How old do people think I am?

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Not true.

I'd say that dating somebody that looks their age while you look younger is only mildly problematic if you look like you're underage. I'm almost 30 but I look young enough that people constantly mistake me for a teenager. The guy that I dated for seven years (we met in high school) was only a year older than me but he looked older than he was. Alot of people assumed I was his younger sister. A few even assumed I was his daughter. It was awkward explaining that we were actually dating and not much different in age to anybody bold enough to actually say something.
That said, if you ask me personality is far more important than looks. If you like them as a person, if you get along well, can talk to one another easily and have plenty of common interests, then why does it matter if they look their age while you don't?
Also...

As somebody that's ace, I have to strongly disagree with that. If it were that essential to wellbeing then asexuals wouldn't be able to live healthy, happy and fulfilling lives.

Last edited by VioletKnight on 01 Jul 2025, 6:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

So you somehow know what I have or haven't tried?

I suspect a lot of people who aren't ace might have some skepticism of that claim, primarily because sex is essential for their well-being.

Yes, it's projection but it's a result of differing needs.

No, I don't. I meant that it's not true that swingers communities are not open to single men. Some certainly are.

Is there any verified example of someone who died due to not having sex? Ever?

How can you be so sure that something is "essential for your well-being" if you've never actually experienced it? You might not even like it all that much. I mean this seriously. It was hyped up for so long in the media, and if you think about that, why would something need to be hyped so much if it were self-evident to be so necessary? You shouldn't believe everything you read or watch. And if you watch porn, specifically, that is a particularly terrible way to 'learn' about sex because it's completely inaccurate.

You've had about 20 years as an adult, and haven't died yet. It seems like you're simply making yourself feel bad. Live your life and enjoy what you can. That's much more attractive on a person anyway.

Edited to add: I've conflated the above quote in a recent post with the views of the OP, so specifics like not being sexual for 20 years as an adult applies to the OP, not the poster I was specifically responding to. But the thoughts are still general enough to stand.

^Yep...Sex is OVERRATED!! !

I'm sick of its proliferation in music, movies and TV shows!

Sex does serve a purpose but "it" could stand to be de-emphasized in popular culture!

Whenever I am in the car and have to listen to country music I IMMEDIATELY turn on my smartphone and head to the "Nintendo Music" app so I don't have to put up with the same old contrived slop songs about sex, break-ups/divorce (although I guess the song "High Road" by Koe Wetzel isn't that bad, same thing with most of Jelly Roll's output even though I'm kinda sick of him at the moment), marriage, dating, love, children, BEER, trucks etc!!

It's all trash!

The issue with dating sites is that the attractive people get all the attention. More than they could possibly handle.

Sort of like Taylor Swift concerts. It may take hours to leave the stadium parking lot.
While plenty of less popular singers cancel concerts due to the lack of demand.

^Taylor Swift is part of the problem with proliferation of romantic relationships in music!! !

99.9% percent of her output revolves around either dating or break-ups!

You're moving the goalposts, likely because you can't address what I actually said.

I specifically said essential for their well-being for a reason. I don't believe not getting laid will kill someone, but it sure seems to dramatically lower quality of life for some people.

That lowered quality of life likely contributes to some deaths of despair, but the cause of death wouldn't directly be listed as couldn't get any but it would also be silly to think that a coroner might explicitly list a lack of sex as a cause of death.

If you're going to give a smug response, at least direct it towards what was actually said.

Taylor Swift is more of a symptom than a cause. No one would care about her music if the subject matter didn't resonate with a lot of people.

Then are you saying the real problem is the proliferation of romantic relationships in our culture?

And singers like Taylor Swift got infected by the parasite?!?

Very often people on the AS struggle either with having sexual urges they can't satisfy, or having traumatic sexual experiences as a result of their efforts to satisfy those urges. OTOH a significant portion of the community is asexual, and sometimes they give the appearance of thinking that being ace is part and parcel of being autistic, and don't show any sympathy for others who might truly be suffering or in fact at serious risk. I wish we could have a civilized conversation about this.

Wow, this post has gone off on an interesting tangent to the original title

summarizing mode activated:
- people value sexual interaction differently.
- Dating is difficult for most people, and not aided by our current reigning social dogma: "sex can be seen as a commodity with moral impacts"

(feel free to critique my summarization )

my responses:
- to the titel of the post: yes, in general I've also found that people estimate me about 10 years younger than I am. which from a certain age onwards can be both flattering and annoying.
- to "people value sexual interaction differently." absolutely true, and the measure you personally need to have this basic need met is dependent on you, your genetics, social upbringing and personal voyage through life.
- to "Dating is difficult,..." yep, 100% agree, sex has become to mundane in its status. I've spoken to younger peers who talk about having a one night stand like it is similar to having a burger. which if this is their personal belief... a big "hmmm..." but ok, the really egregious part of their conversation where I stepped in, was when they were practically peer pressuring a friend to adopt their value system. What I have found that for me brings a slight shimmer of hope is that: when meeting up with my ASD interest or friend groups, despite the innate introversion, I found still a strong and welcoming dating community between ASD peers (again, I'm talking about my situation in Belgium)

kind regards,
Kada

Also...is it possible that her record label is making her write songs about the subject of relationships?

I know that executive meddling is a MAJOR issue in TV shows so I wouldn't be surprised if that is happening in the music industry as well!! !

Having spent most of me life in a sex free zone (mostly because women usually react to my approaches with hostiity, though I've no idea why) I believe that I can confirm that sex is not in fact necessary for life, from an individual's point of view.

Of course, it helps that I've got a mega imagination, and never paid any heed to biblical prohibitions ( the "curse" of Onan? Do me a favour!).

Here's a puzzle: Characters sometimes appear in books making proclomations like; I 've seen many a man brought low by Mrs Palm and her five daughters, but they never go on to explain just how this happens. Can anyone offer an explanation for anyone thinking like that?