Why won't people just admit it?

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On the flipside there are some people who have very reasonable if not very low standards but still majorly struggle to get a relationship. I was one of them. I was single & looking for 8 years straight after my first relationship ended. The main standard I had was a woman with no kids who wasn't really older than me. I seriously contemplated having a gay relationship at various times because gay guys were coming on to me & I majorly HATED being single. I readily admit that I complained about being single alot but seeing/hearing others complain about it who had some seemingly decent opportunities really irritated me after a while, especially when it was from women who rejected the idea of getting in a relationship with me but kept turning to me to complain about being single. I woulda felt differently if the women rejected me because they didn't want to do a long distance thing or if their living situation woulda prevented us from moving in together for a long time since I was living with my parents but those weren't the reasons.

And your situation is completely understandable. My chronic singleness had been mostly due to religious beliefs, otherwise I would've been with someone already. But I wanted to express what I said in this post because it is irritating to hear people complain about, especially complaining to someone else that's chronically single. I personally think it'd be a good idea to really assess their decisions before coming to the conclusion that they're unwanted.

Yeah, me too. That totally makes sense.

This is an incredibly hard part of it all, not only getting rejected by the single person saying that but also being the single person who either says that or at least thinks it without saying and has to reject and stay single because they can't find anyone where things feel 'right' with.

Especially if you have a rare or unusual personality trying to find compatibility is hard. If you just go for whatever's 'hawt' you'll either have a short-term WFB situation or you'll have a situation where you're with someone whose not okay with you as you are and being in a long-term relationship with them will be a bigger tax than your loneliness (the sex, if there is any, won't make up the difference).

A lot of the guys passing as MGTOW these days are guys who look at this, look at the choice between being single or being constantly nagged and controlled because the only way you're allowed to find a partner is by approaching based on looks rather than being allowed to sus out personality, values similarities, etc.. I think a lot of them realize that they're too low in (external measure) sexual marketplace value to find someone who'd be good for them, or at least not without trying it with like 200 to 300 people over the course of a decade or more - which in and of itself is a process that tends to poison people and maybe half of those dates even happen because they do meet the right person but by 100 people in they're jaded enough that they didn't believe what they were seeing. There's also the principle of least charity floating around as well where if anything can be interpreted negatively then the most negative interpretation is the correct one, that makes dating a lot like stubbing your toes constantly or like voluntarily putting your identity out there for attack.

That's true. Lots of people do base relationships on things like chemistry & sparks. I don't understand how anyone could have chemistry with someone they just met & know nothing about When I was seeking relationships I became interested in most any single woman who seemed like she was nice towards me. I ultimately mostly wanted a woman who would give me a real chance & would be willing to try to comprmise to meet me half-way with things & I'd do the same for her. I NEVER expected to have a seemingly perfect relationship where everything comes together & falls in place just right like a Disney fairy-tail or Hallmark movie. I was an extremely lonely pragmatic instead of a romantic idealist.

I never cared for the whiners. Even before I met my wife, I enjoyed doing normal social things, by my standards, and living life. With how much I know of suffering, its always perplexing that people who seem to either suffer the least or who have not known the truth depths of despair are always the loudest. I have at least a dozen different fronts of things to deal with, but complaining isn't one of them.

Though it seems interesting, or at least amusing, to consider how many people are unaware that someone is or has been interested in them. At least that is a plight almost everyone faces in one way or another.

For that reason, IMO, it is necessary to seek out fellow oddballs, primarily those with whom you have as much in common as possible.


Depends how you go about looking for potential partners.

Some ways are inherently more looks-oriented than others. Approaching strangers in a bar is intrinsically looks-oriented. So too are most of today's dating sites/apps.

But there are other ways of meeting people that do give you opportunities to sus out personality, values similarities, etc. Religious and spiritual groups can serve that purpose, for example. Ditto for some hobby-oriented groups, and for some charity volunteer activities.

Also, dating is probably not the best way to get to know someone. A first date is kind of like a mutual job interview, where both people are both judging each other and trying to impress each other. This dynamic inherently tends to spawn artificiality rather than emotional intimacy.

This guy Joseph at Day Program REALLY needs to hear this!! !

He is too picky and has too high of standards for a woman which is most likely keeping him single...

I can honestly say that no one wants me.

What if somebody agrees to a relationship with the only person available at that time, but is ready to leave as soon as somebody they value higher shows up?

Then they are just using and taking advantage of you!

Might I tentatively raise another point I have not yet seen discussed here?

first getting the fact and definitions strait:
*standards:
- Yes there are people that have "clipped their own wings" by having unattainable standards.
- and even worse; people that consciously hypocritical about applying the standards they 'have'.

*preferences
- preferences are internal value scales we have that are not within our control. You are attracted by what you are attracted. Downplaying or ignoring these is dangerous to your self and possible partner. These preferences are partly genetical, partly social legacy.

*My tentative point:
We have a previously unseen demographic crisis on our hands in the "western" world at the moment, not enough babies, not enough couples. This fact alone should help indicate that it is not only the superficial layer of humans setting too high standards. To me there is are systematic, societal factors at factor at play here.

Kind regards,
Kada

But if the only alternative would be for that person to reject you, would you be worse off rejected or worse off being used?

Both outcomes SUCK...so trick question!! !

I think I'd rather be used than single. If that better person doesn't come along for a while she might develop deeper feeling for me by then because of the way I treat her.

So, I should just accept whatever I can get and be grateful? I should be willing to settle for less, because I am lesser?