Not liking guys with Autism?

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Frustrated, absolutely. Disappointed, certainly.

Depressed? As in “Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I will never have a girlfriend, and it is all their fault”? Rarely, if ever. Simple depression (as opposed to clinical or bipolar depression) is a counter-productive choice people make when they feel sorry for themselves. Why not instead seek self-improvement and try again?

But people who only wants to cry and moan, “Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I cannot get a girlfriend, and it is all their fault” are choosing to dwell only on their misery and seek non-constructive affirmation from others -- a Pity-Party.

Fnord, I'm frequently on the same page as you.

There's so much to unpack here. As a female who has had many partners over the years and hung out with many NT women (and men), this is my observation:
I'd say women are definitely more forgiving when it comes to appearances.
I've known a handful of shallow cheerleader-types who would only date hot guys, but for most women I've known, it comes down to personality and maturity.

A lot of women love a guy who can make them genuinely laugh. Most comedians are traditionally unattractive. Yet, they have no problem finding partners. Laughing releases endorphins.

Then there's maturity. It's a HUGE turn-off to hear men cry about how they can't get a girlfriend --- it's also equally cringe-worthy to listen to a guy cry about his ex all day long. It's like when a little kid cries about something that didn't go their way.
Kids do that. Not adults. It's super annoying.

And finally: Finances.
I'd say a very small fraction of the population thinks critically. They want the big house and the fast car because society has said this is what makes a person "successful." It's a way to silently imply, "I'm better than you." I've endured a lot of women who like bragging about the things they have. That's just how it is.
Also, since women are traditionally the caretakers, they want financial security to ensure their offspring are taken care of. So yeah, money can matter. It's usually less of an issue than the other things, but it can still be a big issue. If a woman was raised in a wealthy family, she's likely to want a wealthy husband.

And before anyone goes off and starts an argument about the player/deadbeat dad, and how they have 100 babies with 100 baby-mommas even though they're broke.... It's simply charisma. Not a lot of people are born with it, but those who do can manipulate their way through pretty much any situation.
They become cult leaders, government leaders, and even CEOs. So yes, if a person with charisma can fool 1,000 people into drinking poisoned Kool-aid, they can definitely get a few girls in the sack.

When I first moved together with my partner, she told me after some time that I was "too serious".

A few years later I've loosened up and I'm not afraid to do or say something goofy for some laughs from her and my daughter. I feel a lot of male aspies take themselves (and the world around them) too seriously. I know because I was like that.


Which is why a lot of men with ASD would probably be better off bettering themselves (including working hard) and improving their financial situation. That in itself will make you more attractive to women considering long-term relationships, as you have hard proof that you can support a future family. You don't need a six-figure salary, just a solid way to carry yourself long-term.

I used to believe that too. I used to believe that women didn't care much about looks and focused more on personality and character. But from my experience, many women (not all) are just as shallow as men are. Of course, my age may have something to do with it as I am primarily talking about women under the age of 30 and ESPECIALLY under the age of 25.

Women can be just as picky about physical appearance compared to men. For instance, many of the women in my college are exclusively in relationships with 5 ft 10+ white men who are clearly above average looking. Coincidence? I think not. Also, if looks don't matter to girls, then why is it that guys who look like male models can go on Tinder and literally say anything they want and still get girls to go out with them quite easily while average guys oftentimes struggle? Does the male model simply have a better personality and girls can tell just by looking at his profile?


My sister is known for being a very blunt person. My mom once tried to set her up with a guy and you know what she said? "Ewwww gross, he's not that attractive." The man was fairly average looking, perhaps a little overweight, but really not that bad. She even admitted to not being attracted to black or indian men and all of her past boyfriends have been 6 ft tall white men.


So no, I don't believe that women are no less likely to be picky and shallow than men are. I think that many women (not all of them) are just as shallow and looks-oriented as men are, even if they don't admit to it.

I don't know if male model types can say anything they want on tinder that would work, but I see your point. When you say women can be just as shallow as men, are men the same way when it comes to looks, in that the majority of guys will only say yes to a woman, if they are generally goodlooking?

Yes, there have been several experiments of people who pretend to be male models on Tinder, and they say just about ANYTHING to a woman, including getting overly sexual in first messages, and they still get a woman's number or getting a woman who's down for sex. If average and especially below average looking guys tried the same thing, they would instantly be blocked or even worse, banned from Tinder for being reported.

