Women in their 30’s stop liking “bad boys”?

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Yes. I know now this is true. I very strongly and passionately agree with you, on these points.

Alas, this knowledge came to me too late to prevent what ought to have been the best and brightest years of my life from becoming a toxic cesspool of bitterness and hate.

Even worse (could anything be worse?), while I was busy splashing around in that cesspool of bitter self-hatred, girls who might have considered me were walking swiftly by on the other side of the street. So my wilful and systematic unhappiness succeeded magnificently, in propagating and breeding more unhappiness. What a clever little lad I was, ha ha!

This has been my experience. Even though I've been involved for more of my adult life than I haven't been, it didn't really do much to help me deal with depression. When you're depressed severely enough, it can become toxic - I say this as someone who's often (and currently) depressed to the point of being toxic. Depression and anxiety tend to poison relationships and make them far more difficult to sustain and to keep healthy. As cliché as it sounds there is some wisdom to the idea of needing to fix yourself first. Not to the point of perfection, but sorta like how you need to make your car pass a safety test before you can drive it on the roads. This doesn't just go for romantic relationships - when one is highly dysfunctional it undermines friendships as well as 'more than' friendships.

All relationships are transactional, whether it be based on economics, status, looks or personality.

There are many women who don’t trust “charm.”

That could be why many women seem attracted to men who lack "charm" -- many women have been hurt by "charming" men, and don't want to repeat the same mistake.

Maybe that's the origin of the expression "Nice Guys™ Finish Last".

I don't trust charming men, it's prove yourself with deeds not words for anyone for me.

A charming man on welfare vs. a grumpy guy on a construction crew. No contest.

Some women WOULD pick the charming man on welfare. That's a fact.

Some would pick the grumpy construction-crew guy. That's a fact.

I would say the ratio is about half and half----or maybe leaning slightly towards the "charming man on welfare."

Nice Guy Trademarks are usually not all that "charming." Feeling sorry for yourself doesn't evoke charm in a person.

Just read "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn." One of the characters was an irresponsible drunk who couldn't keep a job----but his wife and daughter certainly loved him.

If you've read the book, then you'll remember that Kate and John met, fell in love, and conceived their first child before John became an alcoholic. You should also remember that back in the early 1900s (the setting of the book), divorce was practically unheard of, and people would rather live with the "secret" of alcoholism (or infidelity, or physical abuse, or incest, et cetera) than openly endure the shame of divorce.

That is why Kate and John stayed together.

That's true.

But there was still affection between Kate and the guy, a hard-nosed affection---but an affection.

And Francie, the daughter who went on to great accomplishments, downright worshipped the guy.

The book took place circa 1910-1915 mostly.

Please let me emphasize that I'm not advocating that men go on welfare and be charming. But there are women who really love to take care of men, oftentimes to the detriment of both the woman and the man.

Yes ... I encountered that a lot on the Crisis Hot-Line. Women would call, pour out their hearts about how they had sacrificed everything to support a man who never took responsibility for himself, and then admit that they should have known better.

The saddest part was when they would say that they didn't want to take a referral to a professional counselor (or divorce lawyer), and that they had called to just vent their anger and express their frustration.

It's why I quit the Crisis Center after only a few months -- the endless train of people who did not want solutions (i.e, referrals), but were were willing instead to live in misery as long as they had someone who would listen to their complaints.

I’ve actually seen a lesbian (Lily Cade) say in an interview that men focus more on saying the “right things” while women go by their “aura” more. Speed dating felt like I had a test that I had to pass for each person and I kept “flunking”.

"Speed Dating" is for the birds...…

And definitely not for us Spectrumites.

That's what's wrong with modern online dating and job hunting in general: I am not the kind of person you can get to know in less than 5 minutes and because of that, I was always passed over in favor of the smooth talker.

I hated the 5 minute time limit as well.

“Smooth talkers” are considered “gay” by rednecks. Rednecks prefer hollering “Woooooo hooooo!” or shouting “Shut up, b***h!” instead.

I interacted with a nerdy/geeky woman in Austin who was probably in her mid 30’s and while she did tell me her Instagram (something I don’t use) page, she didn’t give me her cellphone number. No, I didn’t ask but you think she would’ve.