The Need for Romantic Intimacy

Post Reply New Topic

^I hear you loud and clear.

You CANNOT rely on another person for your happiness. I never did.

The logical conclusion of what you're saying is that people can and should be happy entirely unconditionally. Doesn't matter if you're poor, starving and living on the street. Doesn't matter if you're being beaten within an inch of your life on a daily basis. Doesn't matter if you suffer a debilitating injury, or if all your loved ones start dropping dead like flies, you should be satisfied with your lot in life regardless, because happiness comes from within, right?

If you truly believe that, then why ever do anything to contribute to the well-being of people around you? If they're suffering, it must be because they haven't found happiness from inside themselves. Circumstances don't matter. Nothing matters, other than an individual finding happiness within themselves.

In my opinion, and I certainly could be wrong, describing the worst set of conditions you possibly can to create the worst set of conditions you possibly can to compare it with not having a girlfriend, does not a logical equivalent make.
But ultimately, yes. I live by myself in the Seattle area on less than $1000/month disability. I ended up here through the section 8 program from the street after leaving a domestic violence situation for which I found there was no support because I'm male. I have had six heart attacks, a progressive and deadly muscular auto-immune disorder that routinely (re: daily) rips muscle from bone. I have two living relatives: a father who will not accept that his son has autism and a daughter who hasn't spoken to me in ten years and thirteen days. In addition to ASD level two, I have dissociative identity disorder (previously known as multiple personality disorder), complex PTSD, combat PTSD, and a panic disorder.

And, I am happy.



Why do for others? Because it adds to my happiness. Humility isn't thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less. To that end, and I'm serious about this, my PM box is open to you if you want to talk. I didn't say what I said to anger or upset you, I said it because I truly do want to see you find happiness in life and I believe that you won't find it where you are looking.

You can feel or guess whatever you want about the future, it doesn't mean that's what's going to happen.



At 25 you're not long passed anything. I can see the gloom perhaps if you were in your 40s, but at 25 you're just in a bad space.

There could be numerous reasons why you are having a problem, but I can't help you cause I don't know what they are. Instead you seem to be going down the despair route, which never got me anywhere.

You can PM me if you want. Don't do something you will regret later.

I feel like The Grand Inquisitor is a sensible guy, ultimately. I don't feel he's the sort that would do something "stupid."

He did something I could never do-----lose about 100 something pounds in about 6 months.

I just added that as a disclaimer, no offense
If you lost 100 lbs in 6 months, well dating is a lot easier than that.

many men must pay for it [one way or another], that is not uncommon.

Unclear, pay for it how? With a salary, presents, a house, and stability? Even without those, you can still get "it", its just more difficult. I sure wouldn't trust a gold digger anyway.

Difficult circumstances definitely make things harder emotionally and psychologically as well, no denying that.

But, there are people in the worst situations possible who can still find something to be grateful for. It doesnt fix everything, but it can give some reason to keep going.

If you haven't yet, you might benefit from looking into some oppressed people's biographies. A couple that come to mind for me are Trevor Noah and Anne Frank, they both have taken positive views in some of the worst cirsumstances.

Sometimes advice such as "some people have it worse", gets people's hackles up and make them feel like you're minimising their personal experience, however, I really like the advice to read other people's personal stories.

Doing that you may find that there are people out there with feelings like yours, different circumstances, but similar feelings. You're not alone.

I would add Micheal J Fox's biography to the list.

Good stuff.

I start every morning plopping down in front of my computer and opening the Word document that is my ongoing gratitude list that goes back a few months shy of thirty years. Even when homeless I added to it daily. When things start getting dark, I give the scroll bar a toss and wherever it stops, I start reading. Twenty minutes later, after reminiscing through the memories of gratitude for things from a couple of decades ago, I feel better. Every time.



I wanted to suggest Nelson Mandela, too.

Honestly, if Bill Gates or Elon Musk were never famous, they'd probably suck with women too. Elon Musk is a diagnosed autistic and it's rumored that Bill Gates had it too, and I doubt either of them were ladies men.

I feel like for the vast majority of guys who suck with women, it usually comes down to poor social skills and not being good looking enough to make up for their poor social skills.

Because let's be realistic; if you're like an 8 out of 10, and in some cases a 7. You don't need great social skills to attract someone because your looks do the attracting for you. If you're an 8, all you need is to not completely screw yourself over, and you'll do alright.

On the other hand, if you're average or below average BUT you're funny, charming, outgoing, extroverted, etc... You can do alright as well. You may not be Don Juan and sleep with a ton of girls but you'll probably find a girlfriend here and there.



It's the guy who are unattractive PLUS bad personality/social skills who have a hard time dating. We're not attractive enough to rely on looks alone, and our social skills are not high enough to attract women through our personality.

Steve Jobs is suspect too. Alot of those guys in Silicon alley are/were undiagnosed high acheiver aspies. I really believe that. It's amazing what a couple mill in your bank account can do for your sex appeal, even if you ARE a dork.

what will happen when sex robots become economically democratized?