Rushing things seems to make me anxious

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ToughDiamond
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17 Apr 2025, 12:11 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
Well, my testosterone levels probably aren't what they used to be, so it's not so much of a problem these days, but even back then it wasn't all about sex. The idea was always there, to a greater or lesser extent, but like most gentlemen I took care to suppress it. It was one of the reasons I tended to avoid girls who wore revealing clothes.

There's probably a reason why men and women can't seek privacy together without arousing suspicion about what's going on.



That's the part I'm questioning because it's not relatable. There's been plenty of girls/women in my life I've been emotionally and intellectually close to without having to repress any desire to f**k them because I had no visceral urge to f**k them.

I don't think it's normal to have to repress your desire to f**k every single female in your life unless one has very few of them in their life. That doesn't mean one won't encounter girls or women that they'd like to f**k, only that it's unnatural for that to include all of them, unless (perhaps) they're only remembering the ones who aroused the desire to f**k them.

I said suppress, not repress - repression would mean I wasn't aware of it, which is much more dangerous.

I don't see the point in arguing much about the normality of having broad tastes. After all, I did say "to a greater or lesser extent," so your idea that it's abnormal is a bit of a stretcher. It's not as if I was getting a boner every time a girl was around. And it's hard to get reliable statistics about such a subject. In the animal kingdom the females are only on heat for a short time, but with humans, not so much. That might be expected to have consequences. I suppose a difference here between you and me is that I claim that when I was young I fancied most girls at least a little bit, while you claim that you didn't, or don't, fancy most women at all.



chris1989
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08 Jun 2025, 6:59 am

I know this sounds ridiculous as I don't know what goes on in other people's lives and relationships and I don't know how many have kids and don't have kids or don't want kids but it does feel like a lot of people are at that stage whereas a few years ago they were probably still single and so on. The thing is with me I'm not in a relationship and feeling like rushing things just provokes anxiety.

I do sometimes feel bad because in my 20s I wasn't thinking about marriage and kids much until late 20s, but even now my mindset feels like it's barely changed.



Mona Pereth
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Today, 1:12 am

ToughDiamond wrote:
It can be tricky. I always preferred to take my time and get to know whatever woman it was quite thoroughly, but sometimes they had other ideas. I guess the dilemma is, do you commit to them and risk living to regret it, or do you leave things open and risk losing them before you've made your mind up? I guess if there's much doubt about longterm compatibility then it's better to choose the latter. Either way it's a gamble.

It seems to me that the question of how fast or how slow to go might be, in itself, an important indicator of overall compatibility. If you want to go slow and she wants to go fast, this might be -- at least if this difference is extreme -- an indicator that she is generally a more reckless person than you are, and that you might have difficulties getting along with her because of this. Conversely, if you want to go fast and she wants to go slow, then this might be an indicator that she is generally a more cautious person than you are, which likewise -- at least if this difference is too extreme -- might result in general difficulties getting along.

(Other factors being equal, though, you should expect women to be at least somewhat more cautious than men during at least the initial phases of getting to know each other, simply because, in most cases, the woman is taking the greater risk, at least on a physical level.)


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ToughDiamond
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Today, 12:33 pm

^
Yes I think that's about right. I can see why women would traditionally be more cautious than men, though I don't know why they would still be in these modern times. Maybe contraception and pay equality aren't quite perfect yet. Like I say, in my own recent experience women have mostly been more in a hurry than I was, though I had to infer that from reading between the lines because they never actually said "get a move on will you?" And there's also the fact that I've often been quite content to leave things to coast along without any progress for months on end, which is probably unusual for a man.