Fed up about my love life

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36 in September still a virgin and never had a proper girlfriend.

Do you think it’s normal too feel fed up at this stage and not have any hope?

It's perfectly normal to feel fed up mate

Its really sad

If feeling hopeless becomes a bigger problem for you you need to seek help

At a BBQ last Sunday one of my mates asked this 20 year old woman if she would help me lose my virginity and she said “Maybe for a million”

Ouch

Sorry lad

I mean I'm sort of hoping for your sake that it was just a reflex response on her part

I don't know if it's wise to let people in the pub know that you're a virgin mate

Not everyone is as kind at parties as they might be in other settings

Aren’t I deserving of love, sex and companionship like everyone else

Of course you are mate
I'm so sorry

I should not try judging what's normal or not but I felt like that in my mid 20s. My first relationship ended at 20 & I was single for the next 8 years straight without so much as a single date despite my best effort & getting employed & getting out the house more in other ways.

Why do you think that is?

yeah sometimes i wonder why there is no way to remove the instinctual desire

I think my main problems were being disabled & living in an area that was not disabled friendly along with typical Asperger problems with subpar social skills. Still living with my parents & having income except when I was allowed over-time were probably factors as well.

Maestro Jamesy, and all,

There is no magic 'fix this' for this humongous hurdle we are all facing or, for the lucky among us, have faced.

and the news does not get brighter as more and more adult males are deliberately stepping out of the dating pool and the atomization of our dating life continues, in the form of: - the "swipe L/R"-apps - social media - economic disparity - educational disparity. So NT or ND it's not getting easier...
and yes, I know this does not ease your current suffering, but just know that you are not alone, the issue is growing...

perhaps a positive point to try and tie up this thought: we in ND land are, less affected by the described atomization, because we have different social value and interaction systems. As such as a purely anecdotal example, the local ASD-support centers where i go to meetings have seen an increase in ND peers finding each other through the organized group activities... So in contrast to what our NT peers are seeing at least here in Belgium, in the ND community partnerships are on the rise. Perhaps try and participate in some of the events in your locality or even on-line. I personally have found that when doing something I like and meeting someone who also likes this, and even has similar approaches to socializing helps ...

best of luck,
Kada

'Normal' doesn't exist, but I do feel for you for not being able to find a proper girlfriend. Your mate asking a random woman at a BBQ to take your virginity isn't helping either. The girl's reaction to the 'proposal' is something I could have blurted out as well, just out of shock, and I doubt that her reaction had anything to do with you.

I have had relationships with men I met online and in person, at a writing group. Have you tried joining a group that shares the same interest as you? Online dating is a minefield, there are a lot of weirdos out there (male and female) and people only seem to care about looks. I think it's better to meet people in person and build a connection slowly.

That was a nasty thing of her to say.

Wouldn't the thread title be more accurate if it was "Fed up about my lack of love life" rather than "Fed up about my love life"?

Some autistic people never find a significant other, especially male autistic folk.

There is always that possibility to endure in the future?

^or "fed up about my love life situation"

I am proof that it IS possible for Autistic people to defy all statistics when it comes to finding a partner!! !

It's not easy but it's definitely possible if you are willing to put out the hard work and put your blood, sweat & tears into it!

definetley more true for men than for women, but yeah over the years, i've noticed that men on the autism spectrum have a high rate of reaching 30+ or older and have never been in a relationship before.

Yeah what adds fuel to fire in terms of resentment, is when i hear of stories of people, especially guys, men, who did not get into their first relationship until later than the societal norm, for example, i've heard of some stories of guys, men, who never had a girlfriend until their early 40s.

I have mixed emotions on stories like that, a part of me is glad they found someone, but at the same time, its depressing and resentful to think about, because its a reminder that not everyone gets to date and have relationships in their young youthful years, around the typical societal timeline.

Yes its a reminder that, obviously life and reality isn't fair at all, it can be very cruel and mean often times.