Is this weird or innocent?

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So my guy cousin invited me to his son's hockey game last Thursday. I took my GF with as I though his wife would be there. My GF has met him and talked to him a few times before. I suspect my GF has ASD and does some odd things from time to time that I chalk up to the ASD. I'm NT.

So we get to the rink and his wife is not there she had to take their other son to band practice. So my guy cousin, me, and my GF go sit in the stands to watch the game. In hockey rinks the stands have long benches not individual seats. So I sit in the middle with my cousin to my right and my GF to my left. My back had been bother me previously to which I told my GF before we went to the game that I may to to stand or walk around from time to time. So after the first period ends, I announce that I'm going to get up and go for a quick walk. As soon as I stood up off the bench and took 2 steps my GF slid down to where i was sitting in the middle seat right next to my cousin. Then they started talking. Ok no problem but I thought it was weird that she would need to move that close to him. I walked around for a about 2 minutes and came back. When I came back I walked in front of them so she would see me and move over to her original sitting place. I walked up and she just looked at me.. Then she finally slid over.

After watching the second period, I stood up and announced that I was going for a quick walk and stretch again. My GF did the same thing, immediately slid over into my middle seat right next to my cousin, and they talked. I have no issue with them talking but why the need to move seats right next to him in that context and setting? Now all that may be innocent, but would a normal person stay where they were and then slide over if, for example, the other person couldn't hear them? I mean in her original seat she was only a few feet away from him. Is her behavior normal and innocent is do you find it a little odd?

I would slide over. Hockey games are loud. They would be an auditory processing challenge for me.

Also, I would stay there and hope you would sit in my old seat so I could be between two people I know and not in danger of sitting too close to a stranger. But I wouldn’t tell you that, because I would be afraid it was weird.

1 more vote for this

Frankly even considering going to a game would be a mountain climb for me, im 52, been to one concert in my life (B B King, back in the early 90's). Ive missed plenty of Springsteen concerts, and i love that guy, but i do not go into crowds lightly

Yep. I'd scoot over to and for the same reasons...noise/chaos/unable to hear and to be between two people I know because the only thing worse than noise and chaos is some random person perhaps sitting next to me trying to talk to me. Just no.

If it's true she's on the spectrum, it's unlikely she would have considered that you seeing her do that would upset you.

That's normal, but I won't do it due to social anxiety.

This.



And also this.

I'm not sure I could contribute better than those two posts.

Thank you. That post was really helpful. It makes a lot of sense. Just for my own understanding, are you saying it's likely she didn't understand how sliding over next to him might be perceived by me as possibly flirting or showing an interest in my cousin? Because that is what happened. I began to wonder why she did that. For me, I would never slide over next to someone like that whether their significant other was there or not, because of the possibility that it could be perceived in the wrong way. Also, I would want to keep at a socially acceptable distance in that context. I don't like to crowd or get in intimate distance from someone unless they are my significant other. Seems like common sense to me and maybe that explains and is further evidence she is on the spectrum. And maybe since she is ASD (my diagnosis) she doesn't realized that socially acceptable distance.

Socially acceptable distances vary by person, culture, and situation, not just neurology.

It would never occur to me that that would be perceived as flirting or interest. In fact, my reaction to reading your post was disbelief “why would he see that as flirting?” If someone I was dating thought I was flirting with their married relative, I would think they were out of their mind. And possibly overly possessive and jealous. Because why would I do that?

That’s just how my brain works.

What's socially appropriate or not does not occur to me during social situations. If nobody reacts very negatively towards me at the time & nobody tells me anything after, it would take me years to realize I screwed up if I ever realize it. I still have moments reading this forum where I suddenly realize major social mistakes I made in my 20s that most preteens would know better than to make. If your girlfriend is on the spectrum, it woulda took a lot of effort for her to agree to go a sporting event with you & to try being social with your cousin. I wouldn't read anything into it except that she must care a lot about you to push herself out of her comfort zone & accompany you.