Why am I attracted to highly intellectual aspies?

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I have a little theory. You're probably highly intellectual yourself. You like having someone who's an equal on that score. HF Aspies can be intense in the early days of relationships when you're their special interest. Then...things naturally fade and instead of settling into a comfortable space you become low priority. Sometimes very low priority.

I'm a little bit geeky myself. I had low self-esteem and I intimidated a lot of guys. Now that I'm older, guys who seemed well out of my reach before now can see and are comfortable with my talents and skills. They like me. Some types of women guys need to grow into.

Try older men, if that's within your tastes.

For myself, I probably over-prioritised intellect and didn't look enough for sociability. I'm unhappily married to an Aspie academic, but I feel hopeful for my future. With someone else....

What was it that first drew you to them? Similarities? Differences? Were there other, smaller relationships? If so, how did they bear out?

As someone upthread asked, what was your father (or relevant stand-in) like? How did your mother (or relevant stand-in) relate to him? Were there - are there - particular relationships, real or fictional, that you idolised?

You describe them as intellectual, rather than intelligent. With that in mind, and that you didn't feel they loved you, what occurs to me is the idea of them as aloof, distant, emotionally cold even. Some people like a challenge in romance - in this case, do you perhaps want to 'thaw' them, to be the one who starts an uncharacteristic passion in them?

What could/should they have done to make you feel loved?

I married my feller 13 years ago, I was definately attracted to his mind before anything else. I just got lucky when everything else turned out to be superb too . Good luck for the future, you've definately got good taste .

Maybe its the desire to pass on intelligent genes.

Without knowing anything about your intellectual abilities, it can be hard to say. Personally, I love Aspies and I won't even give a second look at an NT most of the time (unless I want to be led on for no reason...) but I tend to go after the cave-man type myself, someone who's IQ is half or less than half what mine is. I spend a great deal of time baby-talking myself and stimming with my teddy bear (see avatar) so I like to have someone around who understands my essential self, not my big, useless brain, lol.

Maybe there is something in you that is complimented by smart, Aspie dudes. We all need that one thing that does us good. I love Aspie men for their company and conversation, but I also can't date someone who is too much like myself. It just goes back to finding someone who compliments you!

Howdy! Actually, one of the main reasons I hang around Aspies is they are extremely smart. Love that! True, there are times when I have to have a dictionary for a certain word that is said and other times when the discussion gets way out of my realm of understanding and my eyes glaze over and I have to shut down, but I just find myself bored talking about NT stuff like movie stars and the like. Btw, what is sapiosexual?

I wanted to add that I love talking to my Aspie guy friends, but I also don't feel a "closeness" with them (a subject brought up in other posts here). I don't know what it would be like if I actually met them in person, however, since I only talk to them through email and texting.

You're attracted to an IDEALIZATION, usually based on CLICHÉS, of those people. Simple answer.

Because we're attractive.

A balance of intelligence and wisdom.

There are some truly amazing, unique people out there to get to know.

Because the OP is Alla(h).

So of course a god would be into geniuses.

Do you think that this might be evolutionary? During prehistoric times women were attracted to strong men because their strength offered protection. Their ability to accurately throw a spear during a hunt offered a reasonable assurance of consistent meals along with the material benefit afforded by fur, sinew, and bone.

Today we have people like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg (BOO!) who have amassed huge fortunes because of their intellect and creativity. Intellect rather than strength is the barometer for success in the 21st century ... unless of course we push the Iranians or the North Koreans too far and the world as we know it ends in nuclear fire ... [/i]



... in which case surviving women will be back to accessing potential mates from their strength[i] coupled perhaps with minimum genetic drifts from having been exposed to radiation.



I am such a fun person! Why is it that I don't have a wide circle of friends? Oh ... never mind ... I'm a reclusive introvert. (Heh-heh)