Treading Carefully

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Hello all. I'm the OP in this thread, and I said I'd come back and give an update. I did reach out to the ND guy I had formerly dated, to invite him for dinner and to reconnect. That was two months ago.

(And for those who don't want to read the original post: I'm NT; he and I had tried to date for about 2 years, with lots of frustration and friction and irritation on both sides, not to mention several short-lived breakups. We parted ways last year and didn't really connect for 10 months, but he kept reaching out in tiny ways on holidays/birthdays etc.)

I'm very pleased to report that in the past two months we have managed to resume our connection, but as friends.
We see each other once or twice every week for dinner, good intellectual conversation, boardgames and trivia, etc. We text regularly, and it's always some interesting tidbit.

At least from my point of view, this newly-crafted friendship lacks the heaviness of our (failed) attempt at a romantic relationship; the break seems to have hit the "reset" button on our mutual frustration with each other. I asked him what he thinks about our having reconnected, and he said he was "enjoying it", and noted that we "mesh very well", which is quite true.

So hopefully we can continue. If not, then that's okay too.

Thanks to everyone for your advice.

Your welcome and Thank you for the follow up ... congrats on friendship

A happy ending. I'm all for platonic relationships.

Hello, I'm the OP in this first post from July. I wanted to pop back one more time, since I was invited to do so by at lest some of those who posted.

To recap: On the advice of some of you here, I (female, NT) reached out to an ND Ex, in the hope that we could strike up a friendship and leave behind the frustrations that ran rampant during the square peg/round hole disaster of our 2-year-long failed attempts at a romantic relationship.

I'm pleased to advise that the friendship is still going strong.

We meet about once a week for dinner. We chat and text regularly -- FAR more regularly, than we did when trying to date. (I think that whole aspect of communication was completely frustrating to us both). Nobody has expectations, nobody feels like they are letting the other down.

And I just learned that he bought me "a little something" for Christmas. I expected absolutely nothing, because I've read/heard that some people on the ND spectrum have a very hard time with special occasions, gift-buying, gift-giving, and articulating affection or emotions. Plus, this specific Ex never got me anything for any of the occasions during the two years we dated (e.g. Valentine's, Christmas, my birthday). It never bothered me, and to be honest there was often friction between us at the time. Plus he said that gift-choosing for him was very hard.

So for all these reasons, I did not expect a gift this season. I take it as a good sign that: 1) he was thinking of me; 2) he took the effort to choose a gift and shop, especially during COVID; and 3) he must feel comfortable in our connection.

That's the update, and I'm very happy with how the friendship is coming together. He's a sharp, charming guy... and I'm glad we can remain a part of each other's lives.

Thanks again to those on the Forum.

^^^YaAyYY!

Well, so much for that.

Although it had blossomed from a "dating" story to a friendship (and no longer really belongs in this sub-forum), it seems that some hidden tripwire in my Ex has been set off, and he's gone completely silent.

It followed a really great, friendly platonic afternoon (one of many we've had in the past 6 months) where we chatted, had food, played trivia, and he left my place all-smiles. Then, the next morning he called ostensibly to "thank me", but his phone demeanor was very curt and I hung up knowing that something was very, very off with him. After a few days of the silent treatment he called again to say that while he had left my place thinking what a great time we had, by the next morning he had reconsidered and realized it "wasn't as fun as he thought". He had a bunch of complaints that came completely out of the blue, many relating to past conversations or events, and most of which really did not make sense (to me at least).

It's been over a week, he hasn't reached out since, and I won't pursue getting in touch because I gather he wants space. I suspect the friendship is over in his mind.

Too bad. Things were going really well.

pray for him.

Thank you, everyone.

It's incredibly sad, because I know that he was unusually comfortable with me (he said so, many many times) and I was able to navigate our communication differences very well.

It's a real loss for us both, I think.

maybe it's temporary? I know I sometimes "disappear" from my family for no real reason.

although OP did not ask me in particular, i can offer one bit of insight regarding the silences. low-ranking men tend to, when their masculinity is even remotely challenged, go silent. it can be something as simple as noticing what another man did.

Auntiblabby .... I'm happy to have any and all input! Thank you!

I'm really just trying to understand, with no bitterness or condemnation. I'd love to know what sort of issues/events might have triggered him.