I see in girls much, but anything is possible.

Admittedly I have a taste for virgins, and I've come to believe prowling for virgins doesn't really do anyone any favors.

Well what do you consider a date? In this instance you say you met this girl at a party where she acted all into you, then you guys met up again and sat in a hot-tub and then had sex and now she's not interested. Essentially you guys had a one night stand not really a date...a date is when you hang out and talk and get to know each other, usually in a public setting rather than at your place or their place or a party.

Also I would not advise that second bit, the whole point is get to know them before getting sexual...so its a deeper connection if you're already masturbating to the thought of them on the first date, then you may hyperfocus more on sex with them than getting to know them and determining if you want an actually committed relationship with them.

I always thought a date was when 2 people went out together and talked. Me and that girl did that for a bit. I think based on all these responses and yours, I think it's best not to meet women at parties, nightclubs, or lounges and just stick to the music and the music only when I'm at those place. People are always telling me "it will come when I least expect it" so I will work and make sure that that is always the case when I meet a girl. Most places it's hard to meet girls these days as they seem to be in a rush or give me 1 worded responses.

So "it will happen when it happens" and I have no control of it except for the music.

What do you mean music? Like a musician's meetup?

I go to an artist's meet up once a month, I wish they held it every week, seems pretty hard to actually make friends there off the basis of 2 hours a month. But it's better than no social life at all.