ideal partner for people with autism spectrum disorder

Page 1 of 1 [ 9 posts ] 

madbutnotmad
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 20 Nov 2016
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,678
Location: Jersey UK

11 Oct 2020, 6:14 pm

I was wondering, considering the complex problems that us aspie's have in life.
I wonder if there is such a thing as an ideal type of person that would be ideal for people with autism spectrum disorder.

I understand that sure, there is a large range of what people are into when it comes to ASD, although i think that some essential traits are required by the person who is to be the ideal partner for an aspie, as we are perhaps more difficult to deal with than many.

For example, i know that i would need someone who is very patient, who is very forgiving / understanding and not too demanding. Would also need to be really trustworthy and not tire of being asked questions when my head is messed up.

what ideal traits / qualities do you think would be good for a potential partner to have?....



Jakki
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Sep 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,861
Location: Outter Quadrant

11 Oct 2020, 6:20 pm

Found being a bit intuitive might be a handy additions to the things you outlined . Honesty would be a nice addition.
It might be pretty individual thing , concerning people .


_________________
Diagnosed hfa
Loves velcro,
Quote:
where ever you go ,there you are


Homer_Bob
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jan 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,562
Location: New England

12 Oct 2020, 3:27 pm

Believe it or not, I think finding an extroverted women is the best thing for us. They are easier to open up to, they are better communicators and overall opposites attract. One year and nine different women until I found the right one. Going for another introvert is the worst thing you can do, trust me on this. Overall of course, as long as the women is an actual adult who wants an actual relationship.


_________________
"The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. The best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes."


Mountain Goat
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 May 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,980
Location: .

12 Oct 2020, 3:32 pm

Homer_Bob wrote:
Believe it or not, I think finding an extroverted women is the best thing for us. They are easier to open up to, they are better communicators and overall opposites attract. One year and nine different women until I found the right one. Going for another introvert is the worst thing you can do, trust me on this. Overall of course, as long as the women is an actual adult who wants an actual relationship.


That is an interesting concept. My Mum and Dad were different, yet it worked. Their strengths covered each others weaknesses!



madbutnotmad
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 20 Nov 2016
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,678
Location: Jersey UK

12 Oct 2020, 6:43 pm

Jakki wrote:
Found being a bit intuitive might be a handy additions to the things you outlined . Honesty would be a nice addition.
It might be pretty individual thing , concerning people .


I would say that honesty is very common among people with Autism Spectrum Disorder
less so with neural typical (although depending on the individual).

Intuitiveness in an individual with ASD is often a rare commodity, sadly.
It is very common for the ASD sufferer to use their intellect to work out what is going on, in a similar way
that a police detective analyses cues and questions people.

This isn't always the way partners want to be treated like, although perhaps the right partner for someone who has poor intuition is someone who has a great deal of intuition and who has a good understanding of ASD so that they may be more forgiving and understanding.

Such patience, understanding, intuitiveness and compassion are rare qualities i would say, in the modern day world.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,109
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

12 Oct 2020, 11:08 pm

Jakki wrote:
It might be pretty individual thing , concerning people .
There's a saying that if you've met one Aspie, then you've met one Aspie. Different Aspies are different in various ways & thus would have different personalities, quirks, strengths, & weaknesses which would affect what they want & need in a partner. I'm kinda the opposite of the stereotypical Aspie in some key ways & thus I looked for different things in a partner than what most Aspies would want. Unlike Homer_Bob I much preferred a partner who is also introverted. An extroverted one would want me to go out & do things with her or she would at least want to go out & do things while I stayed home. All my life I had been very much a homebody & I do not really desire to try changing that. Despite being a homebody I want to spend a lot of time with my romantic partner being affectionate so a homebody who is also affectionate & kinda needy, clingy, & dependent could possibly be a good match for me. I have that with my current girlfriend & we do have problems with each other sometimes but we both relate to each other better than anyone else relates to us & we are both loyal to a fault & take our romantic relationships very seriously so we are very committed to trying to make our relationship work.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


starkid
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,812
Location: California Bay Area

12 Oct 2020, 11:56 pm

There must be very few such traits because people on the spectrum have different personalities, abilities, and desires. And people will seem more or less weird, more or less disabled, more or less desirable, depending on the society in which the courtship and relationship might take place.

To be honest, I wouldn't like to speculate about one thing that is ideal for all. I saw in another WP thread some of the traits people wanted in a romantic partner and found them mildly repulsive, definitely not stuff I'd want. So I'm even less comfortable speaking for other people.



Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

13 Oct 2020, 12:09 am

starkid wrote:
There must be very few such traits because people on the spectrum have different personalities, abilities, and desires. And people will seem more or less weird, more or less disabled, more or less desirable, depending on the society in which the courtship and relationship might take place.

To be honest, I wouldn't like to speculate about one thing that is ideal for all. I saw in another WP thread some of the traits people wanted in a romantic partner and found them mildly repulsive, definitely not stuff I'd want. So I'm even less comfortable speaking for other people.


Enlightened aspies would understand the importance of directness and personal space/alone-time.
Aspies tend to be inherently honest.
Aspies tend to be very loyal.
Moreso than the average allistic bear.

Good enough for me. 8)



Clueless2017
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 28 Sep 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 638
Location: California

13 Oct 2020, 1:06 am

I am new at this site...I am neuro-typical, proudly married to an undiagnosed Aspie...On our third romantic date--a picnic at a zoo, i noticed something was off because of his argumentative nature (oppositional defiance)...My past experience working with autistic children and adolescents in a school setting helped me to put together the pieces of the puzzle...And after 1 year and 8 months of courtship plus 1 year and 9 months married, I can almost ascertain that my husband is autistic, most likely an Aspie...As hard as this experience has been for both of us, but especially me, (due to the miscommunication issues that cause us such heartache since our brains are wired so differently), I know, without a doubt, that i am very blessed to have him as my husband...Before me, he had two serious l-o-n-g-term relationships and other not-so-serious relationships...Why did he married me?...I am considered "pretty", but i want to believe he married me because of my qualities, which sum-up to one: ALTRUISTIC...Coincidentally i am ENFJ (extraverts considered to make decisions based on feelings, like love and compassion, and are intuitive)...You will meet one like me every 100...Interestingly, my husband is INFJ, the rarest of the personality types--one in every 200 hundred...So yes, he is introverted, but we are not necessarily opposites--only physically...I am a light skin petite brunette; my husband is a very handsome tall black man with an athletic built...Everywhere we go, people, especially women, stare at us, possibly wondering what he saw in me--who probably appear insignificant by his side...In any case, my husband surely saw my heart and married me for it...Here it is, my humble contribution to this topic...Hope i shed some light...I wish I could share a photo of us with you all...But my husband--though the most sociable of introverts-- is very private...Good night everyone... :heart: :heart: :heart: