Tinder Dating App

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No, I talked to the other guy with voice chat on WhatsApp. With this new guy, he asked if I WhatsApp, he’s working, he can be very busy with his work. I didn’t tell him yet that I’m disabled, have Psoriasis & Aspergers. I hate telling men what I have.

If you are getting on well with someone, I'd establish the relationship further before getting into too much detail about any disabilities. I'd focus on finding out if your personalities are compatible, first.
Just my opinion.

You're decent looking, but your pictures are crap. Selfies in the mirror don't sell; you need a picture of yourself doing something interesting, such as hiking, mountain biking, doing martial arts, travelling, etc.

Ehh...yeah I started to get the hang of it over time I guess. In the end I changed my profile picture to something that a friend took, which was me standing outside. That was the main profile pic...and how I ended up meeting my wife. I never had anything quite as "interesting" as the things you mentioned, but I had one of myself playing with my friend's dog or something as well. I went through different phases, trying different things over time. Part of this is luck, trial and error etc., though. Most people don't meet their life partner on a dating site, at least not for a while. You have to stick with it and keep at it. In the end I wasn't looking for superficial relationships anyway so I saved myself some problems by screening out those kinds of people who aren't serious.

del

Last edited by idntonkw on 13 Sep 2020, 1:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

I think that comment is a little harsh! eyelessshiver, I think the pictures are nice. We don't all have to make fake smiles and pretend to be engaged in some sort of fake hobby. I would not say you look unfriendly or dangerous. Good luck eyelessshiver!

You’re a relatively good-looking guy.

I’ll never have your panache

Thank you, I appreciate that. However I think it's important to note that now I am *married*...so I apologize if it was misleading to show those pictures as if I'm still trying to meet people. And yeah, I agree it was a harsh comment...and probably not to be taken that seriously. Even if the fact is that these other kinds of pictures tend to get more hits, it's rude to say "your pictures are crap". You can say something more tactful instead like "well you seem like a nice guy and good looking etc but I've heard selfies aren't as likely to get responses, it's probably best if you have some other kinds of pics too". Also, hearing a man say I'm "decent-looking" doesn't matter at all to me, and "decent looking" could very well be an understatement coming from a straight guy...I say "decent looking" about a girl who I am not particularly attracted to, but seems alright...which would make sense, because a straight man might see a guy objectively as decent looking but feel no attraction. Straight men are not good judges of other men's attractiveness. You can tell to a point, but a straight man is unlikely to say "oh wow, you're really good looking" (unless he is secure in himself or being reassuring), and he may also downplay "ugliness" because he thinks all men are ugly in the sexual sense...if a man is really handsome, he just won't be able to see it/feel it, and he's likely to not be secure making those kinds of comments as a straight man.

FWIW I don't have any real doubts about my attractiveness. I don't mean to sound arrogant, I'm just saying that from my life experience., my self-esteem has been fairly well nurtured by others...I'm 33 now and have not had any problems attracting women in the past, once I was past my awkward stage and into my late teens. My first two girlfriends were really good looking and they were LTRs; my current wife is very cute as well. I've been given compliments on my looks from enough people to not worry about that. I wouldn't say I'm vain, but I don't have insecurities about my handsomeness, that's just based on my life experiences and what I've been told. Sometimes I've been in poor physical shape and felt self-conscious, but that wasn't the case during these photos or now, really (plus I'm now married anyway and even when I gained a few pounds she treated me the same way). I have however had insecurities about "my ability to attract people" or "make it work with people" for unknown reasons. It's like I feel I'm attractive, nice guy, smart, etc., and then it doesn't work out or I can't connect. My confidence in that regard was especially low after I was dumped last time around.

That's actually what my post was about...it was to share that you can actually be pretty good looking, and have decent pics, and still not connect with the people you're wanting to on dating sites, and run into serious relationship problems in LTRs too. It's hard to make the connection, for all kinds of people. No my pics may not have been top of the line, but I had others at different times as well. The online dating site can be grim for people. But I also wanted to explore the idea that some people just aren't as good at charming others through online dating, despite being good potential sexual or relationship partners. My brother, who is very similar looking to me, had no problems at all on Tinder. He said "works great" and hooked up with a few women right off the bat, like no effort. But keep in mind, people's standards are different...and he might've been just a little more open to "sleeping around" with people knowing that he wouldn't have to commit...whereas I honestly tend to fall in love with people who I get close to and have been consistently LTR...so may be unconsciously keeping up a barrier with people. I think it goes back to feeling self-conscious around others partly due to body issues when I was younger that I never fully got over, even as I moved on, and being afraid of being hurt emotionally by getting rejected. I get very comfortable and intimate with people but it takes time. So when my last LTR ended afer 5 years, I was heartbroken and in a slump for years until recently. My friend and I even talked about just hiring some "escorts" because we couldn't seem to get any casual dating from women. After years without sex you start to just get very horny lol and that's normal.

This is my wife btw (met her on Zoosk)...we got married in December...baby on the way. Btw I'm not looking for feedback on my wife lol, obviously I love her and she's beautiful to me, and hearing it from others is only telling me what I already know...and hearing any different isn't something I agree with because of how I feel personally...we all tend to like different things and I accept that as well.

Your wife is really pretty and I LOVE her dress.

I understand what you are saying above. It's sometimes hard to attract people no matter how nice looking a person is. I think that some of us have a different chemistry than other people no matter how we look in the mirror or in photos. Do you play piano? I noticed there was a piano in the back of your picture.

Thank you! She is really a lovely person and very humble as well.

I agree, it's just hard to connect with people sometimes. I don't even have *that* high of standards of attraction overall, I remember being attracted to some women during various times and I'd have people comment they weren't that good looking in their eyes...so it's all relative and subjective, right? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm a little picky but I think in general people are sometimes into different things.

Yes, that was actually my first piano once I became an adult, before then it was keyboards and pianos I had living at home with parents...that first one will always hold a special place in my heart. I got it for $200 from a family off of craigslist, it was 100+ years old, and always kind of busted but it worked for a while until I was able to get a nicer one.

I just play for fun and mostly improvise, it became mainly a hobby when I decided to leave music school and pursue English instead, but I still kind of want to do something more with it (than just play in my living room). But I love it and will always play!

Here is a video me playing on my current piano, that I made a few months ago (original composition/improv). I need to make a new one soon. I usually try to make a new video every few months so that I can keep up with it and reflect on the kind of music I'm playing etc. and share with others what I've been working on. Thanks for asking.

I tried Tinder earlier this year pre-pandemic. I met a really great guy but unfortunately it didn’t last very long (I wish it had, but I just found him boring. I went on 4 dates with him so I think I gave it a chance). I also used it for potential hookups but I’ve since deleted it. It's not the best but it isn't the worst either.

All I remember about Tinder is the horrifying stories like this one below.

https://www.facebook.com/UKJailNews/vid ... 663717466/

I don't understand.
What has that got to do with anything?

Damn!
Scary stuff.

I think I need your advice about my post here: viewtopic.php?t=390579#p8612366

If this was true it would have been in front page news, not in some FB post.