Why the hangup about no spouse/SO?

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Bring it on.



That’s what rationalizations are for: denying reality.



If someone makes me feel bad about myself, it’s because I have something to feel bad about in the first place. I’d rather fix it.

Point well taken GF. You are gay too? Sorry I didnt realise this.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! !! !! ! I laughed so hard at this, I think I hurt something. I'm sending you the medical bill.

I know what my symptoms were.
I know what I did & do.
I know what my symptoms are.
I know how big of difference it's made in my entire life, health, functioning, work, social life, and bank account.

It doesn't matter to me one bit that you don't believe me or that you're anti-treatment of any kind. I do this for myself, not you, and I reap the benefits of it.

No it's not always you that is the problem. It can just be a clash of personalities. And some people you deal with are actually the problem, not you. Some people are not understanding. They're not bad, but they just don't take the time to bother to understand and constantly trying to win them round is just exhausting and sometimes you've got to step back and take care of yourself.

I let someone get to me so much that it put my stress levels through the roof and I was crying all the time. Whereas I actually get on ok with other people. He was the problem, not me and it's been meeting new people who I get along with that has made me to realise that he and I can't work. He's just too difficult to deal with.

Even my non-so-committed relationship made me happier, don't let people fool you with moralistic cliché lectures that we all got so bored to hear over and over again.

Companionship is a big need/thing in a human's life, it's not a small thing such drinking beer.

True, but one can have companionship with friends and family w/o a romantic relationship partner. I have more close friends and family than I need, and a LOT of people who consider me a closer friend to them than I do them to me. I get my companionship needs from the select few in my life that I truly love & value and it's more than enough, really. Sure, it's different than having a life partner, but it's still very, VERY good. Hmmm maybe I'll try to make a point of seeing some of them tomorrow.

Well, with all modesty, I think I am one of the very very few people who’s in relationship yet completely understands the lonely singles’ perils; since I was one for so long and probably i may end one for so long again - (no problems in my relationship, but it is not destined to last forever; long story). Hence why I don’t lecture BS to singles here.

People who always been in relationships since they were teens, are and will never be in same wavelength or even slightly relate to forveralones - never - a fish who never leaves the pool doesn’t know what being dry means. So I really wish if they even conider that before posting something.

If that was directed at me I've been very transparent about the fact that I've never ever officially been in a relationship. Only some dates that never resulted in a relationship. Other than that it's been casual sex. I get all the love I need from others in my life instead as I acknowledge I'm not exactly cut out for a relationship so there's no sense in beating my head against the wall worrying about not having one.

If you couldn't get dates or casual sex, do you think your perspective would differ?

Probably, but I can't say for certain as that's not the life I lead nor perspective I have. I only have my life experiences to judge my life from.

I know I'd still have the friends and family in my life that I love, so maybe I'd be a bit more disgruntled about my private life, but I'd still have love in my life.

I don't think any of us can really say what we'd think or how we'd feel leading someone else' life. All we can do is guess ans peculate. Would my perspective differ if my life was different? Of course it would, that's a given.

If you could get dates or casual sex almost whenever you wanted, do you think you'd care less about not having a relationship? If so, you can understand why I don't put that much mental energy into thinking about being single forever.

I guess that's the point I'm trying to make. Whilst having the love of friends and family is definitely a positive, it doesn't make you feel valued romantically or sexually like a relationship might. On the other hand, if you could get casual sex and dates whenever you wanted, that would go at least some way to fulfilling you romantically and sexually, even if you'd prefer a relationship. I'd have to conclude that somebody who has to go through life without any romantic and sexual encounters would almost definitely have a harder time than someone who didn't, whether or not relationships are involved.

Unless they're asexual aromantic, yep, sure, I'd conclude the same. I'm sure that void would be a bigger distraction from leading a fulfilled life in other areas than it is for myself. But no matter who you are and what your situation is, you've simply got to make the most of it.

True, true, but people with Autism tend to struggle in finding fulfilment in other areas of interpersonal relationships as well.

I think it's quite natural for lonely young men to typically gravitate toward the idea that a romantic relationship is the only or ultimate solution to that.

My whole life my family outside of the one's I live with don't care about us.

No matter how hard my mother tries to build and maintain relationships with the rest of the family, they just don't care about us.

That's okay. I'm glad to have my parents and siblings.

But I've noticed most people my age I've met, they spend time with their uncles and aunts and grandparents, they're good friends with their cousins close to their age.

I never had such a thing even as a kid, and even when we lived a 5 minute drive away we always had to make the initiative and visit.

This, on top of the fact I had no friends at one point aside from my childhood best friend who lived far away, made me extremely socially isolated and depressed.

Now I have some good friends and feel far more fulfilled, but still feel empty at times.

My parents are obviously busy busy people, and siblings all much younger.

So, to repeat the point of my post - young, lonely men naturally gravitate to the idea a romantic relationship is the solution to all of their loneliness.

Now, I don't believe this notion, at least not anymore.

That's the pattern I have noticed - young men with no close friends almost automatically have an extremely powerful desire for romance over friendship, when friendship with other men might be what they should be seeking instead.

It's an automatic thing, not a conscious thing for lonely men with few family or friends to forget about the other two and only want a lover.

Either way, I can't find the fulfilment other members of family should provide, because I'm not close with the majority of my relatives. Not by choice. It takes two to tango.

^ Do you think it's because they don’t agree with your parents’ marriage? I recall you said you’re
mixed.

I think a relationship fulfills a different need than a friendship or family relationship. I have a few close friendships and other friendships but to be honest I don't do much reaching out and initiating things with all but one or two. I could probably socialise more than I do if I took initiative but at this point anyway, I honestly don't really want to. If others take the initiative I'll often oblige but I rarely ask others to hang out of my own accord. I guess my desire to socialise at a platonic level has largely diminished for the time being.

On the other hand, if I were to be propositioned with a relationship with romantic connotations, I'd be a lot more interested and I WOULD initiate things with that person. I guess the short of it is that the social void I'm experiencing in my life is more romantic in nature, and can't really be filled by friendships alone. Maybe my lacking desire to pursue friendships is related to being jaded about my lack of success romantically. It probably is linked.

In any case, your theory that lonely men would be better off seeking male friends instead of a relationship to fulfil their needs doesn't stand true for me. As a matter of fact I think I'd be more inclined to seek out the company of male friends if I WAS in a relationship, though that may not make much sense to anyone other than me.