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Double Retired
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11 Jul 2025, 1:55 pm

My personal experience...

I was terrible at dating. Very rarely was a gal interested in me, and I found those gals unacceptable (they repeatedly made poor choices...on things like career and finances).

When I turned 40 I gave up on ever getting a true, long-term girlfriend/spouse. I still went to social events but I was not looking for a gal, just for a pleasant few hours.

At one such event I met a gal that definitely interested me until I learned the practical obstacles.
- She lived on the other side of the city, approx. 100km (60 miles) from where I lived.
- A recurring event I managed (and hoped to interest her in) conflicted with her schedule.
I had a wonderful time talking to her that one evening and figured I would never see her again.

Quite a few weeks later she telephoned me at work. When we'd been chatting that past weekend I'd given her enough information to find me and to realize there was a favor I could easily do for her. I quickly agreed to the favor which did not require meeting in person. But, while we were chatting on the phone I realized there was another favor I could do for here and offered to loan her some things that would be useful to her. We agreed to meet in the parking lot of where she worked so I could give her the supplies she could use.

After we agreed to meet to exchange the supplies I asked if I could buy here supper, too. She agreed to supper.

We had a good evening. She was in the process of moving to nearer her job so it was practical to meet her more often. We ended up married; 20+ years later we are still married.

P.S. I'm an Aspie. There was one complication to meeting her in the parking lot where she worked. I couldn't remember what she looked like and wouldn't recognize her if I saw her. I went extra early and stood in the parking lot near my car hoping she would see me, recognize me, and stop. Fortunately she did.

Recommendation: Socialize and do not think of it as hunting trips. Just trying to meet nice people.


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Mona Pereth
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14 Jul 2025, 8:53 am

kadanuumuu wrote:
perhaps a positive point to try and tie up this thought: we in ND land are, less affected by the described atomization, because we have different social value and interaction systems. As such as a purely anecdotal example, the local ASD-support centers where i go to meetings have seen an increase in ND peers finding each other through the organized group activities... So in contrast to what our NT peers are seeing at least here in Belgium, in the ND community partnerships are on the rise.

Glad to hear that the ND community is functioning so well in Belgium.

Hopefully other countries will catch up soon.

kadanuumuu wrote:
Perhaps try and participate in some of the events in your locality or even on-line. I personally have found that when doing something I like and meeting someone who also likes this, and even has similar approaches to socializing helps ...

Yes indeed.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Jul 2025, 8:53 am

Quote:
P.S. I'm an Aspie. There was one complication to meeting her in the parking lot where she worked. I couldn't remember what she looked like and wouldn't recognize her if I saw her. I went extra early and stood in the parking lot near my car hoping she would see me, recognize me, and stop. Fortunately she did.


That seems something related to face blindness more than Asperger's.

Do you still struggle at recognizing her in a crowd?



Double Retired
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14 Jul 2025, 4:01 pm

From what I read on the Internet, face blindness frequently occurs with Autistic folk.

Certainly I have both.

And it provided some entertainment when I was getting my Adult Autism Assessment. My bride was not invited to the second appointment and the psychologist had made a significant change to here hair (a wig, maybe?). I honestly did not know whether it was the same person as from the first appointment. And I did not hide that.

(And, like I said, I knew I would not be able to recognize my future bride the second time we met. My bride insists she was the one I was there to meet.)


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When diagnosed I bought champagne!
I finally knew why people were strange.