I don't understand why I can't get a woman! [! SATIRE !]

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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CuSxk_DNa ... e=youtu.be

- Insult women for a few years or decades

- Get upset if anyone says men and women are equal

- Stress equality by saying you'd shag any woman ... even if she's overweight!!

- cause physical injuries because that proves you’re a “real man.” They’re also worth a good chuckle. Win-win.

- Get a Mail Order Bride booklet, and choose one that meets your ideal size and skin tone requirements.

- Order immediately before supplies run out.

- Pay extra for fast shipping.

- Make sure someone will be home to sign at the door for delivery.

- Make sure you don't have any interest in conversations, or her point of view.

- Assume as much about her as humanly possible.

- Find a loophole with everything she says, so you can prove she's wrong.

- If she doesn't climb on your lap the first time she meets you, give up and move on.

I’m an upstanding, Christian man. As a matter of fact, I’m one of Jesus’ homies. I’ve been banned from WP for sending perverted PMs to those evil temptresses (women of WP). Their only goal is to entrap helpless, horny men. How dare they talk about their sexuality around us! b*****s and their evil vagina magic.

“Female sexuality” is probably an oxymoron since they don’t have a penis or testosterone.

- Buy lots of decorative throw pillows for your bed.

- Casually display photos in her presence.

- Women go nuts for those things.

- Host a slumber party and watch as the girls explore each other.

- Apparently this is common? ^ (I must have missed the memo)

- Ask if you can help with that exploration.

I haven't worn it for a while, but I have a 'Jesus is my homeboy' hoodie (I've been christened but am not even remotely religious), I also have a Jesus Never trust a hippy tshirt which I still wear.

If I wore shirts like that, I’d probably be chased out of town with pitchforks and hunting rifles - the usual stuff in rural America.

- If you find a girl, be careful to put your member in the right hole.

- Apparently men can mix up and use the urethra by mistake.

- She might have to show you so don't get mixed up.

- Also, try not to put it up through her cervix. That smarts!

- Carry this around with you 24/7 just in case you see someone good.

- Use in the bushes.

- make sex so unpleasant due to your abusive assholiness/extreme selfishness that your partner experiences no sexual desire or pleasure for 5 years despite regular sex (maybe not the right word). Everything's gotta be the way you like it and when you like it or else. It all goes smoother once you put 'em in their place.

- Call her up to talk about your cat's bowel movements, two or three times a day.

- Be extremely descriptive.

sadly unfortuneately, many people will say this entire thread reeks of incel vibes, which reminds me, the word "incel", is kind of a modern word, and has only become more known in the past decade or more because of certain incidents sadly.

- Put some chickens in a plastic bin and ship them across the country for her.

- Um. Really. ^

- Same with some tacos but on a different day.

- See if she'll pop the cysts on your back, if you ask nicely.

- Have diarrhea every single time you go to her house.