Of course, you could argue that places like Tinder, the bar, the nightclub, tend to attract a certain type of people who are more looks oriented and care more about the physical appearance of their partner.

Age along with your own physical attractiveness plays a role as well in how much looks are important. Younger people (say under 30) are more looks oriented because 1. They have a lot more sex hormones and 2. Many of them aren't even thinking about marriage or settling down and/or 3. They may lack the relationship experience. Also, the more attractive you are, the pickier you tend to be when it comes to looks.


Not all women are shallow, just like not all men are shallow so you can't generalize everybody. Some people are demisexual meaning they can't find someone sexually attractive until there is a deep emotional connection. Other individuals are more open minded when it comes to finding different physical types attractive. There are some women who are simply gold diggers and don't really care what a man looks like as long as he has money while some girls actually like fat guys and think they're cute.


But I would say for the vast majority of people, they want someone who they're physically attracted to. I just dislike it when people say women don't care about looks, because believing that would be incredibly naive.

Do both men and women perhaps pay too much attention to physical looks over personality perhaps?

Only those who can see.

The key is familiarity. If you're attractive, there's a higher chance you'll hang around with other attractive people.
If you're a nerd, you're more likely to hang out with other nerds. It's the same reason why we end up marrying people who are like our parents. Also, the more options you have, the more picky you're likely to be.

https://psu.pb.unizin.org/socialpsychme ... port-noba/

This sounds like one of The_Face_of_Boo's experiments. I remember he used to do a bit on various dating sites & he says in various posts that looks are important to women. I wonder if women tend to deny that looks are important or deny that looks are as important as they really are due to fear of getting judged whereas guys tend to be a lot more willing to readily admit that looks are important. Guys tend to be a lot less modest than women & tend to fairly openly talk & joke about sex.

According to the article you cited, the keys are:

• Proximity: Allows people the opportunity to get to know one other and discover their similarities

• Familiarity: People are more attracted to that which is familiar.

• Similarity: More often than not, we like others who are like us.

• Reciprocity: We are more likely to like someone if they feel the same way toward us.

I think it's fair to say that women tend (on average) not to care about their partner's looks as much as men do. But both women and men vary widely as to how much they care about looks, and, yes, some women are extremely shallow.

On the other hand, there are a lot of people who believe themselves to be ugly when in fact their looks are average or even above average (in terms of typical tastes). Women are more likely than men to worry about their own looks to such an extreme degree.

OMG if you're going to dating sites, of course looks are key. It's a freaking picture that's used to get people to click on it. Dating sites are not like meeting people organically in the real world. Good looking people are perceived as more successful, especially online. Hello, social media anyone?

I mean if you were ordering a freaking taco on an app based on its thumbnail, would you order the realistic sloppy one that looks like it exploded on someone's plate, or would you order the perfectly posed taco where all the ingredients were strategically placed and maybe even photoshopped?

I swear people get on here just to argue...

You want a girl? Fine, go get a job as a lawyer. Buy a boat. Get a face-lift. Go to the gym.
Or here's a thought: date someone in who's the same level of attractiveness as you are, and/or in the same educational and economic position as you are.

Boom. Problem solved.

Well as for trying to pick up women in person than on dating sites, a lot of women seem more comfortable being picked up on sites compared to in person, I'm my experience.

Unless in person is better?

For me, it's always been better in person, but there are online success stories out there.

I tried online dating for a few months. As a female on a dating site, these are generally the hundreds of generic messages you get on a daily basis:
"Wassup?"
"Hey, you're beautiful."
"Hi."

Nothing meaningful. The one guy who actually read my profile and basically said: "I love geek culture, too." is the only guy I agreed to meet in person and he's still one of my friends to this day (his fetishes were a little too cringe for me to personally handle, but he's still an awesome guy and I'd totally be interested otherwise).

Me personally, I met two partners though work... although I don't recommend it because when you break up, it can be awkward in the office... and quite a few people I dated are those that I met through other friends. It usually started as a casual group-hang, and then I found someone I wanted to talk with on a more one-on-one basis.

The BIGGEST mistake I've seen men make is when they're too clingy - especially right away - or when they don't allow me to talk. In fact, I knew one date's entire family's psychiatric history by the end of our first date, and I absolutely did not agree to a second one.

Be chill. Keep it subtle in the beginning. Don't hog the conversation.

Oh ok I see. I've had two relationships from online dating so far. But there was a lot of competition online when I was on.