Reasons women do not date us!

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cyberdad
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03 Apr 2024, 11:00 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:

Just because something worked for you doesn’t mean that it would work for Jamesy. Your advice could be downright harmful to Jamesy. Thinking about his particular struggles and listening to women here might be prudent.

Working his personal development and making new friends has been the advice he has been getting for several years. It hasn't been working for him.

TwilightPrincess
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03 Apr 2024, 11:21 pm

cyberdad wrote:

TwilightPrincess wrote:

Working his personal development and making new friends has been the advice he has been getting for several years. It hasn't been working for him.

Getting advice and applying it are two very different things.

Members most often have been given the sort of advice you suggest - advice that has an obvious lack of understanding when it comes to women, if not more overt forms of sexism.

You agreed with me earlier in the thread when I stated that other methods would be more appropriate in this particular situation - I would argue in just about every situation. There are clear dangers which have already been addressed like making women uncomfortable, getting kicked out of places (yet again), and possibly worse scenarios that I won’t go into presently.

It says a lot that people don’t seem to care about making women uncomfortable. It’s all about me, me, ME!! ! If people want to have meaningful relationships with women, they need to change that outlook because relationships are NOT one-sided. Developing friendships with women could overcome the selfishness that so many members seem to struggle with. It could also help them see women as autonomous human beings with thoughts, needs, feelings, and desires that are as valid and important as anyone else’s.

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cyberdad
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03 Apr 2024, 11:32 pm

Yes I did agree with you, but additionally motivating yourself to change requires getting out of your comfort zone It means taking some risk (within reason).

IsabellaLinton
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03 Apr 2024, 11:34 pm

Has the OP made changes?

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TwilightPrincess
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03 Apr 2024, 11:39 pm

cyberdad wrote:

Yes I did agree with you, but additionally motivating yourself to change requires getting out of your comfort zone It means taking some risk (within reason).

it doesn’t need to involve your particular brand of risk. There are many, many things that people could try that would be more appropriate.

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cyberdad
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04 Apr 2024, 1:05 am

TwilightPrincess wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

Yes I did agree with you, but additionally motivating yourself to change requires getting out of your comfort zone It means taking some risk (within reason).

it doesn’t need to involve your particular brand of risk. There are many, many things that people could try that would be more appropriate.

Isn't that up to the OP to decide? He has autonomy and free will. Also I am not asking him to to go crowd surfing in bars and holler at every girl he meets. As I said, use judgement and reason.

IsabellaLinton
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04 Apr 2024, 1:08 am

afaik the OP has already decided.
He's declared several times that the people in pubs don't like his approach and it's not successful.
He's said that his only chance was in 2014 and it will never happen again.

I think it's fair to say there are other things he could try.
That doesn't mean he has to.

He's free to keep doing the same thing, predicting there will be no result.

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Nades
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04 Apr 2024, 1:53 am

uncommondenominator wrote:

Nobody has claimed that these were new revelations. Yet the fact remains that, regardless of how obvious a solution it is, it keeps getting ignored and neglected as an option, in favor of nonsense about "muscles, money, narcissists!" As long as it keeps getting ignored, it bears repeating, cos that's what's gonna solve the problem. Y'all keep askin', that's the answer.

Nobody has to look amazing, few of us do, but looking after your physique and having a decent job is a lot better than being fat and unemployed when someone has a developmental disorder to add on top for example. To an extent it isn't nonsense and just good lifestyle choices to try ones best at all.

Working on all aspects is better than just focusing on one. Being autistic, there are limitations with social fluidity. Spending less time in his favourite pub and trying not to make women feel awkward is a good start but so is looking for a job and if he's out of shape, start working on it.

babybird
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04 Apr 2024, 4:18 am

I look far from amazing. Amazing isn't my scene

I actually look like something out of the Beano quite a lot of the time

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DuckHairback
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04 Apr 2024, 5:16 am

Nades wrote:

Absolutely. Self-improvement is great. I'd wager that the boost to a persons self-esteem and confidence that comes from these improvements is more valuable when it comes to finding love than the physical/financial results. But whatever gets you there is good.

It's when people become convinced that the reason they haven't found love is because they don't have these things, and that they're powerless to achieve them, that the problem starts.

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Jamesy
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04 Apr 2024, 7:44 am

Someone told me back in 2015 that I don't stand a chance and should stop going to bars

honeytoast
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04 Apr 2024, 8:03 am

Jamesy wrote:

Someone told me back in 2015 that I don't stand a chance and should stop going to bars

that was 9 years ago stop caring

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honeytoast
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04 Apr 2024, 8:04 am

jamesy, out of all the threads you've made about this topic, what advice have you taken and decided to try out?

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blitzkrieg
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04 Apr 2024, 8:08 am

babybird wrote:

I look far from amazing. Amazing isn't my scene

I actually look like something out of the Beano quite a lot of the time

This comment cracked me up. :lol:

TwilightPrincess
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04 Apr 2024, 8:31 am

cyberdad wrote:

TwilightPrincess wrote:

cyberdad wrote:

Yes I did agree with you, but additionally motivating yourself to change requires getting out of your comfort zone It means taking some risk (within reason).

it doesn’t need to involve your particular brand of risk. There are many, many things that people could try that would be more appropriate.

Isn't that up to the OP to decide? He has autonomy and free will. Also I am not asking him to to go crowd surfing in bars and holler at every girl he meets. As I said, use judgement and reason.

This is kind of what I’m talking about when I brought up theory of mind.

Before providing advice to vulnerable people it might be a good idea to ask oneself if it would be helpful or harmful in the given situation. People on the spectrum doesn’t always have great judgement and reason when it comes to social stuff as has been demonstrated throughout this thread.

However, there doesn’t appear to be much interest in following potentially harmful advice here so that’s good.

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babybird
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04 Apr 2024, 8:51 am

honeytoast wrote:

jamesy, out of all the threads you've made about this topic, what advice have you taken and decided to try out?

I think he like the conversation we're all having personally

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